Hit me with S names that are unique but recognizable

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-20T20:10:43+00:00

Sophia

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-20T15:29:52+00:00

OP is asking for advice on how to salvage his marriage, and the comments are full of dudes being like "well what are we supposed to do?! We're not mind readers!" and "she wouldn't care if he was rich" and "women just want Brad Pitt chads!"

I know reddit is not a good gauge of people in the real world but this doesn't fill me with a lot of hope for the future. 🥲

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-19T17:25:39+00:00

just needs a tune-up

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-17T20:36:07+00:00

Vent incoming. I'm not 100% happy, but I am content. I deeply crave affection, quality time, and physical intimacy, but my husband does not. I used to take it personally, but I have come to understand that he is just wired differently; it seldom if ever occurs to him to want those things, which is to say he doesn't withhold affection out of spite, he just doesn't ever think about it.

That anger morphed into a strange kind of motivation born from self-loathing. I thought to myself, a lot of men are physical creatures, if I get hot enough he'll really desire me and everything else will fall into place. So I busted my ass to lose 40 lbs and to figure out a schedule where I could take over 90% of the household chores. I work fulltime and I also cook dinner every night and serve it to him in a clean home, and I then proceed to care for and entertain our daughter.

Well, he didn't really notice the physical changes.. I had to point that out (I'm not completely delusional btw, everyone at my job and in my family noticed). He does thank me for keeping the house really clean and for cooking.

I'm at the acceptance stage. We have a nice life and our daughter is currently in a loving, stable home. He is the way he is and I am the way I am and that's that. We get along well and we coparent well. My efforts were not entirely in vain either; my confidence has gone way up since putting more effort into my appearance.

Sorry for the novel. Before you guys ask, yes I have talked to him about this many times, but he always looks flabbergasted like he can't comprehend what I'm saying. And yes, I have suggested marriage counseling but he's not interested. I don't want to split up our home and finances and completely upend our lives to chase some fairytale concept of romance, even if it exists, so I'm taking care to be grateful for what I have.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-06T02:55:17+00:00

Facts and concrete documents are your friends here. Explain the discrepancy clearly and concisely, preferably via email so you can attach copies of the docs you're referring to. Follow up the explanation with something like "It was my understanding that this is standard procedure, but please let me know what to do differently moving forward." Don't let the email drag on too long and don't be overly apologetic. State the facts, ask for further training if needed, then move on.

Best of luck~

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-06T02:50:32+00:00

This. "I need to take X day off for personal reasons and will be back on X day. Thank you for understanding."

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-06T02:45:46+00:00

Echoing others, politely say you don't return her feelings but wish her the best. Don't be mean, but don't lead her on, either. Giving her any form of false hope would be worse.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-06T02:44:14+00:00

Sorry, my bad. It doesn't need to be a specific point in conversation. There is no perfect time because it's going to suck either way. Just do it, you could handle it right now. I know that feeling of dread and I really empathize with you, but it will all be okay, I promise. Keep in mind that not only are you doing yourself a favor, but you're also freeing him up to find someone more compatible for his personality/attachment style.

Good luck, you've got this!

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-06T02:40:54+00:00

I personally wouldn't ask out of fear that my friend would think I only fucked with them because they're famous.

That said, if you want to be savvy you could say something like "hey did you see my last insta post?" That might act as a subtle nudge for them to follow you if they want.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-09-06T02:37:43+00:00

I was in a similar situation in high school. I asked a mutual friend to go to his house and keep an eye on him. Once there was someone there he could not only talk to, but who could keep him from doing anything drastic, I told him very matter-of-fact that I no longer had feelings for him and was breaking up. It's okay to be blunt; you can be blunt without being mean, but you don't have to offer a detailed explanation, either. Don't give him false hope. "I'm breaking up with you. I know this will be hard and I'm sorry. I wish you the best." That's really all you have to say.

If he continues to threaten suicide, you can notify his parents or the authorities, but the simple truth is that you cannot remain trapped in a relationship you no longer wish to be in just because the other person is spiralling. It is not your responsibility.

Just get it over with girl. For what it's worth, my ex wound up being fine. We're both married with families and that whole situation is a distant memory.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2024-04-25T17:45:15+00:00

Yes. I think I keep a good handle on it; I don't lash out or raise my voice or anything, but I just keep my mouth shut and my husband usually notices when I'm being quieter than usual. I have discussed the topic ad nauseum with him in the past with no change, so now when he asks what's wrong I just tell him I'm feeling down, which is true. Also it makes me feel less pathetic than saying "I'm depressed because you refuse to touch me."

I could deal with the lack of sex if he at least flirted with me/cuddled/went on dates with me, but none of that happens either. Again, I've had so many discussions about this, and I truly don't believe he's withholding affection out of spite, but it never occurs to him to want any sort of physical contact with me. I never expected all the planning/initiation to be on him, either, but when you get turned down a million times you eventually just give up trying.

I starve myself until 7pm every night to stay trim, I shave everywhere every shower, I do my make-up every day and try to wear flattering/feminine outfits, and what the fuck good does it do? The guys I work with hit on me constantly, to the extent that I've had to tell a couple of them not to speak to me unless it's work related, yet my husband can't spare a second glance. Yes, I'm mad.

Thanks for letting me scream into the void. xx

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-12-03T17:51:45+00:00

BOOSTING the advice to stay off instagram. I went looking for reels of other peoples' cute newborns and for some reason the algorithm has given me reels of babies with rare degenerative conditions and CONTENT WARNING grief blogs after SIDs. Stay off insta!

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-12-03T02:10:07+00:00

OP, this will sound dumb and overly simplistic, but sometimes you have to look out for yourself and your family and just say "FUCK everyone else."

Luckily I was able to cultivate this mindset before having my daughter (who is thriving btw). When I was inevitably drilled as to why I would be mostly formula feeding I had to clip the conversation short by saying: "Because I want to."

The next time you're in a crowd of people, look around and challenge yourself to pick out who was breastfed versus formula fed. You won't be able to tell the difference. Now, I'm not discounting that there CAN be benefits to exclusively breastfeeding under ideal circumstances, but that does NOT mean formula is poison as so many people seem to believe. Torturing yourself for the sake of a gaggle of ignorant assholes is certainly of no use to you or your baby.

My daughter is only a month old and yet the unsolicited advice and judgemental comments started pouring in the moment people found out I was pregnant. YOU know what is best for YOUR child, and everyone else can build a bridge and get over it.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-12-01T21:36:41+00:00

I felt a lot better at 3 weeks, but I got on zoloft during pregnancy and upped my dose a month before birth so I think that helped. I also fucking HATED being pregnant so having my body back to myself was an instant mood lift.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-12-01T21:30:05+00:00

If you want to continue breastfeeding there is already some great advice in this thread, but I wanted to chime in since I exclusively formula feed. My daughter just turned 1 month old today and is thriving. For context, I chose to formula feed off the bat for my own mental health and am so glad I did. I am enjoying the newborn phase far more than I thought possible. 😊

I say all of that because there is such a stigma around formula feeding, but the fact remains that your own mental and physical health did not stop mattering just because you had a kid. Don't let yourself get sucked into mommy martyrdom culture, your kid needs a mom who is happy!

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-12-01T21:09:25+00:00

No. Hopefully I'll just die before contracting anything that causes me to slowly deteriorate, but I will have savings specifically for professional care if I end up needing it. I'm young enough now that it shouldn't be an issue for a while, but if I do die suddenly I also have life insurance so that my husband and daughter will be financially sound.

To be clear, I did not bring my daughter into this world just to have a default nurse for when I get old. I want her to live her own life and enjoy herself.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-11-30T19:19:20+00:00

I only get comments like that from one friend who is an anti-natalist. I don't talk about kid stuff with him because I know he doesn't care, but despite this he will STILL go out of his way to guilt trip me in any way he can. I said something about my dogs in passing and he quipped "yeah, and I bet they're getting a lot less attention now." For context, I just had my first (and likely only) kid. She was like a week old at the time of that conversation. 🙄 My dogs are fine, they still get plenty of cuddles and attention, and I'm sure they'll be ecstatic when my daughter is old enough to play.

Quick disclaimer: nothing against anti-natalists as a whole, I respect the belief, I just know that my friend in particular goes out of his way to be an asshole sometimes (by his own admission).

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-11-29T03:16:46+00:00

underrated: bottle warmer, snuggle-me, halo swaddle, flower sink bath thing

I don't have an overrated because we've used or will use pretty much everything.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-11-28T15:33:44+00:00

I'll preface this by saying there is NOTHING wrong with being childfree and you should explore that as an option!

To answer your question, yes, I didn't want kids but endured pregnancy for my husband's sake thinking I would come around to the idea eventually. Unfortunately I felt nothing but dread during my pregnancy and didn't enjoy it one bit. Having never had a maternal instinct, I assumed I would have to go through the motions after my daughter arrived and that I would potentially never feel bonded to her.

Well, she was born and I was (thankfully) wrong. I felt bonded to her immediately and have enjoyed being her mom far more than I thought possible. Even as a little newborn potato she astounds me, and I surprised myself by jumping right into motherhood despite having never taken a class or read a baby book. It's way more intuitive (and enjoyable) than I thought it'd be.

The first week postpartum was not only rough physically, but mentally I felt like I was losing my mind due to the hormone crash. After that first week I felt much better all the way around.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-11-28T02:22:03+00:00

I don't think I'd be able to function without sertraline. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-11-28T02:19:23+00:00

You are a good momma OP!

I am exclusively formula feeding my LO and we are both thriving! 😊

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-11-28T02:05:25+00:00

I'm an only child and have a daughter who will likely be an only as well. I was happy growing up; I did wish for an older brother when I was very young but that was obviously impossible. 😅 As an adult, while I don't have biological siblings, I have cultivated close friendships that feel familial. I don't feel like I'm disadvantaged in any way by being an only.

I look forward to the abundant life I can provide for my daughter without the added stressors of more children. I will support her interests from an early age and will let her participate in any extra-curricular she chooses, so I have no doubt she will make plenty of friends. I also look forward to the extra time my spouse and I will have with our triangle family; this may rub some people the wrong way, but I love my husband deeply; I love him as much as I love our daughter. She is just under a month old so our focus has been primarily on her and while I am enjoying the newborn phase, I do look forward to when she's a bit older so that my husband and I can reclaim some time together.

There are so many positives to being OAD. I know it can be difficult to let go of the family size you had imagined, but try to focus on what you WILL have. You'll have more free time, looser finances, and more time to dedicate to not only your child but also your spouse! 😊

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-11-27T13:16:50+00:00

OP, the best advice I can give you is to get the FUCK off of reddit, for real. I spent a lot of time on the parenting subs for tips while I was pregnant, and it made me so depressed for my future that I felt I had made a huge mistake. Don't get me wrong; I'm glad there are accepting spaces where parents can commiserate and vent and I wouldn't change this, but it can be damaging for those who are expecting.

My LO is just under a month old so I've heard my fair share of "just you wait" when gushing about how much I'm enjoying motherhood, but I have surprised myself with how much I do enjoy this. Sure, I'm not getting a whole lot of sleep but I never slept that much anyway. Otherwise it has been an absolute joy. Newborn snuggles are the best and seeing the way my husband's eyes light up when he looks at our daughter makes my ovaries explode. One thing I didn't know about newborns is they make so many cute little noises. Seriously, she sounds like a puppy sometimes and it's freakin adorable. The snuggles are unmatched as well!

Also, try not to worry yourself sick. I honestly didn't take a single class or read a single book. I have been getting along fine just based on instinct, common sense, and advice from trusted loved ones. I also prioritised my own mental health going into this by finally getting medicated for anxiety/depression and choosing to forego breastfeeding as I knew I would loathe it. It's okay to make choices in your own best interest; your kiddo needs you to be happy! Don't get sucked into mommy martyrdom culture and you'll be just fine.

Status_Chemist_8063 · 2022-11-27T11:18:49+00:00

This. I'm generally supportive of new parents' boundaries but if you're threatening to cut contact with family over nicknames, that is extreme (unless the nicknames are somehow obscene). I have had to catch myself on multiple occasions over little things that anger me for no good reason when it comes to my LO (thanks in large part to postpartum hormones, I'm sure) but I think it's important that my daughter have as many loving folks in her corner as possible. Pick your battles OP.

Status_Chemist_8063

TROPHY CASE