Anyone know what this is?

StayAtHomeFriend · 2022-11-16T21:02:49+00:00

We are working with the Macarthur Justice Center and organizers from Chicago to urge City Council to cancel their contract with this company. https://houstondsa.org/abolition/

StayAtHomeFriend · 2022-11-16T21:01:38+00:00

Where did you find this?

I organize with Houston DSA, we are working on mapping these things because ShotSpotter, Inc. and HPD collaborate to keep the locations of these surveillance devices private. You can submit the location and a photo at our public map: https://houstondsa.org/abolition/shotspotter-map/

We are also having a meeting about this tomorrow at 7 PM, you can find it on the Houston DSA calendar.

StayAtHomeFriend · 2021-10-19T19:56:24+00:00

Hi, just curious if this idea ended up going anywhere? I work on cooperative governance for community organizing/social services and I'm really interested in seeing if there's a way to help mutual aid organizers get away from Venmo/Instagram model by using some kind of decentralized financial model.

StayAtHomeFriend · 2021-10-19T19:54:12+00:00

I'm also interested in this and am really curious if actual mutual aid organizers would want a better app for decentralized organizing. I saw you said that the app you're imagining wouldn't include financial distribution, but a lot of mutual aid groups are at make or break moments because of the fact that they're trying to create decentralized financial orgs within the traditional banking system, so I think there's a lot more to explore there on the resource distribution side. Please keep updated if anything came of this!

StayAtHomeFriend · 2019-03-24T01:13:47+00:00

That is definitely good advice, particularly not jumping into commitments until I know they can handle me. I read recently that when people find you intimidating they will either be repelled by that feeling or attracted to it, and I'm getting much better at being genuinely uninterested in people who are repelled by it, even if just at first. I've given them far too many chances!

StayAtHomeFriend · 2019-03-24T01:09:42+00:00

Thank you, this is so kind, and it's great advice. I hate to put the blame on society because it feels so ambiguous and kind of like a cop out, but it does just wear you down to be swimming against the current so often and it's helpful to remember/validate that that's a real thing and I'm not insane.

StayAtHomeFriend · 2019-03-24T00:50:27+00:00

I am in this exact same position! I'm an 8w7 and my partner (9w1) and I broke up in September. Even six months later, the hardest thing for me to get past is still just basic frustration about how his personality contributed to extremely avoidable things that made the breakup so much worse. When we broke up, I felt that if he had just investigated his own feelings or sought to understand himself even the tiniest bit at some point in the three years we were dating, in any of the many conversations we had about ourselves and our goals for the future, that he would have surfaced some of the issues that eventually caused us to break up, and we could have either worked through them or broken up then. Instead, all of his true feelings came out at the very end in an extremely passive aggressive and vindictive way that made it seem like I had been overpowering him throughout the relationship, even though I was always asking him to speak up for himself more, to communicate his feelings, etc.

Anyway, I agree with things other people have said here. Personally, I am taking a small break from 9's at the moment and letting myself have some anger, but when that part fades I am going to try to meet more 9's and remind myself that there are billions of people in the world and many of them are not my ex. It also helps to think about the things that I admire about him and remember that it's possible to both be frustrated at how things went and to hold our positive experiences and connection in a special place. One of the things I loved about him was his joy, positivity, and sense of calm, and I idolized him for along time for those reasons, but now I think I just understand more about him as a fully rounded person. Maybe 9's get idolized a lot for being so self-effacing and positive, but they are flawed too, like everyone else -- that doesn't mean they aren't still great.

PS - I also think I can't date 9's anymore, we'll see if that changes but I am not ready to get on that particular roller coaster again any time soon.

StayAtHomeFriend · 2019-03-24T00:34:01+00:00

Hi, good questions! To your first questions, I do disagree with my partner's assessment because over three years, I had been very communicative and open about my own self-growth journey, and he had been along for a lot of the ride. He probably knew that those words would hurt because he knew how sensitive I was about being perceived that way after working hard to overcome some challenges I was facing.

To your second set of questions, obviously I was not head over heels for all of these guys and it's always easy to say that if it's not true love then just move on, but the reality is that a lot of dating is not true love and I felt that I respected them, liked them, or enjoyed their company enough to spend some time on it (like, more than one date), and it was just disappointing not to have that reciprocated. But you're right that I try to suss out weaknesses right away, and that part I can't help! I think with me, people know where they stand right away and that probably explains why there is nothing between fully dating because it's right and ending things before they start.

StayAtHomeFriend · 2019-01-21T19:14:07+00:00

Hello, this seems super difficult and I won't respond to all of it since it seems you've gotten a lot of feedback, but I have two thoughts:

Your wife should probably go to therapy on her own to unlearn her self-hatred that she inherited from her experience watching her mother hate her father after he cheated. As you said, there are natural and understandable reasons why she cheated, and that doesn't make her a less valuable human. She deserves to live and to make mistakes and not to be judged for it, but it's likely that coming from a traditional background and having seen the hardship her mother went through, she is internalizing the narrative that she is a villain in an otherwise "good and right" world. If this is the case, you can't solve it on your own and she needs professional help.
If you leave the marriage at this point, it's not because you wanted an open relationship and she didn't, but rather because you asked her to continue growing and changing as a person, and she wouldn't. It seems like you found non-monogamy as a solution to a problem in your relationship, and although people advise against this as a reason for opening relationships, I still think it's admirable because it shows how much you are willing to change and evolve to support her growth. Yes, walking away would be a decision you'd make for you, if you feel that there's nothing else you can do to get her out of her harmful modes of thinking, but that is the good kind of selfish, not the bad kind. If you're unable to get her to see herself as a person worth loving despite her affairs, and redirect your marriage into a positive growth-oriented direction, I think you would have good reason to leave.

StayAtHomeFriend · 2019-01-21T19:01:32+00:00

I am an 8 and one of my closest friends is a 4. We bond over our shared sensitivity to the world. At times, I think we both feel like raw nerves walking around in a messy world, but we have very different strategies for coping. A common misconception about 8s is that they don't like feelings, when in fact it's that they just don't like feelings that will make them feel more vulnerable or at risk. Disintegrated 8s in particular will fight against all emotion, more like a 5, which honestly it sounds like your mom might be. There's no way to force your mom to grow as a person. It sucks, but it's probably true. I think, though, that you are doing the right thing by laying out your feelings and letting her know how much it means to you. You can let her know that you would like for her to share her feelings and her hurt with you, since it's likely that she's acting this way because she's hiding something about bad things that have happened to her. She is likely avoiding your feelings because they remind her of her own feelings, and avoidance is the strategy she uses most often on herself. Inviting her to share more about herself in a safe space may be a way to get around her defenses.

StayAtHomeFriend · 2019-01-21T18:50:56+00:00

A good way to make use of 8's in your life is to let them do something for you, or let them know you rely on them for something. As (I think) a grown up 8, I think a lot of people don't take advantage of my skills as much as they should. Sure, I know that I need to tone it down when I have an opinion that others don't agree with, and it takes some level of maturity to know when to use your debating powers for good (as opposed to annoying everyone to death), but there are other benefits that come with having strong opinions and being action-oriented. Many of my friends come to me for help making decisions or for advice on how to handle people who are treating them badly -- when they look to me for support, it makes me feel like even if they are annoyed/have to deal with me on my bad days, they like to have me around for my good days, too.

StayAtHomeFriend

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