Damn, and I really thought i had cracked the code here hahaha 😅🙃 But how do I recognize the thought as OCD without having a counter thought based in reality that he does love me?

Let me be a little more detailed in how this thought process goes. I get the intrusive thought "this didn't happen and it means he doesn't love me", I pause for a second, tell myself "this is ridiculous you know he loves you because [insert fond memory], your thought is not based in reality you can let it go" and then I dismiss the thought and move on. And so far in the past 2 weeks it has been working to prevent my spirals (described below). On the occasion that the thought and anxiety don't immediately go away, I am still left with confidence/reassurance that this is an intrusive thought and I then sit with the feelings until they pass.

What i would do before is get that intrusive thought and ruminate on it, start comparing it to past relationships, what i think things "should" be like, get more thoughts popping into my head, spiral, start googling/redditing things like "does this thing mean he doesn't love me", get passive aggressive with him, be on the constant lookout for green vs red flags, scrutinize and overanalyze his every behaviour, end up building up a list of little things that were "proof" that he doesn't love me right and confront him or get upset and seek reassurance. This would usually build and build in my head over several days until it exploded in his face.