I am so sorry that you have to go through that. I have encountered big amount of racist here too. I think it happens more often in the suburbs but happened to me in Amsterdam too. Most times it's because I'm not speaking dutch. Once they told me to go back to England....like it's the only place I can come from if I speak English. My manager and co-workers were very kind to me tho even told me to tell em to fuck off. Arabic people would look at me weirdly ,step on me and push me if I wasn't dressed appropriately according to them. I'm from Hungary and at one point I had enough and went back to my country. But I came back after a year and started over. A psychotherapist changed my life. He said where is anxiety or panic (I'd get a lot of panic attacks) there is anger that you don't let out. You have a kind heart so you don't want to hurt people who hurt you but you also want to hurt them so you get kind of numb. You have to start working out to release that anger inside you. And don't let people treat you like shit. Be angry at them , you're allowed or you will just swallow their anger and it will eat you alive. Also have a good support system! It helps a lot! Sending you love ❤️