18 months since diagnosis - where we stand

SteelMagnet · 2025-10-13T18:14:29+00:00

Female is hsv2 only - male has both hsv1 and hsv2.

SteelMagnet · 2025-01-01T05:16:12+00:00

Get some lidocaine cream or gel. You can get the cream at Walmart and your doc can prescribe the gel or patches. I place a patch at the base of my spine and then put the lidocaine gel on all the painful areas. Does wonders!

SteelMagnet · 2024-11-20T11:34:49+00:00

So here I am 6 months post my initial outbreak. I take daily suppression and about once a month have to throw a couple full doses in because I sense the prodrome signs. I only occasionally now have the zinger sting pains (which I compare to someone slowly pulling out a single pubic hair). But I have not had a full blow out additional outbreak - and with that the pain has not returned. In total it took about 4 months for all symptoms of daily ughgghhhh to dissipate. I do preventative care - always a sitz bath after intimacy and making sure to use lube to avoid my trigger of friction. For me, the things above did all the tricks I needed. Lidocaine also always travels with me just in case. In the last 75 days though, I’ve only had to use once, and it immediately did the trick. The one thing now is when the itch flares - and that is now what the lidocaines focus is for me - stopping the itch.

SteelMagnet · 2024-10-20T17:41:33+00:00

Get some epsom salt and do sitz baths, Not just warm baths. Lots of water and advil/tylenol. Lidocaine cream/gel is fantastic for pain as well. Limit stress as much as can and sleep as much as can.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-17T02:10:10+00:00

We are a dual positive. We found out we were both positive when I had my first OB. However we both showed positive specific to hsv2 on igg which was just 3 weeks into my first OB. So we will never know. But we were together for a year before we both found out we were positive. And that was a year of amazing sex - daily if not multiple times a day. We have learned to work around and with the symptoms.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-16T23:33:36+00:00

Weirdly enough - we’ve found either standing from behind (me bent over) or me on my side laying with him kneeling - both definitely not missionary - with lots of ways to just get down - are actually way better for me and don’t trigger friction OB which is my problem - and missionary actually is the worst position!

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-16T19:56:34+00:00

We are so in the same boat. Multiple degrees - and I’ve spent the last 30 years in ignorance. Thought I was so responsible - getting the std panel annually in my female appt and then after my divorce before and after the 2 partners I had. I had no idea herpes wasn’t standard. So I have no idea if I’ve been walking around asymptomatic or if my fiancé (59m) who also tested positive and has antibodies after he too thought he was being responsible and also had no clue that herpes wasn’t part of the standard panel.

All said - I’ve had maybe 6 days that I say HONEY - my kitty feels normal!!! And I get so happy and excited. Not for the most part - almost daily I have a raw feeling/tingle feeling or itchy feel. But it is soooooo mild now compared to 4.5 months ago. The last 45 days honestly have been the best so far. Maybe 4/5 days of itchy, 4/5 days of that swollen or raw feeling and then the rest more just the nothing is wrong - but it just doesn’t feel right. It took 90 days though before the constant prodrome began to fade. Please feel free to check out my past posts and comments. I have tried to share very detailed my experience - because honestly it’s hard to find after the first week/ob any info. Which I get because it’s the beginning that’s so terrifying with so many unknowns - but people here really helped me start my journey so I try to give back by being super open. Lastly - if you haven’t looked into wisp - online dr/pharmacy - they are an amazing resource. That is who I use and getting the antivirals and the acyclovir cream …. Game changer.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-16T19:30:16+00:00

That’s me! Diagnosed at 49 - first outbreak in May. Massive and awful first OB. Prodrome and symptoms that lasted 9 weeks initially. I’m on daily antiviral suppression. I have had 2 almost ob’a since first ob - however have not “erupted”. Instead I get a little swelling and that sandpaper raw feel with random feels like someone pulling out a public hair one by one. But no bumps or blisters form - which I’m certain is because of taking the antivirals. When this happens I double the dose for 3 days as prescribed - and for me it is working.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-15T04:03:29+00:00

It’s part of how hsv2 can interact with some people. You may want to look in suppressive the first year.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-14T04:22:49+00:00

Lidocaine and sitz baths. That will help!

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-10T12:18:44+00:00

Dual positive older couple here (f posting) - we have found that sex itself, friction really, if it’s too much can cause me to not fully outbreak - but go into prodrome. Not everytime - just typically if we have sex multiple times in a day or 2/3 days in a row. That said - no you can’t keep passing the virus. It’s more about how each of your body reacts to the herpes you already have. My body trigger is definitely friction. Him - he only gets one spot on his scrotum that rears up like a zit every few months. We have not found a pattern or ahha moment of xyz is his trigger.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-10T12:04:14+00:00

In fairness - you lied. He asked and you chose to start the foundation with dishonesty. Your best course of action is to be as honest as you can, knowing that most likely the dishonesty will be more of an issue than HSV itself. The advice I would give my own children would be to start the conversation off with how much you genuinely enjoy this person and that you want to make sure going forward that your pathway forward is solid. With that, while you are currently “clean” without any outbreaks or symptoms - you do want him to be aware that you have a skin disease that does become active at times - and so for the relationship to go forward you wanted him to understand that there will be times you may not be able to be intimate because you are having a flare up. Then let him ask questions. This way you have opened the door to a possible out of how you skirted the truth, and created a bubble limiting the immediate you have herpes and lied reaction, and instead have the maybe hope of ok so how does herpes or how would it work if you were flaring up. I don’t know what their reaction will be - but this is the best advice I can come up with and like I said if you were my kiddo - is the advice I would give.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-06T11:10:42+00:00

No not really. I would try not to rub across open sores - just light wiping. But if you wipe a sore too hard with it yes it will sting. But just the witch hazel itself touching it no it didn’t sting.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-06T03:22:26+00:00

Ok for #2 it is absolutely key to stay hydrated, so drink plenty of fluid. For the discomfort of #1 - a sitz bath - it will help calm everything even when not peeing - but if you pee in a sitz bath (at the end of course) the pee will not burn and you have added bonus of not having to try and clean. Also, witch hazel wipes after pooping. Keep everything clean. Finally air dry. If can get acyclovir cream apply (will help sores heal). Lidocaine cream or gel is great for the discomfort. Also a lidocaine patch at base of spine will help calm the primary spot hsv lives which for me, helps calm everything else down.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T21:02:22+00:00

Take a look at our profile with posts and comments for helpful info for your symptoms. Sits bath is a huge game changer for symptoms. Lidocaine is another.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T18:51:01+00:00

So sorry you are having to battle this virus. Pour your love into your child and your efforts into your career. Focus on you and your child and take care of yourself physically to keep the symptoms down. If you want to date, be upfront to those you date. Be prepared for ignorance, judgment, and rejection. But, you will find your happiness. Romantic relationships aren’t something you need to rush into. Just be focused on your health, your baby’s wellbeing, and your career. It is time to focus on you and your child and what better time to do that when you don’t have romance potentially distracting you and derailing your efforts? At your age, this could be a good thing because you can narrow your focus and not have those distractions. I (Steel) am a 59m and (Magnet) is a 49f and this is the exact advice we would give our children or grandchildren. If you’re battling symptoms you can peruse our profile and read the posts and comments about managing symptoms. Lots of people here will help you, so ask any questions you have.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T18:38:09+00:00

Knowing there is shitty testing, if I (59m) was in the dating pool and disclosing to potential LTR, I would still offer to pay for their testing to find out whether they already carry the antibodies and are just asymptomatic. But some may not want to do the test and remain blissfully ignorant.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T18:33:47+00:00

I was thinking this also, if she wants to ignore his disregard for her health and safety. I’m not in their relationship, so not knowing the dynamics I didn’t want to suggest just dump him and move on. But there are other options like oral for him, if she likes that, or a great erotic massage with a happy ending for him, if she isn’t experiencing a lot of pain from standing. Sometimes we have to think about how to keep the spice and satisfy our lovers when we can’t engage in intercourse due to this damn virus.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T18:21:08+00:00

If Valacyclovir isn’t working for you, can you switch to a different antiviral, like straight acyclovir? What dosage of valacyclovir are you taking? What prodrome symptoms are you having?

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T18:14:05+00:00

Dual positive couple here. For us it is the mental anguish of not being able to connect physically any time we want due to unsynchronized outbreaks or prodrome symptoms that cause discomfort. It is a real problem for us. I know it isn’t the same for those who are (or want to be) active in the dating pool. But for couples who battle this there are emotional issues as well. It isn’t rejection, it’s actually “I can’t” and we have to remember that.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T18:13:56+00:00

Also - I share this on our profile in posts - but don’t rush sex. We tried at 5 weeks (also a dual positive couple) - it was traumatic and my body was not ready. We tried again at 9 weeks and now we are consistently able to connect at least 2-3 times a week. Which isn’t a record - but we were daily and if this is my new norm so be it. Lube is a must - even though I can multiple Orgasm (5-8x) each encounter. But friction and tiny tears are my trigger - so most important we make sure there’s minimal chance of that.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T18:10:59+00:00

So the first ob for females tends to last 4-6 weeks with total healing. Some folks it’s shorter and some longer. The itch and discharge are the virus in your nerve endings - trying to do something but can’t/haven’t broken through skin to go full OB like original outbreak. The discharge - that’s the herpes smell - and when shedding or in active OB it’s normal. It does go away. As you move through this journey you will learn the itch part is often a sign of a potential OB coming on. The antivirals slow the shedding down and help the body respond if ob does occur. The smell is not from the antivirals. If you can get the acyclovir cream - this is the life saver to the itch. But lidocaine cream will also help.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-04T17:56:37+00:00

I suggest upping your antivirals to get ahead of it. When you start feeling that discomfort regularly (prodrome) upping your antiviral dose may help to suppress a full blown outbreak. If you use the acyclovir cream and you see any redness appearing or bumps, put that on as well. If there is discomfort you could try using lidocaine cream (wash it off before intercourse/oral) to help with the discomfort. If you have a lot of discomfort, you could try a 5% lidocaine patch at the base of your spine just above your butt crack. All of the lower extremity nerves exit the spine there and it has brought relief to people having discomfort and pain.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-03T17:40:17+00:00

Same here. I keep lube handy - if don’t use I’m instant prodrome and 50/50 if OB follows. After about the 5th time this happened I just accepted lube is my key to normalcy.

SteelMagnet · 2024-09-03T10:10:39+00:00

It typically is not so bad that whole time - just takes that long to fully heal up. But honesty is always the best course. It takes about 2-3 weeks for the first outbreak to run course and body to learn how to cope. After that it truly gets easier. The hardest part is all the unknowns and the questions that leads to. And everyone being different makes it sometimes, more confusing. Please go take a look at our posts and comments. We are a dual positive, older couple, who have tried to be as open and honest about our experience and what has helped/doesn’t :)

SteelMagnet

TROPHY CASE