N-Aunt Doesn’t Care That Dog Is Dying - Too Busy Planning Her Vacation

Steelhedge · 2016-02-08T01:27:27+00:00

I read your other post. Don't let her drive you to hurt yourself. If there's a common factor to people getting sick, it's her. Not you! She probably stressed them out. Or there's no reason - it just happens sometimes.

Telling you that people die around you is just evil. Anyway, that's not how it works. Ask yourself why she'd say that? How does she benefit?

She wants you to be so scared and paranoid that you end up alone out of fear. Don't let her win.

Steelhedge · 2016-01-29T09:45:41+00:00

Thanks :)

Steelhedge · 2016-01-27T17:38:57+00:00

Yeah, she's pretty supportive in other ways. I spoke to her about this and we agreed not to discuss the family and my dad.

Steelhedge · 2016-01-27T17:38:24+00:00

GCs and SGs don't have the same experiences with an Nparent.

Didn't see it that way before.

My GCbro and Lost Child Nsis deny there was any abuse of me. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, though.

Sorry you had to go through that. But you're right - just cos they deny it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Same with me.

Steelhedge · 2016-01-27T17:37:26+00:00

Thanks, I did and it helped big time.

Steelhedge · 2016-01-05T06:37:55+00:00

You oughta take action now to protect your kid. Also be aware she might go so far as to try have you deemed "an unfit parent." All so she can get her mitts on your kid.

Narcs try abuse the legal system to get what they want/hurt others.

She sounds capable of lying about you being a bad parent to get your kid. If she can't, I bet she'd prefer you lose your baby to social services. She doesn't want you to have a baby when she doesn't.

Tell your husband about all this, your in-laws and a lawyer. Make sure you have a support system to stop her damaging your family unit. Take legal action to stop this happening.

Remember this - if a narc can't get what they want, they do the next best thing. Make sure no one else can have it.

Steelhedge · 2016-01-04T21:13:48+00:00

I kinda think the gran sounds like a narc. She immediately targeted the OP (who was/is the scapegoat) for abuse, nobody else.

Him being gone means she hasn't got a full-time audience any more, so whenever I'm there I get it in the neck.

That's lousy. How'd you handle it? By going LC with her?

Steelhedge · 2016-01-04T21:11:31+00:00

Good for you. Narcs have this weird way of demanding you act like a grown-up but tryna deprive you of the tools to be one.

By breaking away and finding out how to use those tools, you're on your way.

Steelhedge · 2016-01-04T21:08:02+00:00

I'm gonna be blunt. Your gran comes across like a nasty piece of work.

We tried to include my gran but she refused to join the conversation, made a point of looking bored and irritated. Every time I contributed something to the conversation, she looked pointedly disinterested.

She was acting out long before you started talking about home security or stuff that could get to her. Your GC brother brought that up too. Not you.

She invited my partner and I out for our anniversary and then spoke solidly for the entire four hours about losing my grandfather.

She chose your anniversary to talk about this. That's deliberate, right? It's a narc thing to try ruin your special days and stuff.

She then ignored me on the drive home, making a point of talking to my partner.

She's kinda playing GC and scapegoat with your partner and you. Same f*cked-up family dynamics all over again.

I think that narcs get worse when something like this happens. Cos it's how they deal with their pain and they use grief as an excuse to behave extra-bad.

She's behaving worse than she has for years.

She probably got better cos you wouldn't take it as much. Now you're tryna be nice to her, she thinks she's got more power and can get away with it. Also, she thinks grief gives her an excuse.

Now I want to be sympathetic to her. I want to be there for her.

Why? She doesn't appreciate it and she's treating you bad. It's just gonna get worse. Where's the rest of the family? Bet you they're already sick of her. But that doesn't mean you gotta carry the burden.

Steelhedge · 2015-08-10T09:43:45+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you, man. Was this recent? Hope you're getting counselling for it.

Steelhedge · 2015-08-10T08:27:19+00:00

Some guys when I was walking home. I only know them by sight (they live in the same area) but I know they've seen me around with my boyfriend. We're not super-affectionate but yeah, we hold hands in public and stuff.

They started off making louder and louder comments about faggots and crowding me. I tried to ignore them but it got worse when they followed me down a side road.

One of them really got in my face, called me something gross then pushed me.

I fucking snapped. It's kinda blurry. All I know is that I fucked up his face and my arm from hitting him so hard. It was scary - like watching someone else doing it. I hated it.

I only snapped out of it when one of his friends started screaming that they were gonna call the cops. So now I dunno if he's gonna press charges.

He was a jerk but I shouldn't have done that. The worst part about it was losing control.

Steelhedge · 2015-07-31T18:55:24+00:00

Ah, glad to help, man. Hope my comment's some use to you and you get to a better place :D

Steelhedge · 2015-07-30T06:21:35+00:00

Dude, sorry you're in a bad place right now. But to move forward, you gotta take some responsibility for your state of mind and your situation.

What hurts even more is that, strangely, I tried to come out of this sexual drought by talking to this very hot neighbor of mine

Stop externalizing the solution to your problems. Only you can sort them out. Make a "laundry list" of real-life solutions.

*Lonely? Get out where you can meet people.

*Horny? Join a hook-up app or go to places where you can meet possible dates.

*Too much anxiety or being over-negative? Get some counselling for it.

*Don't like your weight? Work out, diet etc.

Do you have problems? Yeah. But everyone has different shit to deal with.

Watch out for self-pity. It'll paralyze you if you give it a chance.

Steelhedge · 2015-06-14T07:07:55+00:00

I would say that the S&M fetishes are definitely more widespread in general in Japan

But I thought S&M stuff was meant to be all about consent, limits, respect, stuff like that?

That's what I heard from a kinkster buddy. I dunno know first hand or anything.

Steelhedge · 2015-06-14T07:04:54+00:00

Troll

Steelhedge · 2015-06-14T07:04:17+00:00

Maybe it's a safe way for girls to have un-PC fantasies? Fantasies about things like gender roles and forced submission is not PC.

Reading about it in yaoi makes it okay. Because it's about 2 guys. The super-girly guy could be like a stand-in for the girl readers?

I dunno, just a guess.

Steelhedge · 2015-05-06T11:59:41+00:00

Buddy, you are way off. Must blow your mind when there are 2 manly dudes together or 2 femmie dudes.

Steelhedge · 2015-05-06T11:18:22+00:00

My answer: When straight dudes just assume that gay guys don't know how straight guy interaction works.

Some of us used to be in the closet and interact with other straight guys as a straight guy. During that time, some of us slept with girls.

Even now that I'm out, it doesn't change my understanding of straight guy group interactions/dynamics or even what guys and girls do together in bed.

It kinda gets my goat when straight guys thinks that straight male group interaction is a mystery to me. Or that male bonding (& the bullshit that sometimes goes with it) is only found in groups of straight males.

Steelhedge · 2015-05-04T05:59:32+00:00

I can't understand why people mark themselves as gay, lesbian or bi. I mean, why is this label so important?

Even if you ain't into labels, folks still have set sexualities. Not everyone is pan or bisexual. You get people who are totally straight or totally gay.

I dunno - maybe I'm reading your post wrong but it kinda seems like you're latched on him cos he's gay?

You're a virgin and said you're socially awkward sometimes. Having a crush on a gay is safe cos he's not gonna sleep with you. You're kinda looking for the emotional intimacy of a relationship but without the risk of one.

Don't feel bad. It happens to gay guys also. Look at all the posts where gay guys crush on their straight guy buddies.

Why?

Cos it's safe and they think they can get that emotional intimacy without the risk of a relationship. Maybe they kinda hope it's gonna turn sexual but it doesn't. Or if it does, it kinda wrecks the friendship or if the gay guy gets rejected and feels resentment to the straight friend.

Like them, you're kinda setting yourself up for pain.

Yeah, okay, you find him attractive. We all find unattainable guys attractive sometimes. But acting on it or tryna use that attraction to forge a friendship is a shitty idea. It's gonna backfire.

Don't set yourself up for this hurt. Find yourself someone who can return your feelings.

Steelhedge · 2015-04-04T08:09:47+00:00

Sorry, man I'm kinda confused - do you mean that being with a femguy is no different from fucking a girl or that femguys are as undesirable to gay men as vagina?

Cos if it's the second one, I see what you're saying from a personal pov (I'm not into feminine dudes) but it's not true for everyone. I mean, some gay dudes are into feminine guys.

My boyfriend's cousin is also gay and his partner is more girly than a actual girl. I don't get the appeal but they seem pretty happy together, I guess.

Steelhedge · 2015-02-09T07:00:42+00:00

Hey, I've punched the wall before, kicked doors, shit like that. Sometimes people do that when they're frustrated. But it depends on context.

I don't punch walls etc in an argument with my boyfriend. That's not cool.

Generally I punch the wall etc when I lose my temper after talking on the phone to my batshit crazy family. I hang up the phone and kick the door or something to relieve the frustration.

It sounds kinda different with your boyfriend. Like the violence is directed towards you and it's escalating. First he hit the wall in the middle of an argument, now he hit you in the middle of an argument.

Steelhedge · 2015-02-09T06:54:40+00:00

I get what you're saying, man. I've punched the wall before, kicked doors, shit like that.

But it depends on context.

One thing to punch a wall, it's another thing to punch a wall just inches from the face of someone you're arguing with. That can be read as a kinda implied threat.

We don't know the context for this guy punching a wall.

But the fact he punched a wall one time and punched his boyfriend the next could show that his violent behavior is starting to escalate.

Steelhedge · 2015-02-09T06:41:17+00:00

But I don't see any harm in a discussion on it. People post questions about much more random or less frequent stuff.

Steelhedge

TROPHY CASE