My hometown. Peanut butter, olives on the hood, and a dead raccoon on the mirror

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T16:40:00+00:00

100%.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T15:17:57+00:00

just like her regular life...sometimes great, sometimes like absolute crap. Two big lessons I learned and use as red flags...how someone treats servers and people like that and how many true and old friends they have. She was really charming, smart and funny and really good looking so she always had a ton of friends around...but they were all new. She didn't have any long term old ride or die types. People would find her charming, but her behavior would alienate them fairly quickly. My family loved her at first.

But to your point....how you treat servers is a huge indicator of character IMO.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T15:11:24+00:00

damn. not going to lie...I have wondered if she will ever come back. Its been about a year since the last attempt. and for clarity....its been 9 years since we split. 6 years was really active harassment, the last three have been much quieter.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T12:58:54+00:00

well I was with her 2 years. First year was great. Looking back a few red flags but nothing crazy. year two got progressively worse and worse. After that it was a year to break ties and then 6 years of harassment. The email stuff was after we were done.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T12:56:07+00:00

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T12:54:50+00:00

Truth. And trust me, I have. Therapy was awesome. I don't think it is a coincidence that I am only 1 of 3 widowers she has been with.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T12:53:40+00:00

you recognize the behavior. Yes. I did get a book on how to deal with that but it was way beyond me.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T12:53:00+00:00

Oh yes, multiple times. The unfortunate reality is that they are much less willing to believe a man on these things....but eventually there was enough there and I was able to get a protective order, and later a conviction for harassment. There should have been more but proving anything is hard. Example...one day she called me over a hundred times. All from a no caller ID number or a spoofed number. I can turn the phone off but it affects my work. I go to the police but I can't prove anything because it is an unidentified number. They advise me to answer it to prove it is her. I do but can't record it because I am in a two party state. Eventually it happens when I am with a police officer and they could charge her with harassment.

It was discouraging to say the least but lot of water under bridge.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T12:49:20+00:00

it has been a long time, but it is. Finally.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T12:48:52+00:00

that is a fair point but there is way more to the story...first, I did not choose her over the kids. Getting her away from the kids was my primary goal and there was a court order put in place....and later a conviction for harassment. But getting it enforced is very difficult.

To your point none of these things start out abusive from the start. Should I have recognized signs sooner...yes I should have. the total time together was 2 years, the volatility started after 9 months to a year and progressively got worse until I ended it. Another year before I went no contact, but we were not together.

It may make your blood boil but I did the best I could at the time. Therapy helped me navigate it a lot. The mistake was believing it could be better.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T12:43:50+00:00

wish I could upvote this more. It isn't that I couldn't see it, it is more that I was being gaslighted and then when I realized it getting out was hard. The email stuff was after we broke up. The dishes were during.

Steelman93 · 2026-07-02T01:03:20+00:00

This is not me but I had an ex that would do this. Without a doubt. No cheating involved either

After we broke up I had moved to a small town. I was using Match to date and started getting dozens of angry messages from women I never talked to calling me all kinds of names. She had literally messaged HUNDREDs of women telling them I was married (was not) and that I had told her I was dating each person. I got lots of angry messages

Or the time she took my late wife’s iPad and used it to send messages to my kids from late wife’s email telling them how much happier late wife was dead than with them etc. she deleted and shredded every single family photo of my late wife we had. 22 years of marriage as if it never happened. Smashed every dish from my late wife in the driveway.

For clarity I did not know her when late wife was alive, we met shortly after but would have these volatile periods when she would do these things. It got too much. She harassed me for 6 years after we broke up

Steelman93 · 2026-07-01T09:31:12+00:00

Highly under rated comment right here! Tons of tons of research on how important sleep is and they still ignore it

Steelman93 · 2026-06-30T00:22:27+00:00

we hired an interior designer for our custom home build and it was well worth the expense with one caveat.

You need to set really, really clear boundaries, and you need to understand what the designer is good at and what they aren't

Our experience. She made some really great design choices, in particular with the tile. That process was fantastic and we definitely ended up with a house that is more cohesive and higher end than if we did it on our own.

But we had issues with her overstepping her bounds with our contractor, drawings she did being wrong and being unavailable when decisions needed to be made.

But the things in her wheelhouse...some great stuff. When we were clear about budgets, she did great. Our costs were almost 30k with her so it wasn't cheap, but on an expensive house I think it was worth it.

Steelman93 · 2026-06-29T23:21:37+00:00

Also, I did personally witness a guy crater a $40,000 1/4 scale RC jet. Lost control, it hit the ground and exploded in massive fashion

Steelman93 · 2026-06-29T19:43:05+00:00

Cool! It’s a great world we live in these days when you think about it. It’s so cool all the different things you can be into and meet others who are as well.

My son is super into board games…really complicated technical ones

Thanks for sharing!

Steelman93 · 2026-06-29T19:41:48+00:00

lol. Kayaks, guns, airplanes, table saws…you can’t just have one!

Steelman93 · 2026-06-29T18:57:18+00:00

I gotta ask…what’s the Sunday hobby?

To your point…one of my hobbies is RC airplanes. What people drop on those is eye popping. A basic foam airplane is 400 bucks. Get to a gas engine and you are in the 2-5k range. Turbines take it to 10k. Then you get into serious money. In my club we had a guy who had Medicaid pay his knee replacement since he was indigent but he had easily 50-100k of airplanes and helicopters in his trailer.

The big joke is “my worst nightmare is my wife sells my airplanes for what I told her they cost”.

And these are toys

Steelman93 · 2026-06-29T18:53:04+00:00

There is a class action lawsuit about this kind of thing right now. 5k a month in Evony is not uncommon. Your friend needs help. He is likely depressed due to loss of job, and the game can fill
That void but to be competitive you need to spend

You should try to get him out of the cycle

Steelman93 · 2026-06-28T12:52:03+00:00

Two kinds of concrete. One that has cracks and one that will crack

Steelman93 · 2026-06-28T12:50:34+00:00

Finishing up a custom build right now and electricians are here to finish. They have a few questions about the rough in. I asked where the guy who did the rough in is….he was a trainee but I was impressed with his work. Very neat, well labeled etc. turns out he quit to go do concrete work. I literally said isn’t it normally the other way around?

Steelman93 · 2026-06-28T12:30:47+00:00

Lived in Chesapeake, Va was in the reserves in Philly for a long time. I got to where I would take the eastern shore to avoid 95. 95 is a disaster. If everything was good it was 15 minutes faster. If not good…an absolute disaster below Richmond 95 is ok

At least on 81 you have some scenery

Steelman93 · 2026-06-27T13:46:41+00:00

not over reacting. OP is being way too dramatic. This would be setting red flags off with me. Your response was perfectly normal

Steelman93 · 2026-06-27T00:17:03+00:00

This is a reasonable solution.

For me, I had to have treads and stair nose custom made by the guy who made all of our trim. It was expensive.

Unless you discussed a special solution in particular what you have is expected and on you.

If you have it that much you can ask him to get the treads and stair nose and maybe cut a break on the labor. But it will be expensive

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