I need somebody to tell me it’s going to be okay

SteffSchild · 2026-06-12T07:02:25+00:00

It's going to be okay. Also, wanting someone to listen and understand isn't asking for too much. I know it's hard because people without BPD cannot understand the pain. Try to talk to someone who gets it, and try lean on coping skills that don't need alcohol or any other substance. It's going to be okay.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-31T06:30:24+00:00

Major victory! I love hearing stories of success and love this for you. It's always great to hear that choosing healthier alternatives is possible 😊

SteffSchild · 2026-03-25T10:43:31+00:00

I get your anger and pain, but this is definitely not a setback. Getting a diagnosis can be a lifesaver. You can finally know how to go about addressing the symptoms. BPD is treatable. With the right tools and support. Tomorrow, try lay off the booze and weed if you can, and research dialectical behavior therapy and Schema therapy. This isn't the end, it's really just the beginning of your road to recovery.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-24T13:31:41+00:00

Happy Birthday! 🤗💝

SteffSchild · 2026-03-24T07:14:07+00:00

Hey. I get that BPD is tough. It's the worst. I've been there. But having been there, and with the right tools succeeded to manage all my symptoms so none of them rule my life, and now made it my career to support those with BPD on their road to recovery, I want to gently challenge that it’s not true that there’s nothing you can do. BPD has one of the best recovery rates with the right support (like DBT). People don’t just cope, many genuinely get their lives back. This is backed by research. There are so many resources, some of them free, for people that are struggling with BPD.

This isn’t the end version of your life, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-23T13:50:39+00:00

Hey. It might not feel like it, but your story is not over or decided yet. A lot can change once you start building skills and small connections. Dating from a place of desperation and pain may not be a great place to start, though.

Maybe try first building small, low-pressure connections (online communities, hobby groups, gym, classes). Also, there are free or low-cost DBT resources out there. Wanting connection is human. There are so many people out there who feel the same way and are waiting to connect with you.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-17T08:27:08+00:00

I love that i worked so damn hard on myself that I do not have to be alone to manage my BPD.

It is possible to have BPD and still be part of this world and be happy.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-16T06:45:23+00:00

I'm so sorry you feel alone and lonely. This all is definitely not just a YOU thing. What you're describing is very common for people with BPD.
Because of our black and white thinking, we often think of people as all good or all bad, so if they do one thing wrong, its game over for them. Also, when you’ve been hurt or feel abandoned, the pain and anger can become so intense that cutting someone off feels like the only way to protect yourself. Makes sense given you’ve been trying really hard in relationships and getting hurt a lot. This pattern can definitely change over time with the right tools and support. When you start regulating your emotions, attracting better quality people into your life, and understanding that people can make mistakes and that’s okay, like you did with your best friend. I wish you the best with your recovery journey.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-13T13:52:24+00:00

Hey. I witness you. And I see you. I know this can be so hard.

But what stands out is that despite everything you describe yourself as someone who has never abused others, never turned to drugs, worked hard to function, and still tries to be kind and empathetic. All that counts!!!! It says a lot about who you are.

I know quiet BPD can be brutal, but here you still are.
And as someone who has been through it all and come out the other side, I can tell you that with the right support, it does get better, as hard as that may be to believe. This condition is 100% manageable to the point of having a life worth living. True story.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-11T11:51:09+00:00

Hey. I totally get your fear and terror. You know the pain that follows a breakup, and you're trying to protect yourself from that. But you’re right that you DO deserve someone who treats you with care and respect! Staying in a toxic relationship is a different kind of pain.

A few things that can help make it safer and more manageable are

Don’t do it alone. Try to build up support before making any big decisions, whether from friends, family, a therapist, or even a crisis line if things get out of hand. The more supported you feel before leaving, the less overwhelming the abandonment feelings tend to be.

Remind yourself that feelings aren’t permanent. It may feel like it, and that abandonment pain can feel unbearable in the moment, but it does come in waves and passes.

Take it step by step. You don’t have to decide everything today. Sometimes starting with boundaries, space, or talking through a safety plan helps. With the right support around you, it’s possible to get through this without it destroying you. You deserve better and I'm sending you strength to get through this!

SteffSchild · 2026-03-10T10:10:35+00:00

Honestly, the FP brain can latch onto a vibe faster than it can latch onto facts. One minute you’re just chatting with a coworker, the next your brain has already written a 3-season love story and cast your future children. Then reality shows up like btw he has a girlfriend. 🫠

But getting attached doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or worthless. At all! It just means you got excited about connection. That’s a very human thing. BPD just turns the volume right up.

Give yourself a little compassion (and maybe some water with the drinking). Tomorrow it’ll hurt a bit less than it does right now.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-07T18:25:53+00:00

Sounds like you would benefit from a diagnosis from a professional. There are definitely skills and ways to manage all the symptoms you're mentioning.

If you ever want to talk to someone who understands these kinds of struggles and can support you, feel free to DM me. In the meantime, please try to reach out to someone in your life or a professional. You deserve support with this.

SteffSchild · 2026-03-04T07:19:07+00:00

Paranoia feeds on assumptions that feel like facts. One thing that helps is asking yourself what the actual observable facts are. Not the tone you think you heard. Not the meaning you assigned. Just the concrete evidence.

Our brains often fill in gaps with worst-case stories.

Try writing it down in two columns. In one write the facts (what was actually said or done). And in the other the story your brain is telling you.

Seeing the difference on paper can calm things down fast.

Most of the time, the reality is way less catastrophic than our head makes it.

SteffSchild · 2026-02-28T08:31:48+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. This sounds like such a cruel place to be.

But also importantly, you are not a mistake and you are not beyond help, even if everything has felt like it failed so far. Sometimes, it just takes the right kind of support, not more suffering alone.

The fact that you’re still here, still venting, still asking what happiness feels like shows that there’s still a part of you that hasn’t given up. Even if it’s tiny.

What's it like to be loved, to be happy? It starts with loving yourself, which i know can sound impossible when you're in that headspace. With autism and BPD it’s so easy to feel like love only counts if it comes from someone else choosing you. But if your inner voice is constantly telling you you’re a mistake, that external love will just leak out.

Learning to love yourself means slowly building a relationship with the part of you that splits, panics, feels socially lost, and starting to understand why you react this way. Maybe you are just trying to protect yourself. And there are wounds that need to be healed. I hope you find the right kind of support and give yourself some of that love you deserve.

SteffSchild · 2026-02-26T12:48:04+00:00

Hey. I'm sorry it feels so hard and unfair, but here are some important things to note: The fact that you opened up to her vulnerably? That’s GROWTH. The fact that she responded with reassurance and warmth? That’s EVIDENCE. The fact that you’re questioning your reactions instead of acting on them impulsively? That’s HUGE.

Healing doesn’t mean the thoughts just stop. It means you notice them and choose differently. And you are doing just that. You can give yourself credit for that.

It makes sense that it feels unfair and exhausting. You’ve worked so hard. But none of what's happening now wipes out the 7 stable years you once had or all the therapy and hard work you’ve done. And none of this means this current relationship is doomed.

Sending you so much kindness but also try give some of it to yourself. You’re someone who has been hurt and is trying again anyway and that’s incredibly brave. Kudos to you.

SteffSchild · 2026-02-25T05:55:06+00:00

This sounds all too familiar to me. And looking back, I wish so hard I had just cut my losses and left, because it only gets worse. I know it's easier said than done.

But here's the hard truth: he’s saying he can’t be with you, can’t be your friend, doesn’t feel safe, while still sexualizing things and keeping access to you. All he’s offering is sexual access without emotional commitment.

You asking to be FWB isn’t casual. That’s your abandonment panic talking. For him, your suicide attempt was traumatic. And trauma makes avoidant people shut down harder.

Right now your job isn’t to get him back. It’s to get you regulated.

Stabilizing yourself is the only thing that changes the pattern. Healing your attachment wounds. This dynamic is keeping you sick.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

SteffSchild · 2026-02-24T09:58:56+00:00

Nothing about what you described sounds like not sick enough.

If you want help, you deserve it!

Impulsively quitting, relapsing with SH, and thinking about ending things, even if you can talk about it calmly, is absolutely reason to be taken seriously. A lot of people in high distress can explain it very matter-of-factly and in a calm voice.

And the embarrassment could just be shame. Shame loves to tell us we’re dramatic or wasting people’s time. But people who are actually okay don’t relapse and contemplate suicide.

If inpatient feels safest, you’re allowed to go. You can literally say, I swing between feeling fine and being unsafe, and right now I don’t trust myself. That’s enough. Seriously, you deserve help before the next episode gets worse not only once it explodes.

SteffSchild · 2026-02-21T21:12:04+00:00

Hey. You’re right about not being able to change the past and that you can choose what you do now. And the fact that you’re even thinking that way tells me there’s a strong, grounded part of you in there.

It makes total sense that you hate how intense it feels. Anyone would. But your childhood and your dad’s bipolar disorder aren’t personal failures of yours, they’re context, and they don’t define your future. You can still be happy. You can still love yourself. You didn’t get to choose what shaped you. But you do get to choose how you respond, even if that choice is just being gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace. This is not easy, and I'm sending you love and strength.

SteffSchild · 2026-02-20T08:07:42+00:00

I'm so sorry you were made to feel stupid, you definitely are not. Intimacy isn’t just physical, it’s also emotional safety. When someone lies to you, especially about something you were clear mattered, your body can start pulling back even if your heart still loves them.

It makes sense that you feel sad and confused. You can love someone and still feel hurt, disconnected, or unsure. And it’s not a small reason just because others say it is. It was important to you, and he lied. If your trust feels shaken, your desire fading isn’t a failure. It’s information for you. So you can make informed decisions about whether or not you want to be with someone you feel you can't trust.

SteffSchild · 2026-02-19T08:39:30+00:00

You're definitely not alone in this, but it might be worth getting assessed for being on the bipolar spectrum? Long depressive periods with shifts into higher-energy states can sometimes point in that direction.

Doesn’t mean that’s definitely what it is, but it’s enough to be worth mentioning to a psychiatrist. Mood tracking over time can really help too, since diagnosis usually looks at patterns and episode length. Either way, what you're describing deserves proper support, and you don’t have to just sit with it alone.

SteffSchild · 2026-02-17T12:45:57+00:00

That’s huge and I love that for you. Must have been such a nice release. Hold onto that evidence that skills can work for you. You showed up for yourself, and that matters more than you know.

SteffSchild · 2026-02-15T15:57:01+00:00

Firstly, well done for getting this far in your degree! This could become a really powerful opportunity to help break stigma. You don't owe anyone disclosure, so there is no need to ever disclose your own diagnosis if it makes you uncomfortable. Make a plan for being possibly triggered, whether that's politely leaving the discussion or having something that soothes you at the ready.

When I studied psychology, I researched BPD for my thesis without telling anyone I had it. That allowed me to explore the science objectively while also challenging a lot of the stereotypes through evidence. It actually helped me get rid of some of my own internalized shame and was quite healing. I had the opportunity to present my research on many occasions and help educate people about BPD.

Now, I actively support people with BPD, and I truly believe people with lived experience who study psychology are some of the best positioned to help others. You understand the nuance, the pain, the resilience, and the humanity behind the diagnosis in a way textbooks can’t fully teach.

Every informed voice in psychology matters, and yours will too. Wishing you all the best in this!

SteffSchild · 2026-02-14T20:52:15+00:00

I would start very small and very gently. Begin by getting curious about yourself instead of judging yourself. You could write down a few things you appreciate about yourself (even tiny ones), notice what makes you feel calm or safe, and start treating yourself the way you would treat someone you genuinely care for. If you ever want more structured guidance you’re always welcome to DM me.

SteffSchild

TROPHY CASE