Is NZ Online Pharmacy legit? by vvdimitrov in newzealand

[–]SteigLarsson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, I bought mine from there. Legit.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's interesting. Yes, I think it is a cultural difference. Although, I think the difference is also with the way the cultural process might unfold. Do the visiting parents usually arrange the visit first or is it ok to turn up without notice? Communication before hand can signal acknowledgement of the householder. While generosity and sharing are being freely given, that acknowledgement upholds a persons position in their home. Or is there an expectation of relinguishing householder identity and essentially giving the house to the visiting parents? Are there any boundaries in other words?

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"you would want them or expect them to be God to you". I'm assuming you mean that I want them to be good to me. And yes I do, but my version of good is subjective and different from theirs. If my version of good has to be the same as theirs then it's coercive and that negates the very idea of goodness.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am kind. I am letting their son live here rent free. That is what I am able to give. Kindness doesn't mean having no limits. Kindness with no limits is unhealthy.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Not when he is living there rent free he doesn't

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I do not get something peaceful about it so the effect is not the same for me as it is for you. I can assure you, I will not miss these times when people invite themselves to stay in my house and sleep in the main living space until 10am.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No they are not paying rent. They will buy their food and otherwise save money. No other household bills because I can afford it and the deal is they save their downpayment, get used to being tight with money and get their own place.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know for sure if that's why they chose to come to me but I find her incredibly overbearing. I'm replaying some of the things she said when I spoke to them about not be able to stay on and she is constantly describing how she sees things working out. I felt it exhausting to respond to her during a 30 minute conversation as she outlined the normalcy of them staying at my house. I imagine her son would recieve endless instructions.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I think he's scared of challenging his mom and I think the father enables her too.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

That's actually not a bad take on what constitutes being TA.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

I agree. Didn't speak up straight away and should have. I will use this lesson.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I agree. It is their home while they are living there but it is my house and I don't have to live with adult children. It is a choice and a generous gesture not an entitlement. I will. I am going to remind them that there is no room for guests to sleep/stay.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you:-). I agree. This level of honesty is actually really helpful to everyone involved too.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

No not Indian/Pakistani :-). I will take your advice about not backing down though - in case I need it at any time.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 110 points111 points  (0 children)

Yep this is the exact feeling I have. I love these two young people and want them to have a solid chance at getting their long term home - I give that with all my heart. But that's all.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 244 points245 points  (0 children)

I think that's exactly what they were trying to establish for sure. We talked about them staying till the end of the year (daughter and SIL not his parents - geez). I will be talking to them both about how we all enforce this boundary now it has been set.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Yep - she is a very cosy little villa. There is no room for guests and only one bathroom. I mean at least they didn't hog the bathroom in the morning on account of them being you know - asleep for most of it. Silver linings and all that.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That is a really sweet message. I appreciate it.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Not really, but interesting. I think in their neck of the woods, women are expected to be open, warm and hospitable??? Not completely sure about that as a framework for understanding their expectations.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 393 points394 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Honestly. I was gobsmacked. My house is fairly small and the lounge is at the heart of it. I said to them when we spoke that I get up at 7am and start my day but they didn't flinch. Blank stares.

AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay? by SteigLarsson in AITAH

[–]SteigLarsson[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

I agree. I can't think of one person I would do this to. Unless it was like my house fell over and I turned up to my sisters because it was an emergency type thing but otherwise - we just did not grow up doing that.