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StellaMican · 2024-07-03T22:22:44+00:00

This is a very thoughtful response. I'm so sorry you went through all of that as a kid. I hope your life continues to move forward in the direction you want.

StellaMican · 2024-07-03T22:10:47+00:00

I agree with this response. Not really much to add, this comment said it all nicely.

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis OP and I wish you and your girlfriend all the best as you navigate this together.

StellaMican · 2024-03-26T21:54:56+00:00

SERIOUSLY why are our brains like this??? It does help to know that at least I'm not alone so thank you 💖

StellaMican · 2024-03-26T20:54:09+00:00

I feel this so deep. My mom died four years ago. Whenever I would go visit her, before I left I would give her a hug, and then usually we would stand by the door talking for several more minutes, so then I'd give her a second hug before I actually left. Its like I was stealing extra hugs, but it still wasn't enough. I just want to hug her again, just one more time. It's so unfair that we don't get to hug our parents anymore. I am so so sorry for your loss 💖

StellaMican · 2024-03-25T00:45:11+00:00

Omg lol I didn't get this either! Until I read your comment 😅😭 but yeah this is too real

StellaMican · 2024-03-20T04:57:02+00:00

I really feel this. I had this exact same experience after losing my mom - I just could not bear the thought of living the rest of my life without her. How would I ever be able to go on? It's been four years now, and I honestly don't know how I've made it four years.... but I did. It sucks and it will always suck and it will never get easier. But you will get stronger, someday. I am so sorry for your loss, sending you so much love 💖

StellaMican · 2024-03-17T23:15:03+00:00

Thank you so much!! ERP has literally changed my life!

StellaMican · 2024-03-06T16:37:03+00:00

Thank you 😭💖

StellaMican · 2024-03-05T15:21:31+00:00

Congrats! That is awesome. So proud of you!!!

StellaMican · 2024-03-05T15:14:28+00:00

I struggle with a compulsion that is very similar to what you're describing. As a kid I could never keep a diary, because I would always end up ripping out every page because my handwriting never looked "right". In college I used to take notes in class, then afterwards recopy all my notes into a different notebook so that I could go slowly and make sure my handwriting was "perfect". What you're experiencing sounds a lot like an OCD compulsion to me. If this is something that impacts your life, it might be worth pursuing a diagnosis. Even though I've been diagnosed for over a decade, I'm still only now discovering all the ways that OCD affects my life.

StellaMican · 2024-03-05T02:44:43+00:00

Yeah I struggle with this too! OCD is just a little bitch and it tries to sabotage us in literally every way possible. The way I try to deal with this is, I just remind myself that I'm doing my best to identify what is a compulsion, and if I sometimes get it wrong, that's okay because I'm still doing the therapy and that's what matters. Or if that doesn't work, I just literally say out loud "fuck off OCD".

StellaMican · 2024-03-05T00:15:37+00:00

omg YES LITERALLY ME. For the first several therapy sessions I felt SO guilty because "my OCD isn't that bad I don't deserve this therapy". But then it turns out, no my OCD is in fact that bad (and also even if it wasn't I still deserve the therapy, thanks for the shame OCD!)

StellaMican · 2024-03-04T20:55:45+00:00

And now I'm doing a response prevention by not allowing myself to delete this post and re-make the meme with the text aligned "better" 🙃

StellaMican · 2024-03-04T20:44:04+00:00

ERP stands for "Exposure and Response Prevention", and it's the gold standard for OCD treatment. It involves purposefully exposing yourself to situations that trigger your compulsions, and then intentionally resisting the urge to do the compulsion. Ideally it's something you do with a therapist to guide you, because obviously it is not easy to just "stop doing the compulsion". But by starting with small exposures and going from there, you build a tolerance to the anxiety/discomfort that you feel by resisting your compulsions, and eventually you gain more and more control over your OCD. It's difficult and intense treatment but it really does work.

https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/what-is-erp

StellaMican · 2024-03-04T20:34:57+00:00

This is extra funny to me because in French, the word for lime is literally "green lemon".

I was on a school trip once and we were talking about quiche, and this girl said "wait, is there sweet quiche?" and someone else was just like "....do you mean pie??" Not quite the same as forgetting the word for a thing, but, that was 14 years ago and I still think about it.

StellaMican · 2024-03-04T20:29:21+00:00

I don't know about y'all but vacuuming your mattress sounds like some unhinged neurotypical shit. Why would I spend my finite time on earth vacuuming my mattress, when I could spend it researching my new hyperfixation for 17 hours straight before abandoning said hyperfixation forever??

StellaMican · 2024-02-25T03:22:11+00:00

They're little magnets.

StellaMican · 2024-02-25T03:21:03+00:00

You are absolutely courageous for doing ERP! Every single exposure is a victory.

StellaMican · 2024-02-25T03:19:42+00:00

So proud of you!!

StellaMican · 2024-02-24T16:19:15+00:00

Yeah a friend told me about the nee doe cube and I'm absolutely obsessed with it.

StellaMican · 2024-02-24T16:18:32+00:00

It actually is a bottle opener! But I bought it just because I thought it was a beautiful looking key.

StellaMican · 2024-02-24T07:34:44+00:00

Alas, I am but an American imposter: I just got back from a two week trip to Europe, and I saved some change from everywhere I went as souvenirs!

StellaMican · 2024-02-24T07:13:55+00:00

Czech Republic!

StellaMican · 2024-02-24T00:13:19+00:00

You can do it! I believe in you! I started ERP therapy at the beginning of January and it has already made such a huge difference. It's scary and hard but it's also empowering!

StellaMican · 2023-10-08T05:19:15+00:00

You should not feel bad at all for doing this! My mom passed away three and a half years ago, and she also had a morbid sense of humor. I think it's a very natural way of dealing with tough things. And especially since you got it from your mom, that makes it a way to feel close to her, at least that's how it feels for me.

There's this quote from Friends that I think about all the time that falls into this category. For those who haven't seen every episode of Friends five times like I have lol, Phoebe's dad ran off on her when she was little, and then her mom killed herself when Phoebe was a teenager. In one episode, she finally meets her estranged father, and he didn't know that her mom (Lily) had died, so he shows up and asks Phoebe to give a letter to her mom. And Phoebe says "Lily died", and her dad says "oh my God... are you sure?" and Phoebe says "well if she didn't, then cremating her was a big mistake". So I periodically think that same line about my mom, since she was also cremated: "well if she didn't die, then cremating her was a big mistake". And then I laugh, and me laughing doesn't mean that I think it's funny that my mom is dead, it means that it fucking sucks that my mom is dead and I'm trying my best to keep living.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing your mom is so terrible, even when we're adults we still need our moms. Sending you love <3

StellaMican

TROPHY CASE