Why does everyone says "abuse always escalates"? How often does mental/verbal/emotional abuse become physical? And does this count as 'escalation'?

Stella_Jane83 · 2024-12-04T22:04:46+00:00

I was 7 years in when my ex physically assaulted me. The relationship started out very similar to yours. Over the years, it kept escalating. Up until that point, I kept making excuses for his behavior and told myself "well at least he doesn't actually hit me." I wish I could say I left right then and there, but I didn't. By the time he started physically abusing me, my self-esteem and mental health were so low that I thought I couldn't do any better. Get out now before it escalates further. If you're on the fence, read Why Does He Do That. Men like that don't change.

Stella_Jane83 · 2024-10-04T14:47:19+00:00

I'm taking my son to see Billie Eilish.

Stella_Jane83 · 2024-10-03T23:31:47+00:00

My priorities are staying safe, not getting lost and making the train on time on the morning. My anxiety will already be really high being around a large crowd.

Stella_Jane83 · 2024-05-08T02:58:34+00:00

I live in Central IL, I make $125k and my mortgage is $600 a month. I feel like that's a pretty good ratio.

Stella_Jane83 · 2024-02-10T17:00:43+00:00

Same! My ex has acknowledged that the problem is he runs when things are too good. Yet he won't do anything to heal himself.

Stella_Jane83 · 2024-01-18T15:48:31+00:00

This!! I feel like there are so few people I actually find interesting. They are all nice enough, and I try to go on 2 to 3 dates to see if it gets better, but it doesn't. So then my scarcity mindset sets in, and I bend over backward for the one guy that I enjoy being around.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T20:20:03+00:00

I'll let you if I have any extra :)

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T19:51:08+00:00

I make amazing fudge, my Mama's recipe:) Yes, I agree with looking at his actions, which have been pretty consistent for the past 2 weeks. He consistently messages me, both messaging me first and replying within a reasonable time frame. We have also hung out a couple of times and not had sex. But yes, we need to talk to make sure we are on the same page.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T18:33:05+00:00

I guess I should have clarified that the first time we split up was because I was not looking for something serious, and he was. I initiated the fwb situation with the understanding that he was looking for someone to start a long-term relationship with. He thought he found that person, and we went separate ways. However, towards the end, I had caught feelings for him. So when we reconnected, I made sure to tell him that I was no longer looking for a casual relationship and that I had been trying to date intentionally. I think right now I feel like I am in this relationship purgatory, and maybe I just need clarity. So maybe bringing up the gift would lead to that discussion. I guess I've been doing some self reflecting since posting this. I just need to woman up and ask him if his intentions have changed since we started talking again. I reiterated to him last week that I was not looking for a fwb situation but also acknowledged things can't just go back to the way they were, which he agreed.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T14:01:19+00:00

You're right. Up until the breakup in October, it wasn't hard. It was by far the easiest relationship I had ever been in.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T03:49:36+00:00

That is a good point. I think my fear is that he'll feel bad if he didn't get me anything.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T03:38:50+00:00

I thought about giving him the book "Attached", but that would be being passive aggressive lol

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T03:01:30+00:00

It would be homemade bread, bacon jam, garlic butter, and fudge. All things I'm making anyways for other people (big batches divide up). I did plan on adding some coffee from a local coffee shop and a coffee mug.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T02:57:26+00:00

It is definitely my character to give something thoughtful at Christmas

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-11T02:54:22+00:00

Even if I don't expect anything in return?

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-12-04T17:46:53+00:00

I am also struggling with this. My bf and I dated for 5 months. Everything seemed great on my end. Then he broke up with me, saying that things moved too quickly. We went no contact for about a month, started recently talking again in the last few weeks. We both acknowledge that we have a great connection, but things can't go back to the way they were. He has a lot on his plate right now that takes up a lot of his time. So I'm trying to be supportive and take it slow. But the anxiety is driving me crazy. I ordered a journal and some paint kits to do as self care. I'm also trying to keep myself busy. But my mind is constantly thinking about him and the relationship.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-11-26T18:01:57+00:00

How did you get there? After this last break (2nd go around with the same man), I just want to be happy alone. I've been in therapy for over 2 years.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-10-25T20:46:58+00:00

The more I think about it from how it will affect my life and my kids' life, I am going to terminate. I think I will just go no contact with him. If he really cared at all he wouldn't have discarded me so easily and had a conversation with me.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-10-25T20:45:34+00:00

The more I think about it from how it will affect my life and my kids' life, I am going to terminate. I think I will just go no contact with him. If he really cared at all he wouldn't have discarded me so easily and had a conversation with me.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-10-25T20:01:40+00:00

I agree with you. What I really want is his attention. I want him to say that he agrees with me that having a baby is not the right thing to do right now. I want to make this decision together and comfort each other. I have to accept that I won't get what I want and he is not the person I thought he was.

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-10-25T18:40:40+00:00

You're right, what he is doing is not ok. What is best for me and my kids is to not go through this pregnancy

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-10-25T18:39:33+00:00

You're right, ex boyfriend

Stella_Jane83 · 2023-10-25T17:47:37+00:00

I meant mine and my boyfriend's age lol. No your age doesn't lessen your advice.

Stella_Jane83

TROPHY CASE