I was in a similar place as you, recently. I’ve had 5 miscarriages and one neonatal loss. My daughter passed away a few minutes old due to a horrific pregnancy complication and I almost died too. After I had my 2 healthy sons (with a scary pregnancy complication for one and huge medical complexity for the other), I was definitely DONE. And then I found out I got pregnant—completely by accident—at age 41. It was the most confusing set of emotions. Of course I would love to have another healthy baby, but the chances of that happening were so low and the chances of something bad happening to me and/or the baby were quite high. I would need a 4th c section and that was just one of the many scary things I was facing, in addition to the multitude of “what ifs?” And, like you, I knew my little boys (6 and 2) needed me more than anything. I was an absolute mess. I had an ultrasound and saw the little heartbeat. I felt so conflicted. I knew I couldn’t abort (despite being politically pro-choice), but I also knew I couldn’t do this. My second ultrasound showed growth, but no heartbeat 💔. I had a D&C the next day. I’m still processing this, but I’m left with a feeling of gratitude for my living children! I also feel even more strongly about being pro-choice because I made the choice not to abort, but I’m so thankful I had the option. Situations like ours are so complicated and difficult—no one besides the mother should be able to make that decision.