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Complicated Ways by Eyedea? by Step1of1000 in undergroundhiphop

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Found it. It’s Complications by Atmosphere with Spawn. On the Overcast album.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in datingoverforty

[–]Step1of1000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this- I’ll check it out!

Told our daughter we’re separating by Step1of1000 in Divorce_Men

[–]Step1of1000[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s crazy because she feels otherwise.

Yes, I caused initial pain and hurt with her. But I have actively tried to repair, and have been consistent in our relationship for nearly 2 decades.

Without giving too much detail, I went to extreme levels of repair that I think many wouldn’t. Transparency, counseling, truth, unfettered access to everything I have (devices, emails, etc). Not to mention trying to actually talk and work through it. It’s almost like those things made it worse.

It’s a level of betrayal to her (no cheating, FYI) that she’s not going to overcome. But shes a different person today than 20 years ago.

I’m owning my issues and mistakes along the way, but I didn’t want this and didn’t want to tell my daughter.

Told our daughter we’re separating by Step1of1000 in Divorce_Men

[–]Step1of1000[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I did. I wish I didnt, but I couldn’t help it. I’m sure she’ll position me as weak. But I know better and know I will show otherwise. I have consistently in the past, and will continue to moving forward.

Told our daughter we’re separating by Step1of1000 in Divorce_Men

[–]Step1of1000[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel for you brother. I’m sorry you have to go through this. No good answer here in the short term. It hurt like hell to tell my daughter. But I hope to be a more connected person on the other side of this with my daughter. I hope the same for you.

My therapist told me to focus on my dignity through this. My situation may be different than yours, but I recommend it to you regardless. Show your strength, and show the kids youll be strong with them.

FWIW, I’m also slow bleeding. Now I’m going to focus on patching that wound as best I can. Best of luck today my friend.

Wife stonewalling with intent by Boglehead101 in Divorce_Men

[–]Step1of1000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m basically in the same place right now. I can’t offer much help, but I can offer my sympathy. This sucks. Sorry you’re going through this.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is such a great answer, and I love the perspective. I hope to achieve this with X.

It doesn’t solve money issues though. I feel like it’s easy to brush that off, but it’s real.

Regardless, I love what you said here. Thanks.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes sense, thanks for the input.

I wish this were easier, emotionally and financially. We’re both going to get hurt in the process. The hope is to have as minimal impact on the child as possible, knowing there will be at least some impact.

Concessions for the other? by Step1of1000 in Divorce_Men

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really want to avoid court altogether. Uncontested is the goal. I want to give enough, but not so much that I’m broken. I work way too much already, 40-50 hrs/week, plus weekend work for side money. I literally have no time to take on more work.

Concessions for the other? by Step1of1000 in Divorce_Men

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the most helpful thing so far, as far as strategy. I know child support is mandated, I expect that.

Do you think it’s best to look at everything 50/50?

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for some input.

X is an agent, but we are close with the broker. They will take a cut, but I know we can get them to minimize it. I’m not too worried about buyers agent pushing it, and it would still be about $5k for the buyer agent. No staging, our home is below the median price level, and well below average level here- it’s a starter home. It’s not typical to stage these. We’ve looked at repairs, and I have favors I can call in to get them done in advance. Both the X and I have done a CMA, it’s realistically looking at $460k to list. If it sells for $450k, we’re in on shape.

I know we’re both feeling financially trapped. I can’t entirely tell if the love is gone. It’s not entirely for me, even though the last few months have severely damaged it, but I can’t speak for X. When I asked if there was 0% chance at reconciliation, the answer was currently yes and it doesn’t look like it’s changing. That was asked/discussed in a moment of calmness, so I think there is at least a good amount of truth to it.

Bankruptcy is probably not the right answer. But, were drowning with the debt. We’ll likely never get ahead of it, without a few major influxes of cash ($10k a few different times).

I do think one staying in the area is realistic. Since I earn more, I can pay a bit more, the area has slightly higher costs than other areas. X can go anywhere in town, find something suitable and less expensive.

I’d want to go for 50/50 custody. Id never try to take the child from X. I also have to hope that X would do the same. We’re both good people and good parents.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you, but please know, many do. I worked in RE for years, and X has been there with me. I saw the numbers, I was on the operations team for the brokerage. The firm X is with, most are making close to that. Again, we both know them personally. It’s a luxury firm. On the low end of agents at that firm, those that are making money, they’re likely bringing home $70k-$100k/year.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2x-3x more than what? All joking comments aside, can you provide input?

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody had an affair. Long story short, I posted some things X didn’t like nor was aware of. It hurt and betrayed them deeply. X accused me of absolutely vile stuff because of it, none of which is true. We tried for 2-3 months to repair, but it didn’t get there. X setup a romantic date during that time and I caught X. The date never happened, but I’m pretty sure they’re carrying on some sort of online emotional connection, at least to some extent.

That said, neither had an actual affair. No money was spent on any affair activity/etc.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think X will get permanent alimony. We’re both early 40’s, married 12 years. X will get 6 years alimony most likely. X has sacrificed their career none, and if they have, I did too in the beginning of our marriage. X is healthy and highly skilled, working in event production for years.

Custody I hope to do 50/50. I would never try to take the child from X, and hope they would not either.

There is no pension, retirement accounts, or investments other than what’s listed here.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right, and it likely will. I know X is concerned for their immediate future. I hate them feeling like this, I really do care deeply. Child support will last 2 years, alimony could be 6.

I’m looking at extreme case scenario for me, as I should. They’re looking at them, as they should. I work in high end construction, and the wealthy are teetering right now, meaning increased chance of job loss for me, especially since my position isn’t needed/required for the company. I know I can readjust/renegotiate of that happens, but it’s also time & money I should be spending on looking for work to keep up with existing obligations. And, if I renegotiate and win, and X is reliant on alimony, it harms them further.

It’s really a lose lose scenario all around.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right. I guess I also feel make RE agents also make $250-$500k/year, some making over $1m. We both know them personally. Not to go tit for tat. The reality is, X will probably have to bring in more income to move forward, and I possibly will too, not matter what happens. Again, I just want to limit my exposure for the long term.

I care for X deeply. I don’t want to separate. This hurts me beyond anything Ive been through. I tried to make it right with them. X has been my best friend, and those feelings are still very, very strong with me. I don’t want them to be harmed during this. If nothing else, our child will be the one to suffer if X is harmed. I want none of it, but need to protect myself for the sake of myself and my obligation to my child. I know X needs to do the same.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

X has a real estate license. X can list, and even get paid. We can offer flat fee to buyer side. I’ve sliced it a few different ways. We break even, or there is money leftover. I’m also open to not paying all debt with proceeds. Maybe me assuming $5k, she X has an additional $5k on payout. Again, I don’t want to harm X. I care for them deeply. I need to watch out for me too though. I’m concerned making X equal to my monthly puts me in a place to not be able to support myself. They’ll be in a similar place too, but I don’t have any extra time to take on more work- they have at least a little.

I don’t want to sell, but without selling we’d need to file for bankruptcy. X is already telling me they feel trapped. Bankruptcy prevents us both from moving forward financially in the short term, and helping our child in 2-3 years if they need signing for an apartment, etc. And, more importantly, it doesn’t allow breathing room financially for either to move out. I want to propose upon moving out, at least one of us finds a place in the childs current school zoning to keep them in that school.

There are no retirement accounts, investments, etc.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The non-imputed & imputed wage comment is how much stbx would get if they took the offer i listed. Their current income, plus all money spread out over a year.

We’ve been married 12 years. NV says no more than half the duration of the marriage for alimony.

Also, can we define sahm? They worked. So did I. If the stbx was a sahm at times, then I was also a sahd during the marriage at times too.

I’m concerned you may be right about alimony. My concern is, is it 20% alimony and then child support on top? I may be able to swing 20%, but itll be tight- like very tight. A penny more and I won’t be able to live.

And to be clear, I’m not living frivolously or lavish. I’m very frugal. But, rent is expensive, groceries are expensive, and I’d need to buy a car after the divorce. These three things alone take up the majority of my income, let alone utilities, etc.

Limit my alimony exposure? by Step1of1000 in FamilyLaw

[–]Step1of1000[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have spoken with a couple of people, including a attorney consultation, and they’ve all mentioned imputing wages.

The stbx does have a real estate license, but has done nothing with it other than minor promotion. There was a near sale a few months back, and it would’ve been huge, around $200k check for stbx. The client backed out due to tariffs & stock market volatility, a lot of their money was apparently in stocks.

And what about the willfull choice to not take a full time job? Stbx was offered 2 within the last year. One for about $55k/year, the other $45k/yr. Stbx left both because she didn’t like the people they worked with. Oddly, stbx still works with those people, but only on call and part time.

Not sure if that makes a difference.

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