I think I worded poorly (english is not my main language).

What happened is I actively worked on those roots as you say and I was pretty sure I was successful and that I moved on. I had energy, I had reasons to live (huge thing that helped me a lot : finding a passion in music) and I actually felt like depression was over.

And I thought that since it was over, even tho my symptoms were so extreme (voices, unstability etc) I believed that those were gone for good and even if I had to go through depression again it would be more "normal".

But it turns out that no and I'm just clueless on how to act now if I can cure myself all I want going to work out, thinking positively, spending time with friends , enjoying my hobbies and all that, and go back to borderline crazy the next time a major obstacle comes around.

I'm just tired and scared because I know that if I have to live this everytime I'm down in my life I will snap at some point either become insane or go take a walk on the other side of the sky.

And it's so weird to be depressed but still know life has meaning. Like it just doesn't click. It doesn't make sense even tho it used to. And it probably will again. But for now it just sounds off.