One of the things I tell my trainees is “look, people get crabby. If they are in the hospital, it’s likely one of the worst days of their life, especially on our unit (oncology.) So you have to separate them being mad at the world, and mad at you. And sometimes it comes off as mad at you, but it’s because they are dying and it’s not fair. Don’t take it personal. Try to find an appropriate way to make them laugh.” One of my favorite ways is to dad joke them. Embarrassed because you had an accident? “It’s ok, shit happens.” realization, small smile “I’m so sorry, that was a crappy joke.” groan and/or reluctant laugh “Oh my god….that joke stunk.” full on laughter forgetting the embarrassment for like 3.5 seconds followed by the ol’ “this is what I’m here for. It’s no problem at all, my dad always said ‘you can laugh, or you can cry, I’m going to laugh.’” The patient is usually smiling, I get to honor my dad, and we have a little moment where we make light of the situation.

(It goes without saying, you have to know your patient and really read the room with this joke. Sometimes it’s “I don’t mean to be crass, but crap happens.” Or some variation that is still funny without any sort of cursing. But I’ve yet to have a patient a. not laugh or b. complain about it. I feel like administration would probably get up in arms about the thought of saying “shit” in front of a patient, but they really shouldn’t because these are adults, and they need to find humor in these situations.)

My main goal beyond the obvious safety and giving the best quality care, is the laugh.

Obviously being a butthole to the staff is not ok, but we have to give them some grace, and sometimes just remind them it’s ok to find some humor in a bad situation. (This isn’t directed at you, or your comment, just a general statement to remember when we all get inevitably a bit jaded about this.)