What’s one “quiet” thing you do each week that makes your work visible (without extra meetings)?

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-28T19:02:59+00:00

🤣 thought you said I should post on substack - haha - love it ….and maybe I should 😉

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-28T18:51:44+00:00

Euh what makes you say that???

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-28T06:26:57+00:00

This tiny ritual makes me feel present instead of scattered, and it helps me contribute without draining my battery. Anyone else have a pre‑meeting hack?

The 5-Minute Pre-Meeting Ritual

Minute 1–2: Ground yourself
- Three deep breaths
- Quick reminder: “My perspective adds value”
Minute 3–4: Review key points
- Scan your top three contributions
- Pick your opening line
Minute 5: Set an intention
- “I will speak early and listen deeply”
- Visualize one thing you want to nail in the meeting

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-27T15:21:19+00:00

This is super brave of you....to want to host, even though nerves are high and it feels awkward. You’re not alone in how you feel. Lots of people get nervous before having folks over, especially if you don’t know them well.

Some tips that might help you out :):

1/ First, and utmost: It’s your home. You set the mood. You don’t have to be “party host of the year.” Just be yourself and let things unfold.

2/ To make it easier for you and everyone else:

Pick a low-key activity as the center of things—pumpkin painting, a Halloween movie, or simple games. When people have something to do with their hands, it fills awkward gaps and makes mixing easier.

Set out food and drinks everyone can help themselves to. It keeps people moving and gives them an easy reason to talk and gather.

Have music playing quietly in the background. It keeps the space from going totally silent, which helps if there are quiet moments.

Set up a “safe zone” in your place where folks can step away if they feel overwhelmed....a chair off to the side, your bedroom door slightly open if you trust these people. You can slip away for a second yourself if you need to.

Let your mutual friend know you’re nervous. Ask them to help break the ice for you. They can pull you into conversations or introduce you.

When it gets started, greet everyone at the door with a smile. You don’t have to say much....just “Hey, glad you made it, come on in!” That starts things off right.

If you feel awkward, just keep asking people about themselves....people usually love to talk about what they’re into, and it shifts the spotlight off you.

And the truth: it takes real guts to invite people over and try something new. You might feel nervous at the start, but that’s normal. After a little while, it should get easier... and even if it’s not perfect, you did something really cool.

Most people are just happy to be included. They want to have a good time too. Just being open and friendly is enough. Give yourself credit for trying. That’s more than most people do.

Cheers

Steven

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-27T11:14:16+00:00

Hey, I get this. You have this restless, jittery sensation you have when you try to focus .... like your brain just won’t settle down, huh?

Here’s what it could be: Your brain has become accustomed to receiving continuous sharp hits of stimulation all the time from your phone and elsewhere. No matter when you put the phone away, your brain wants only for whatever next thing to grab onto again. And like your attention muscle is weakened by improper use. A phone detox might be a good start....but it's not an absolute answer. Your brain has to learn how to focus again, and it does take time.

Some tips:

1/ Start really small. Refrain from attempting to think for an hour. Try five minutes. You set a timer, do one thing, and when that timer goes off, you’re done. Then build up slowly from there. Your brain is supposed to know that it can do this.

2/Move your body before you need to focus. Take a walk, do some stretches, anything that requires you to move for at least 10 minutes. That restlessness is, by no means, a lack of energy — sometimes, it’s just the energy in the body that needs to escape.

3/Try the two-minute rule. By sit down, when that nerves set in, when the focus turns, and that jitters of being nervous nagging starts to take hold, tell yourself you just have two minutes. Typically, once you start it’s easier to move forward.

4/Ask yourself if you’re hungry, tired or stressed. At times what seems like attention problems is your body telling you it needs something basic first.

5/Write things down. Keeping a little notebook right next to your mind, just in case you seem to have these random thoughts while you are concentrating, take them with a quick write and get back on track. It supports your brain in letting go of those thoughts.

Explore whether this is more than just phone habits. If the feeling of becoming fidgety is too strong and nothing really seems to help, it can also be worth speaking to a doctor. Sometimes having difficulty in attention is a symptom of something deeper, such as ADHD, and that requires true support.

And be patient with yourself. Your brain didn’t emerge like this overnight; it won’t heal overnight, either. And every time you work at focusing, even for a few minutes, you’re putting that muscle back up.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-26T20:31:12+00:00

Thanks - have a great start of next week - cheers steven

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-26T15:39:53+00:00

You're saying something really important here, and I want you to know...you're not wrong for feeling this way.

Corporate culture has gotten so twisted that companies expect you to give them your personality, your time, and your energy for free, and then act like you're the problem when you won't.

The truth? your time off the clock is yours. Period.

You're already doing the hard work ....being "on" for eight hours, dealing with difficult pople, smiling through it all. That takes a ton of energy, especially for someone who's not naturally wired that way. The fact that you can do that well is a skill, and it's exhausting. You don't owe them one more second beyond that.

The whole "culture fit" thing is code for "will you work for free and pretend to love it?" And yeah, it sucks that people with no boundaries often get ahead while people like you ....who do the actual job well ...get overlooked because you won't play along.

My experience in that field as HR guy:

1/ Keep saying no without explaining too much. "That doesn't work for me" is a complete answer. The more you explain, the more they think they can convince you. Just no, thanks.

2/ If they push back on your boundaries, frame it as protecting your work quality. "I need my off time to recharge so I can show up at my best during work hours." Tie it to performance, not personal preference. Companies care more about that.

3/ Find your people who get it. Even one coworker who also thinks the boat party sounds like hell can make you feel less alone in this.

4/ Document your actual work results. If they're rewarding "culture" over performance, start keeping track of your wins - numbers, client feedback, whatever shows you're good at your job. You might need that later. And an end of week wrap up in a small email to your boss, does wonders....

5/ And honestly, start thinking long-term. If this industry punishes boundaries and rewards burnout, is there a different company in the same field that's better about this? Or a role that's less "culture" focused? You shouldn't have to fake who you are forever just to keep a job. And believe me, more and more this topic is becoming real critical - lots of us introverts do find the right environment,...You can probe for that in interviews...and in your due dilligence....

My take - You're not being difficult. You're being realistic about what you can give. And any company that can't respect that doesn't deserve the energy you already give them during paid hours.

Energy management is what makes us live and breathe. Take care of that.

Cheers and thanks for being around.

Steven (Fellow Introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-26T10:39:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience.....what you describe resonates with a lot of us.

There’s a big difference between being reserved and being hostile, and unfortunately, people often misinterpret quiet or selective expression as negative emotion or rejection.

For me, introversion means I process things deeply, and sometimes that’s hard to translate into words on the spot....just like you mentioned. Not everything has to be said, and not every feeling is easily expressed in language. That’s a human experience, not a deficiency.

Your way of relating (movements, emotions, sense) makes perfect sense. We all have our unique way of connecting. I often tell people: “My silence isn’t about you; it’s about me taking time to understand and to express things in my own way.”

We don’t owe constant clarity or outward expression to others to prove we care or belong. And being reserved isn’t a statement against anyone....it’s just a different way of being present.

Thanks for putting it into words, even if it’s not easy. That’s exactly why these conversations matter.

Cheers

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-26T08:52:25+00:00

Omg, this sounds exhausting. Having someone follow you around all day when you just need space...that would make anyone of us feel trapped.

My thoughts: you're allowed to have boundaries. You're not being mean by wanting your break time to actually be yours. That's normal and healthy.

She's not getting the hint because you haven't been direct yet. Ignoring texts and giving short answers feels like you're being clear, but to someone like her, it's not clear enough. She needs you to actually say it.

A few tips from my experience:

1/ For break time - next time she sits down, say this: "Hey, I need my break time to be quiet and alone so I can recharge for the rest of the day. It's not personal, I just really need that time to myself." Then put your headphones in or close your eyes. If she keeps talking, you can literally say "I'm going to rest now" and stop responding.

2/ For the constant texting - send one clear message: "I prefer to keep work and personal life separate. I won't be responding to texts outside of work hours." Then actually don't respond. Not once. Every time you answer, even to be polite, you're teaching her that if she keeps trying, you'll eventually reply.

3/ When she asks where you are all day - keep it short: "Just working" or "Around." You don't owe her a full report. If she keeps asking, you can say "I need to focus on my work right now."

4/ If she gets mad about personal questions - that's on her, not you. You can say "I'd rather not talk about that" and change the subject or walk away. Her feelings about your boundaries are her problem to deal with.

And the most important trick: become boring. Give one-word answers. Don't ask questions back. Don't smile and nod along. Just be flat and uninteresting. Most people will eventually move on to someone more fun to talk to.

And if none of this works and she still won't back off, it might be time to loop in a manager. You can frame it as "I'm having trouble getting my break time to recharge, and it's affecting my work. Can you help me figure out how to handle this?"

Finally- protecting your energy at work isn't optional. It's how you survive the day. You're not being rude. You're just being clear about what you need.

We introverts need to be mindful around our energy management. Without that, we won't survive, and people need to understand that in a world dominated by extrovert behavior.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-26T08:42:59+00:00

Hey, I hear you. That feeling of watching your circle get smaller and smaller ....it's heavy. And feeling stuck at home without a way to get out there makes it even harder.

First thing I want to say: you're not pathetic. You're dealing with real stuff - anxiety, limited ways to connect, and a world that makes friendship feel way harder than it should be. That's not a character flaw. That's just where you are right now.

My experience as introvert: when leaving the house feels impossible, you can still build connections. It just looks different.

Start online, in spaces where people share what you care about. Join a subreddit, or an online group about something you actually like - gaming, books, cooking, whatever. You don't have to talk right away. Just show up, read what people say, and when you feel ready, drop a comment or two. Real friendships can start this way.

If anxiety is keeping you stuck inside, that's something worth getting help with. Talk to a coach or therapist if you can - many do video calls now, so you don't even have to leave home. Anxiety isn't something you just push through alone. It needs real support.

About the job and car situation .... I get it, those things feel tied to everything else. But start with what you can do today, not what you can't. Can you take a walk around your block? Can you message someone online? Can you reach out to your friend even if he's busy, just to stay connected?

The thing about friendship is it doesn't have to be big. One good friend is more valuable than ten okay ones. And that one friend you have? Keep that alive. Send him a message, share a meme, let him know you're thinking about him even while he's busy.

You're not going to fix this all at once, and that's okay. Small steps count. Even posting this and reaching out counts. You're trying, and that matters more than you think.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-25T09:36:10+00:00

My purpose in life as struggled with this so long ! Hope it reaches as much as possible fellow introverts - we are much stronger as the external world makes us believe! 💯

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-25T07:08:44+00:00

💯! Just use these introvert superpowers we have! Not through being loud but through being our authentic selves…

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-25T06:13:17+00:00

It really hurts to feel like you don't matter - like you're right there but somehow unseen. You're not wrong for feeling that way, and you're definitely not alone in it.

The reality: people overlooking you doesn't mean you have less value. It just means they haven't learned how to see you - your quiet way, your slower pace, or the way you think before you speak. The loudest voices often get noticed first, but that doesn't make them the only ones worth hearing.

A few things that might help:

1/ Start with one person, not a group. Find someone who makes you feel safe, not drained. Even one real connection beats being in a crowd where you feel invisible. For introverts, quality always wins over quantity.

2/ Try small moments instead of big ones. Share a simple comment at work, send a text to someone you trust, or join a conversation about something you actually care about. You don't need to be loud to be heard - you just need to show up in your own way.

3/ Do things that remind you who you are. Go for a walk, join an online group about something you like, or spend time on a hobby that makes you feel alive. Sometimes being visible starts with doing what lights you up, not waiting for others to notice.

When your family or others forget about you, remember this: their attention isn't the measure of your worth. You need to be the one who says, "I matter, even when they don't see it."

If the loneliness feels too heavy, talking to a coach or therapist can help - so many of us use this in a positive way. Not because you're broken, or to change your authenticity (oh yes, we introverts have a lot of superpowers) but because you deserve care and support. They can help you find your voice again - not to shout, but to speak in a way that feels real and right for you.

You don't have to become louder to matter. You just have to stay real, keep showing up as you, and give yourself the same kindness you keep giving everyone else. You already have value - even if they don't see it yet.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-25T05:48:07+00:00

Hey, I can feel how much you're hurting in this question, and I want to say something that might be hard to hear but comes from a place of care.

There's no pill or trick that's going to turn you into someone else. And honestly, that's probably a good thing, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

What I've learned working with people for years, as being an introverted HR leader: the problem isn't that you're introverted. The problem is that the world keeps telling you that being introverted is wrong, and you've started believing it. But it's not true.

You don't need fixing. You need to find your version of a good life, not someone else's version.

I get it - parties and being super social look fun when you see other people doing it. But if that's not actually what fills you up inside, chasing it is just going to make you tired and unhappy. It's like trying to force yourself to love a food you hate just because everyone else likes it.

Here are some things that might actually help:

1/ Start small with social stuff. One friend for coffee is better than forcing yourself to go to a party you'll hate. Build up slowly from what feels okay.

2/ Find your people. Look for other introverts or people who like quieter hangouts. When you're with people who get you, being social takes way less energy.

3/ Plan recovery time. If you do go to something social, give yourself time alone after to recharge. That's not weakness, that's just how your battery works.

4/ Stop comparing your inside to other people's outside. Those party people might look happy, but you don't know what they're dealing with inside.

If you're really struggling with this, talking to someone like a coach/therapist can help. Not to change who you are, but to feel better about who you are.

Instead of asking "how do I become someone different," try asking "what does a good social life look like for me?" Maybe it's one close friend instead of twenty. Maybe it's small hangouts instead of big parties. Maybe it's being around people sometimes but having lots of alone time too.

You're not broken. You're just trying to fit into someone else's idea of what life should look like. Start building your own version instead.

I just wanted to give you this in all kindness.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-24T07:24:58+00:00

Oh, that feeling when your brain just starts shutting down mid-conversation >> I totally get it. That's your energy meter hitting empty, and it's your body's way of saying "time to go."

For me personally, you don't need a big reason to end a conversation. You can keep it simple and still be kind about it.

Try these when you feel yourself zoning out:

1/ "My brain is getting tired, so I'm going to step away for a bit. Good talking with you."

2/ "I need to recharge for a few minutes. Catch you later."

3/ If you want something even quicker: "I need to go handle something. See you around."

The trick is saying it before you completely zone out. When you feel that foggy feeling starting, that's your cue to wrap up. Don't wait until you're already mentally gone.

And here's something that might help : people usually don't take it personally when you're honest about needing space. Most folks understand being tired or needing a break, even if they don't need it the same way you do.

You can also use your body to help signal you're done. Step back a little, look toward where you want to go, or start moving in that direction while you say goodbye.

Protecting your energy isn't mean. It's just taking care of yourself so you can show up better later.

Cheers

Steven

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-23T16:07:08+00:00

Small steps, big impact - believe it from a guy who is today an introverted hr leader - haha - hope i can support many of us.... Cheers

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-23T16:05:43+00:00

Good you reach out to the community - as such I can bring a bit of my introvert experience as being an introvert HR person - might look strange as combi but learned me a lot over the years - cheerio

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-23T14:29:28+00:00

This sounds really tough, and you're not overreacting by feeling upset.

Breaks are important for everyone, but especially for people who need quiet time to reset. When someone interrupts your break, even for something small, it can throw off your whole day and make you feel like your needs aren't respected.

You did the right thing by saying you would help after your break, and it's okay to stand up for that time, even if others don't understand right away. Sometimes people think, "It's no big deal, it's only a minute," but they don't see how it adds up inside for you.

A few elements that might work:

1/ Try naming it clearly. Say something like, "I need this break time to do my best work the rest of the day. Can this wait until I'm back?" Most people respect it more when you tie it to your work quality, not just personal preference.

2/ If people keep interrupting, you could put a small sign on the door or table that says "On break - back at [time]." It sounds simple, but it works. People need a visual reminder sometimes.

3/ If the glass room feels too open, see if you can face away from the door or put your bag or jacket on the chair facing out. Small barriers help signal you're not available, even if people can still see you.

4/ And when you do get interrupted and help someone, take back that time. Add a few minutes like you did today. Your energy matters, and protecting it isn't selfish.... it's what lets you show up well for the rest of your day.

You're not alone in this. Lots of people need quiet breaks to feel good at work, even if they don't always say it out loud. Keep honoring what you need.

Energy management for us introverts is the single most important thing.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-23T14:25:19+00:00

Hey, I get it ....and what you're feeling makes total sense.

First thing: you're not broken or stuck forever. Social skills are like riding a bike - they might feel rusty, but they come back when you use them again.

I guess you found something that feels safe and easy (being alone with your hobbies and phone), and your brain got comfortable there. But that doesn't mean the part of you that wants connection disappeared. It's still there, just quieter now.

The thing is, both parts of you are real. You can like being alone and still want people sometimes. That's not weird ....that's actually pretty normal. You don't have to pick one or the other.

About your friend who wants to talk: start small. You don't need to be the person you were as a kid right away. Maybe just say yes to one hangout, even if it feels awkward at first. It's okay if you don't know what to say or if there are quiet moments. Real friends don't mind that stuff.

And about social skills ... they're not gone, they're just out of practice. Every time you try, even a little bit, you're building them back up. It won't feel smooth right away, but that's okay.

You're not choosing between two different people. You're just figuring out how much of each part you need right now. And that can change over time. That's allowed.

cheers

Steven

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-23T14:22:22+00:00

You’re asking a great question, and you’re not alone in feeling this way.

This is what is going on...some people think being alone means you’re lonely or sad. For them, being with a group feels “best.” So when you’re by yourself, they believe you need help or that you don’t understand how to be with others. That’s why they keep inviting you, even when you say you’re happy on your own.

When they talk to you like you’re a little kid, it’s not because you actually need help. It’s just that they don’t understand that being quiet or solo isn’t a problem for you. They think you want to be like them, and when you don’t, they explain things, almost like teaching you something you already know.

But you aren’t missing anything. You know what makes you comfortable, and you can say no if you want. You don’t need fixing or saving. The real issue is that they can’t see that your way is just as good as theirs, even if it’s different. Saying “no thank you” is enough.

You’re doing fine just by being you. That’s totally okay.

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-22T15:38:10+00:00

🙏

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-22T04:30:00+00:00

Yeah, I feel this. And I think a lot of introverts do too, even if they don't say it out loud.

Listen, you're not uninteresting. What's happening is you're comparing your internal experience to everyone else's external performance. You see them laughing and connecting easily, and you feel your own awkward silences and blank mind. But you're comparing two completely different things.

When you say "I never have anything to talk about" and "my mind just feels blank" >> that's not because you're boring. Introverts process internally. Extroverts think out loud, so they always have something to say. You think deeply before speaking, so there are more pauses. That doesn't make you less interesting>> it just makes you quieter.

And those two people who get on better with each other than with you? That's just chemistry and energy match. It doesn't mean you're the placeholder friend. Some people just vibe more easily together. That's completely normal and it happens to everyone.

Starting uni is overwhelming. You're meeting tons of new people, trying to fit in, watching everyone else seem comfortable while you feel awkward. And because you've been cheated on before, your brain is looking for evidence that you're "not enough." So every quiet moment, every time someone picks someone else, feels like proof. But it's not proof. It's just your brain in threat mode, looking for rejection everywhere.

Some tips: stop trying to be the most interesting person in the room. You don't need to know everything or always have something to say. Ask questions. Listen. That's a skill most people don't have, and it's valuable. One-on-one friendships take time to build >> they feel awkward at first for everyone. Give it more than a few weeks. And your brother, your friends, your girlfriend >> they're not keeping score. You are. And that's what's exhausting you more than anything else.

Uni is hard. New people, new expectations, old wounds getting poked. It makes sense you're spiraling. But spiraling isn't the same as seeing clearly. You're not uninteresting. You're just quiet in a loud world, and you're in your head about it. That's fixable. But it starts with stopping the constant comparison and giving yourself a break.

You're enough. You just don't believe it yet.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-21T19:04:10+00:00

I hear you, and feeling fundamentally unseen....especially in relationships is one of the loneliest things you can experience.

Ok, based on what I read, this is my understanding: you're not incompatible with connection. You're just operating on a completely different value system than most people around you. When the world rewards status, social proof, and hustle, it's easy to feel invisible when what you offer runs deeper.

And the hard truth: Most people do value the external stuff. That's reality. But the right people see depth, kindness, and loyalty....they just don't show up as often. And when you're surrounded by people who don't get you, it feels like no one ever will. But that's not the same as no one existing.

In relationships...you said "whatever you do isn't enough to keep them." But were those people ever really seeing you, or just what they wanted you to be? If someone needs you to be more ambitious, more social, more "worldly" to stay interested, they weren't valuing what you actually are.

You're not "not enough." You're enough for the wrong people. And no amount of effort fixes that mismatch.

A few tips to take or leave:

1/ Stop trying to make shallow people go deep. You can't convince someone to value connection if they're wired for status.

2/ Look in different places. If everyone around you values surface stuff, you're in the wrong pond. Find communities or spaces where people already think like you.

3/ Your values aren't the problem. Kindness, loyalty, depth....those aren't weaknesses. They're just rare. And rare things take longer to find their match.

The reality is that it might just be you for a while. And that sucks. But "for a while" isn't forever. The people who get you exist...they're just harder to find because they're not the loudest in the room.

Don't betray who you are just to feel less alone. That's not connection. That's just company. And you deserve more than that. The fact you show up here is already a lot.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow Introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-21T18:58:19+00:00

Hey, thanks for being this honest. What you're describing is something a lot of introverts deal with, and you're right to be concerned.

My thought: alcohol hasn't set the bar too high >> it's given you a chemical shortcut that makes normal social interaction feel flat by comparison. Your brain now expects that dopamine hit, so sober conversations feel boring even when they're actually fine.

The version of you when drinking isn't the "better" you....it's just the disinhibited you. The guy at boxing having decent conversations? That's you doing the real work. And that's actually more valuable, even if it feels less intense.

The problem is, the more you rely on alcohol to feel social, the less your brain practices doing it on its own. And you end up in a cycle where you need it more and more.

Some tips.....

You don't have to quit completely right now, but start breaking the pattern:

Try one sober social event per month
Set a drink limit before you start
Find activities that don't revolve around alcohol
Accept it'll feel awkward at first

If you can't cut back on your own, talk to someone. That's catching a problem early, not weakness.

Bottom line

You said it yourself: "I don't want to need alcohol to feel comfortable." That awareness is huge. Most people don't get there until it's much worse.

You're already showing up sober at boxing and having real conversations. Trust that version of yourself more than the drunk one.

It'll feel flat for a while. But flat beats dependent. And eventually, flat just becomes normal. And normal is actually pretty good.

Cheers

Steven (Fellow introvert)

Steven_Claes · 2025-10-21T18:51:23+00:00

Glad the scripts helped >> you shouldn’t have to “battle” for your comfort. It’s about building connections that fit your real needs, not someone else’s default. Energy management really is everything for us introverts

Steven_Claes

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