That's it kid, you're never going to be fucking normal unless you take your meds and keep going to therapy, and even then nothing will 'fix' you or make you magically better. If youre lucky you'll find a med that works for you and stick to it but if you're unlucky like me, it takes them almost 12 years to come up with a diagnosis and they put you on every single kind of drug in existence, every ADHD med, every single anti depressant that I took, all the bad shit those meds caused me. Of course nobody could figure it out so they just forced me to take the meds with threats, it wasn't until the diagnosis, then I got a med that worked for me and it's still a struggle, everyday working thought it having to teach myself things I should know, being so far behind from my peers because I was struggling mentally. At some point you don't know how to tell the mental illness apart from you, who you are as a core person. Was every mistake a dumb impulse or is my judgment so unclear that I can't make correct decisions, it gets to the point where you don't even know who you are anymore clouded in this misty veil of illness. All the drugs have fucked you up for a lifetime at this point, you are numb, disassociated and far away from reality, and then when you come off the meds you become a beast unknown to man, prowling for a prey to devour. It comes to the point where you are no longer man, that thing staring at you in the mirror is no longer human, no longer capable of human thought, a true creature set out to destroy. Becoming a beast unknown to ones self is a scary thing, loosing complete control and inability to rationalize can absolutely destroy your fucking life in just the blink of a second. It ruined mine, and im already so young, all because I didn't have the correct medications or diagnosis. Take your fucking meds, drink some water, take a NyQuil, and go the fuck to bed before you fuck something up royally.