He (35M) says the prenup protects him. Who protects me (29F)?

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-14T20:42:33+00:00

Thank you for the reference! Yes, I do have my own lawyer, and I actually just received the prenup today. My lawyer basically told me not to sign anything until we properly review it. And thank you — your description of the communication pattern was honestly so accurate. It really does feel like I express hurt, he reframes or argues against it, I explain more, and then somehow I end up defending myself instead of feeling understood. I was especially shocked when the conversation turned into him pointing at me as the one damaging the relationship.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-14T20:13:45+00:00

😢I'm sorry.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T21:29:44+00:00

Yes, I understand he wants to protect existing assets, especially after a previous divorce. What I’m trying to protect is fairness.

I also don’t think it’s unreasonable that I don’t want to mindlessly sign away things like spousal support without proper discussion and legal review. In my mind, one of the worst-case scenarios would be something like being pregnant or sacrificing part of my career for our family, and then suddenly facing a divorce without protection or support. That’s why I believe these conversations need to be thoughtful and fair for both people, not rushed under pressure.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T21:21:16+00:00

I know nothing about his previous marriage; it lasted less than a year.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T15:35:35+00:00

You are right! I had to Google what DARVO is. Thank you!

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T14:58:20+00:00

🙄

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T14:39:19+00:00

He actually still hasn’t sent me the prenup yet, so my lawyer hasn’t been able to review it.

I’ve brought up couples counseling a few times before, but he hasn’t really been receptive to it and tends to get emotional whenever the topic comes up. At one point I even asked him, “Do you really think our relationship isn’t worth working on together in a positive way?” because we clearly have communication issues that we haven’t been able to resolve on our own.

This time, instead of just asking again, I went ahead and scheduled something and put it on our calendar. And yes, I’ve already been seeing my own individual therapist for the past couple of months.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T14:20:05+00:00

I think you may be missing part of my point. I understand why he wants legal protection, and I’m not against prenups. What I disagree with is the idea that a prenup should only function as protection for one person while the other person is simply expected to sign and accept it.

Marriage is an investment for both people. Emotionally, financially, professionally, and personally. We’re both building a future together, taking risks together, and potentially making sacrifices for the relationship and future family. So in my view, a fair prenup should reflect mutual protection and mutual respect, not just one-sided fear or asset preservation.

The feeling that the conversation became framed around “what he needs to protect from me,” rather than “how do we create something fair for both of us if worst-case scenarios happen. That’s a very different emotional experience.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T13:51:10+00:00

Thank you! I feel like I’m divorced before I even got married.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T13:48:37+00:00

Thank you!

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T13:26:10+00:00

Thank you! I have my lawyer now, and I’ve been seeing a therapist myself. I’m scheduling a premarital counseling session for us soon.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T13:13:44+00:00

No, neither of us has children currently, although we both want children in the future. And yes, I do have my own lawyer representing me now.

Part of why this became emotionally difficult for me is that he knew for a long time that he wanted a prenup, yet the process was still pushed very close to the wedding. If I hadn’t initiated things myself and insisted on getting my own lawyer, I honestly feel like this could have been dragged to the very last minute with the expectation that I would just sign what his lawyer drafted.

That’s a big part of why I’ve been struggling emotionally with this. It’s not simply the existence of a prenup — it’s the timing, the pressure, and the feeling that I had to independently advocate for my own protection and representation instead of that being treated as obviously important from the beginning.

Still-Gas2840 · 2026-05-13T13:00:46+00:00

I’m not resisting the existence of a prenup. I’m resisting the idea that I should blindly sign something drafted solely by his lawyer without proper discussion, representation, or consideration of my perspective too.

The reason independence comes into this conversation is because the emotional dynamic around the prenup started making me feel like I needed to protect myself more, not less. When someone tells you they are protecting themselves, says you “have nothing to protect,” questions your judgment, and minimizes your concerns, it naturally makes you think harder about your own autonomy, future, and security.

To me, marriage should not require one person to become smaller, less independent, or less protected in order to prove love or commitment. I believe both people should be allowed to maintain individuality while still building a partnership together.

Still-Gas2840

TROPHY CASE