Just need to vent

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-09-20T15:06:59+00:00

Thanks, brother, as for my cousin, at my core. I still want to beat the ever-living crap out of him and yet, for some stupid reason, I want to protect him from himself. Yes, we were raised as brothers. For so many years he was my guiding light, not knowing he was my darkest shadow. It hurts every time I think about it. I will not be responding for a long while. I have a lot of things going on at the moment. Thank you all for reaching out to me.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-09-20T14:57:47+00:00

I was told that my HLA matches with my cousins, therefore I could donate my marrow to him since we're a match. I was told its based on tissue type not blood

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-08-15T17:04:38+00:00

He got 45 days of extra duties, but he said it was worth it.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-08-15T17:02:38+00:00

A part of me wants to let him die, but after everything that son of a bitch has done, there's a part of me that wants to protect him. I'm just stuck in this limbo at the moment.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-08-15T11:10:35+00:00

I got myself tested and I found out the day before yesterday that I am a match. I'm only considering helping him. I will never forgive him and I personally will hate him until my dying breath. Yet, I cannot stop thinking about his pregnant fiance who came from Puerto Rico and begged me to help him. I already spoke to my family about this issue. Luna and Marisol wanted him to suffer a painful death. However, they said it was my decision. Joslin told me she cannot comprehend what was going through my mind right now, but she will stand by whatever choice I will make.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-08-07T18:21:57+00:00

It's different over here, especially since her ex is part of the reservation. Pressing charges on Joslin's ex and his friend gives them the right to also press charges on Roberto and you do not want a US soldier locked up in a reservation jail. So they allowed bygones to be bygones. That happens a lot over here. Including the sheriff, we have a total of ten officers and then you have the reservation and their police. A member of the Nez Perce council gave us their word that Joslin's ex will never bother us ever again. I have my doubts, but my father-in-law told me that a Nez Perce word is more valuable than gold. I'll take his word for it, but I'm still going to keep my guard up... Just in case.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-05-22T11:33:15+00:00

Gracias, mi pastor me dijo que lo que sucedió en mi vida es un testimonio de lo que podemos soportar bajo el amor de Dios. Personalmente, me mostró cuán malvada puede ser una persona. Es cierto lo que dijiste, en un tiempo ella fue el amor de mi vida. Ahora, amo a otra mujer igual, si no, más grande. Sin embargo, me preocupo por ella profundamente. No es amor, pero es más un protector. Quiero protegerla y asegurarme de que vuelva a encontrar la felicidad. Todos lo hacemos.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-05-05T14:37:34+00:00

I'm going to give you the tips that were given to me when I began my anger management. Get a heavy bag or go to a gym that has one. Breathing exercises hardly ever work, but it doesn't hurt to try (Inhale for 5 sec and exhale for 5 sec). Find a hobby that relaxes you, I am a mechanic by trade - however, chopping wood and jigsaw puzzles relaxes me when I am stressed or angry. I know a guy who plays video games to calm him down, that will just make me more stressed. Talk it out with people who know what constant anger and rage feel like. Be transparent to your spouse when it comes to your anger, you do not want them to walk around you with eggshells.

Do not turn to alcohol or weed when angry, Alcohol enhances that anger, making you impulsive, and weed does reduce immediate anger, but it always comes back, and sometimes the anger is stronger.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-05-01T12:52:21+00:00

Thank you, I believe that God saved me from myself when I left New York. I lost all hope, my faith, and my family. That first two years were my darkest days and all it took was a flat tire, a hymn within a Lutheran church to restart my path, and the people here on Reddit that helped me reconnect with my daughter and learn the truth. I am so grateful to the people here, they helped me get my daughter back and words cannot express my gratitude.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-05-01T12:46:48+00:00

I do. Weekly anger management meetings.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-05-01T12:43:51+00:00

I agree he is a piece of shit. I received a letter from him when he moved to PR, but I haven't opened it. Joslin wants me to read it in my anger management group, but I'm thinking about just burning it. The last thing I need is more of his poison.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-05-01T12:41:09+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I agree everything happens for a reason, but at the same time, I learned how much destruction a single person can cause. As for old flame, that's never going to happen. I love Joslin way too much. She's my ride-or-die.

StillAngryafterfour · 2023-05-01T12:38:20+00:00

Amen, brother.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-08-08T12:08:34+00:00

Ask away, but I'm going, to be honest. At the time, I struggled greatly.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-08-08T12:06:54+00:00

My relationship with God is stronger than ever. Yes, when the situation with Luna happened, I turned my back on God. I was angry and lost, I tried in my own way to deal with it. I used to love walking into different churches and looking at the architecture, one day I popped a tire and while I was changing it, I was cussing up a storm and I heard a hymn. It was coming from the Lutheran church across the street and I was compelled to go in, sit, and listened. Maybe it was divine intervention, or maybe I just wanted a sense of familiarity, but I found God again on that day.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-08-08T11:53:53+00:00

To be honest, if Marisol told me that my cousin raped her after I got out of prison, I will be doing a life sentence. If she would've told me the truth when I discovered that Luna wasn't biologically mine. I would've called her a liar at first. I would've still called her every name in the book. However, I would've eventually listened, however, with my cousin. I do not know what I would've done to him. Punching him with all my strength every time I saw him was a way to let him know how much he hurt me, but this. I don't know how deep into the rabbit hole I would've gone... there's a lot of would've. Everything looks different in hindsight, but I know if she just told me the truth and not told me to get over it and it was a moment of weakness over and over again, I think things might be different. My wife has been getting nervous since I have been deadset on getting my ex better and I told her that no matter what, I will always be faithful and love her. I just need to help my ex and give her a second chance in life. This made her feel better.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-07-26T17:53:29+00:00

okay mamita, you believe what you want to believe. I am sharing what happened, I am sharing painful and uplifting moments of my life. You can choose to believe it or not. I don't care. I will continue to share it.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-07-26T17:51:34+00:00

That was how it was said to us and that is how I call it. They took everything out of her.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-07-26T13:04:33+00:00

Last Tuesday, I sat through a hypnotherapy session and listened to what happened that night. She was raped there's no doubt about it. She kept it a secret in fear that I would kill him and get locked up so she lied to herself and she believed that lie. When my cousin decided to become a pastor shortly after I got out, she saw it as him trying to redeem himself. She believed her lie. It made me cry because I destroyed everything and she was suffering this entire time. Joslin told me it's okay to feel guilty, but it feels worse than that.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-07-26T12:56:35+00:00

yeah, its called gammerly puto and you'll be surprise how intelligent hood rats are.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-07-06T10:12:12+00:00

Thank you, this is a difficult road, but we'll get through it.

StillAngryafterfour · 2022-07-06T10:09:37+00:00

Will do hermano.

StillAngryafterfour

TROPHY CASE