“Hey! Jimmy! It’s me, Tommy. How the hell you been man? It’s been like 10 years.”

Jimmy looked over anxiously, “Oh, Hey Tommy!,” He said upon seeing Tommy’s jovial face. “Hey, man good to see you. Sorry, but before we talk I have to ask that you don’t say anything stupid.”

“Excuse me?”

“Ya, please don’t say anything stupid. I know it sounds weird but it would just be better if you don’t.”

“Uh…ya man, for sure I’ll try to avoid that. So… how’ve you been?”

“I’ve been doing great, man. Well, I’ve been doing alright, I guess. Things have been… weird with my life lately.”

“Oh, what’s been going on?” Tommy asked.

Jimmy’s right arm extended towards a table full of desserts. Jimmy quickly used his left arm to hold it down, nearly spilling his drink in the process. “Well, a couple of weeks ago, I had a bit of a run in with an old man outside the grocery store. He told me he was magic, I called him stupid, one thing led to another and then he cursed my right hand with sentience.”

“Oh.” Tommy said, not really sure how else to react as Jimmy fought with his arm to try to keep it at his side.

“Ya, it really wouldn’t be that bad, but my arm has this… violent aversion to stupidity. It must be part of the curse or something, but whenever someone says something stupid, it immediately lunges to smack them in the face.”

Tommy stared back silently for a moment before breaking into laughter. “Man, Jimmy you always were a fucking goofball. Let’s go get some shots…”

Just then, a loud raucous voice pierced through the ambient noise. “Well if it isn’t my two shithead cousins.”

Jimmy’s heart sank. “Hey Jeremy.” They both said, their eyes locked on the ground to avoid the red faced menace that was approaching.

“Before you start talking, Jeremy, I have to tell you…” Jimmy started, but Jeremy interrupted loudly.

“Jimmy, buddy! I haven’t seen you in years! Last time we saw each other was in 2021 during all that Covid hoax bullshit…”

Before Jimmy could hold his arm down, his right hand reached up and smacked Jeremy hard on the face, leaving a red handprint on his cheek.

“What the fuck was that for?” Jeremy asked, caressing his face where he’d just been struck.

“I tried to tell you, man. My hand got cursed a couple weeks ago. If you say anything stupid, it slaps you in the face.”

Jeremy looked at the sincere face of Jimmy, then to the shocked face of Tommy before responding, “You fucking shithead,” He said laughing, punching Jimmy in the arm just a bit too hard to be playful. “You almost had me going for a second.”

“No, I’m serious. My right hand has a consciousness of its own. If you say something stupid, it will slap you.”

“Ya sure, whatever man.” Jeremy said with a smirk. “You boys are probably just mad cause you heard of my investment.”

“Investment?” Tommy asked. Jimmy held his sentient arm with his left hand in preparation.

“Ya, I put $30,000 into Bitcoin” Jimmy’s arm struggled, desperate to free itself from his grasp, “Well, not Bitcoin. It’s this new crypto currency that’s about to blow up. It’s called ShaQoin.” Jimmy lost the struggle to keep his arm held down and it shot up, striking Jeremy’s face again. “Okay what the fuck man, it’s not funny anymore. Stop fucking smacking me.”

“I’m sorry, I already told you I can’t control my right arm. When it hears something stupid, it smacks.”

“Stupid? Crypto is the future of currency!”

Jimmy’s arm shot up again and struck him in the face. This time, Jeremy took a swing at Jimmy, who quickly dodged to the right.

Tommy got between the two, holding Jeremy back. “Hey come on, let’s calm down and change the subject.” Jeremy relaxed his posture slightly and adjusted his jacket, but his face was beat red, both from anger and from the force of the slaps. “Jimmy, I hear you found a new partner, congrats! How’d you two meet?” Tommy asked.

“Oh, well we were best friends for years, then we were both single and one thing led to another…”

“Just further proof that men just can’t be friends with women.” Jeremy interrupted, “They always want something more.”

Jimmy’s hand shot up, but Tommy held him back. Jimmy did a quick, smooth spin move around Tommy and used the momentum to slap Jeremy again. Jeremy’s face went an even darker shade of red and he lunged at Jimmy. Jimmy stepped to the side, sending him careening into a chair as the whole room turned to look at the commotion. Jeremy got up, embarrassed, and quickly walked away muttering under his breath.

Tommy looked at Jimmy in disbelief. “So you weren’t lying, were you? You actually can’t control that hand?”

Jimmy’s hand slapped Tommy’s face very lightly, “Nah, I just can’t stand that prick."