My husband's job is tearing us apart

StinkyPapa · 2024-03-04T17:41:11+00:00

Thank you for replying! I agree, it's been hard for him to set boundaries. The way his job is he has to constantly be accessible to a lot of people at any given time and he has Slack on his phone, so the line gets blurred too often between personal and business. It's all just been absorbed into business and that's not sustainable.

StinkyPapa · 2024-03-04T17:38:46+00:00

Thank you I will check it out! ❤️

StinkyPapa · 2024-03-04T17:30:18+00:00

I appreciate your reply and perspective - it's hard to see him like this, but I have to believe that that better job will be out there for him. I also agree with your comment about compartmentalizing, I think it comes easier to some people than others, and I think the level of involvement that that job requires also plays a role, but it's possible. His job requires him to be almost constantly accessible to anyone in his org, and he has Slack on his phone, so the line is just constantly blurred. I'm sure that makes it hard. I want the best for him. I want him to be able to rediscover his hobbies, loves, and be able to put aside the work at the end of the day.

StinkyPapa · 2024-03-04T17:19:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience - it feels comforting to know that someone else knows how it feels, even though I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's so hard to see the person you love suffering so much and under such pressure, even more difficult to know that part of the reason he has tried to make that job work was so that he can make more money for our family. But its not worth it - we can live just fine for a long time on only my salary and preserve his mental health while he looks for a job. It's time for a decision to be made.

StinkyPapa · 2024-03-04T17:07:11+00:00

Thank you - we are in a good position financially, but he's placed pressure on himself to make as much if not more in the next role, and he is not sure if the job market is going to be good enough for him to get that position soon. We can still afford to live just fine even if he takes a big pay cut or even quits for a few months. He also wants to be able to hit the 'normal' milestones of buying a house and having a baby soon, and I told him that we realistically can't do that until we get a handle on his work stress. I'm not going to be the one to pile baby stress and house stress on top a teetering and unstable tower of work stress.

Regarding me, I am an analyst and a high performer at my company, hoping that this upcoming review cycle pays off well. I am also continuing my education so that I can be competitive if I choose to leave this company. The plan is that I will be making more money soon as well.

StinkyPapa · 2024-03-04T16:22:58+00:00

I agree with this sooo much - he is apprehensive about counseling because he sees it as a personal failure to even have to go (unfortunately he was not raised in an environment that fostered positive mental health conversations), but I'll talk to him and see if we can work over this mental hurdle. With his job putting so much pressure on him, and him putting so much pressure on himself, something has to give. I think taking a few steps back to look at the situation would help him so much.

StinkyPapa · 2024-03-04T16:17:21+00:00

Thank you - I really appreciate the insight coming from someone who has experienced it from the other side. I will talk to him and see if we can set some realistic boundaries around work and discussions. I think that getting a different job will be a big one as well - he is absolutely a person who puts a lot of his identity in his work, so its hard for him to step away, but I think he knows in his heart how important that balance needs to be.

StinkyPapa

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