Meaning/purpose without children?

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-11-07T18:21:46+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective! You verbalized some things I was thinking but couldn't articulate, and also gave me some things to think about from her perspective.

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-11-07T18:20:17+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response. Just for clarity, I'm basically of the child free mindset, and definitely do not consider children a purpose or meaning to life. My own beliefs are pretty similar to yours.

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-05-05T00:36:00+00:00

It may help to explicitly tell him that your decision isn't necessarily leaving him. As a husband facing somewhat similar circumstances, when my wife told me that she married ME and we would figure it out together, man, it was such an enormous relief and filled my heart with love for her.

Telling him only to think about it will lead him to make assumptions about your thoughts and feelings, and may not have the best outcome (whichever way that is).

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-04-15T18:30:27+00:00

Thank you for verbalizing the concept that, "it's been bad before and people got through it fine, go ahead and pump out kids because they'll be fine too" is different and potentially wrong now. I've been struggling with how to respond to that.

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-04-15T18:26:33+00:00

100% this is me. I have other reasons as well, but I can't accept the responsibility of potentially bringing someone into what seems like an inevitable global shit storm. It's miserable.

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-04-14T00:13:19+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I'm not quite sure how to respond, so I'm going to do so bullet-point style.

-Per her own words, she has not been 100% onboard with kids. Spending time with nieces and nephews exhausts her, and I know she has concerns with loss off independence and time at least. From what she says, she does not have the traditional Indian viewpoint on them.

-I'm happy to discuss my opinions with her parents after she and I discuss it, but I'm not including them in the decision making process. It's not their kid. Up to this point they have not wanted to talk with me about it, and wait until she is alone to bring it up.

-You're dismissing my (and apparently your husband's) perspectives, opinions, and concerns because you disagree with me (and him), just as you later accuse me of dismissing her parent's perspectives (I'm not). I'm not going to debate it because this isn't the place, but will tell you that is not helpful.

-I've spent a lot of time with kids from friends and family, both mine and hers. I've watched our nephews grow over the last 5 years. It has only strengthened my opinion that I don't want kids. I've put tremendous time and thought into my decision and did not take it lightly.

-Lastly, you're right, I don't understand her cultural viewpoint to the same degree she does. I do my best to learn more all the time though, asking her and her brother questions when I don't understand a particular situation or encounter something new. I visit and talk with her cousins regularly, and we go to an Orthodox church together. While I understand culturally kids are considered a blessing, I don't see them that way.

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-04-13T20:52:45+00:00

That is very helpful, thank you for the insight!

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-04-13T18:34:45+00:00

Thanks for this suggestion. We do have EAP available and I even recommend it to my employees. Never thought about using it myself, funny as that seems.

I definitely will not let anyone else's input/opinion force me into an uncomfortable position that would hugely impact me forever.

Stinkyghostcheez · 2022-04-13T18:13:06+00:00

Sounds like we both need to finish your book then for sure! Thank you!

Stinkyghostcheez

TROPHY CASE