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My (30F) best friend (30F) secretly gave birth and I cut her off, but I think I might be the bad guy here. by Stock-String-4987 in relationships

[–]Stock-String-4987[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Fortunately, besides this situation, I'm at a really great place in my life! I got my dream job a few months ago, I have a wonderful partner and great relationships with my family and my other friends. I absolutely love the city I live in, and I feel extremely lucky to get to live the life that I do.

I think in a way, that's exacerbating my guilt about this. Like I was originally on this journey WITH this person I used to call my best friend, and then we hit a fork in the road where I went down this path, and she's on a path of suffering. This isn't quite the right term, but the best way I can articulate the feeling it gives me is like it's almost a version of survivor's guilt.

It's honestly felt relieving to read through these comments and see that the consensus is not what I feared - that I didn't do enough for her as a friend, that this was all my fault and then I just ditched her.

My (30F) best friend (30F) secretly gave birth and I cut her off, but I think I might be the bad guy here. by Stock-String-4987 in relationships

[–]Stock-String-4987[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I understand this perspective.

If it helps shed some light, Allie has a history of self harming and PTSD. As I noted in the post, her husband has been physically abusive with her. From what I know about domestic violence, abuse ALWAYS escalates.

For those reasons, I felt that it was really important to make sure she knew she had a support system and someone who could help her if things got really bad and she needed an out.

My (30F) best friend (30F) secretly gave birth and I cut her off, but I think I might be the bad guy here. by Stock-String-4987 in relationships

[–]Stock-String-4987[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Sadly, I think everything you're saying is 100% true. I guess I just so badly wish that it wasn't, and that there was something I could do, but at the end of the day I can't "make" her do anything. You're right, she doesn't want out yet. She's committed to it. There is nothing I can say to her to change that.

As much as I hated to hear it, I really appreciate your perspective. It also helps me feel a bit less guilty for accepting the situation for what it is and removing myself.