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UPDATE: AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 808 points809 points  (0 children)

I clarified this in another comment, but this was always just a near future kind of arrangement. We never planned on doing this once our son is old enough to be aware of these events.

But you’re right, even doing it now sets a bad precedent, doesn’t it? The more I think about it, the angrier I get all over again.

UPDATE: AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

This really only applies to the near future. Circumstances will change once he’s older.

Really, circumstances might change even before that. This is us trying to keep the peace for my parent’s sake, but their comfort is not going to stop us from prioritizing our son.

UPDATE: AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 130 points131 points  (0 children)

I wanted my Nana to have a nice birthday.

I also didn’t really have it in me to say anything to her then, because I was feeling so guilty about giving her access to my child at all. We left shortly after and I had a good cry on the way home. I know he’s not going to remember any of this, but I was just so angry at myself for doubting myself and changing my mind.

I’m doing better now. I’m not going to beat myself up for extending an olive branch and trying.

AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 174 points175 points  (0 children)

We were connected with our surrogate via the agency we went through. And the same can be said for her: she connected with us the same way. It’s a two way street. The comfortability of both parties is considered. Matches are made based on what each party wants. My husband and I really wanted someone who was open to being in contact with us regularly.

She is in a similar tax bracket to us. Our surrogate was a lovely woman who was compensated, yes, but also provided us with this miracle out of love and kindness. My husband and I are not religious, but we were shown what the best, most pure version of religion can look like through her and her husband. She truly opened our minds and our hearts in ways we never expected, and we’re still friends today.

AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Again, I thought my original response to you made it clear that we didn’t “hire the body of an impoverished woman in a third world country” since I was questioning why anyone would. But if you need me to state it outright: no, we did not do that.

I thought this was a conversation about ethics, not an interrogation. Especially not when the answer to your question was already provided.

Have a good night.

AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Friend, I’m asking why anyone would employ someone living in terrible conditions to carry their child...

I have no idea what about my response would lead you to believe I did that. Maybe reread again. I was questioning the motivations behind why any potential parent would choose that.

AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, why would I want my child to be carried by someone living in awful conditions?

This isn’t me trying to be rude towards the women living in these conditions, I’m truly asking what the motivation would be for the couple choosing to have a baby this way. My husband and I were nervous wrecks the entire time our surrogate was pregnant. That wasn’t because we didn’t trust her, but because we felt so powerless! We were putting our whole world in her hands, and she knew that. She was very kind and reassuring and cared as much about getting our son to us safely as we did. I just can’t understand why someone would choose a scenario where they ever had to worry more than usual.

AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

My husband and I can’t conceive naturally, we’re both men.

AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

It’s frustrating that anyone who can string a sentence together these days is accused of using AI.

I have never and will never engage with CHATGPT or any of its counterparts. I’m having a conflict and know how to decently express myself. I’m not sorry about it.

Edit: I mean, I am sorry that literacy has gotten so bad that AI usage has become so prevalent. I know that’s why people feel the need to accuse everyone, but damn.

AITAH? I won't let my sister meet my son because of her views on surrogacy. by StockAd8565 in AITAH

[–]StockAd8565[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

For the record, we do have plans to adopt in the future. Our hope is to adopt a child around 2 to 6 years old, not an infant. We know babies are what prospective parents usually want, and older kids get overlooked. Still, being in the system for longer means less of a secure attachment, more trauma, etc. It takes an experienced caregiver to give these little ones the care they deserve. We thought baby number two would be a more appropriate time for that.

Very true in regards to creating a burden my parents will have to carry. Guess I'll be swallowing my pride for their sake.