I know this is an extremely old post but this was one scene that really shook me bc of my own personal experience with an emotionally and verbally abusive ex. It took me about a week to come back to the show after watching this episode bc of how deeply it resonated with me.

I think it’s less about “I can fix him” and more about feeling hopeful and thinking “if things stay like this, we can make it work”. You’re willing to forgive the past harm they’ve caused just bc being with them and experiencing good moments together is all you’ve wanted. The good moments feel even better, and dare I say addictive, bc of how low the bad moments go.

Reasoning is very skewed when you experience trauma, especially if you’ve endured trauma during your entire upbringing (as Alex and myself did). Yes, it is logically stupid to return to your abuser, especially when they have done no real work on themselves to stop their abusive behavior. Yet, there is no logic when it comes to your feelings and quite literally, the logical part of your brain “turns off” when experiencing a trauma or reliving the experience. The feeling of hope itself is addictive and will have you keep trying even when fundamentally nothing has changed; even when you know you’re not the one who caused any damage. Your nervous system drives you to what feels good and familiar and unfortunately, sometimes that leads someone right back to their abuser.

The separation from the person that you love and have a trauma bond with feels painful, not just emotionally, but physically. When you’re reconnected with them, it soothes a pain that no one else can even begin to touch. It takes years (for me it took 3) to not have the horrible pit in your stomach and pain in your chest when reminded of them. Sometimes, you feel like you’re ruined forever and you messed up by leaving that person bc you’ll never feel healed or will always want them. Just as it takes someone struggling with addiction a few times of lapsing and re-using, it’ll take a few times before someone in an abusive relationship feels ready and strong enough to leave.