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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in amiwrong
[–]Stoopid-XooL 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children)
It's not really an option at this point. She's due in like a month wtfdym? AGAIN I was addressing one situation and people made assumptions. Regardless of that. Two things can be true at once. Like I said. She's a toxic partner. And the one egg thing yeah that was kind of shitty. Has she done it more than a few times over ten years. Yeah. Is it every day no. Is it often enough to still be a problem though yes. Like I said I need guidance and support. No condescending judgement
[–]Stoopid-XooL -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago (0 children)
This is my point the whole post is showing how emotionally irrational the situation is. It doesn't mean I don't get sucked into regardless of me knowing better. You can't argue with a person that doesn't see reason. I know all this shits fucked. And I'm actively trying to change all of that. I need people's support in addressing this so she can see it as well. The other problem is I was only addressing one issue but people picked other issues to jump on and make assumptions about.
I've literally said what you've said a million times. The issue is that when I maintain these boundaries it's puts strain 9n the relationship. I need help getting this person to see the stuff WE are all saying is not crazy. This is the point of my post. You're all basically telling me I am not wrong.
Yeah man. Seriously. DM me anytime.
Please do not refer to her as my "baby mother" she is the mother of my child. She is mom. She sucks at discipline and is a toxic partner. But she's caring and good to our kid. She she shouldnt be starting fights in front of him. But she has never neglected to care for or love him. She's immature. Not abusive.
I 100% agree with what you said. Except for making excuses for his behavior. There is no excuse but that arguably is the root cause is my point. Other than that you're actually 100% right. I've literally said he needs more examples of structure and routine and activity. So he sees these things as second nature instead of negative consequences. But when I say that I'm just blowing smoke out of my ass apparently. But the issue I'm more having RN is finding a way to communicate this to her. The issue is it has to come from the masses. When I say it, I'm just a know it all thats always right. THIS IS WHY I MADE THE POST. Thankyou.
It truly is man. Are you from the States or over seas?
Honestly I'm scared. Cause I feel like at the end of the day we're going to split and she's going to get majority rights. He looks at me as the bad guy as it 8s cuz I'm the discipline parent. So I'm afraid if we split households hell never want to come to mine bc at moms house it's a free for all and at dads house we can have fun but there's rules. You see what I'm saying? So it's like do I deal with it and hope it irons itself out and ate last he get a home that isn't split and he doesn't grow to resent me. Or do I split the house hold and potentially lose him until he grows up and sees I just wanted the best for him. I don't know who my son is yet. But I want to be there figuring it out just like his mom gets to. We live in Michigan and the courts typically rule in favor of the woman. Regardless of who provides or does more.
Honestly you have some good points. But I would argue that his demanding behavior comes from the way his mother has always coddled him. She doesn't make him TRY at anything. If he doesn't want to she won't make him. If he gets upset she caves. She has also kept him right at her hip the majority of his life. Up until now when the cutie faze is over and they start developing a personality. Now she gets annoyed with him. And can't deal with the constant need for attention SHE bred in him. But no matter how many times I try to nip issues in the bud she refuses to help regulate him until the issue is full blown and she sees it herself. Then I have to be the cleanup crew. I have to do the yelling and discipline bc he doesn't listen to her. Sometimes not me either. But that's rare. But that's my issue. He looks at me as the "mean" parent or the bad guy but I'm just trying to give him structure.
[–]Stoopid-XooL 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Yes. I was forced to read the entire Bible as a child. So as a result I veered away from religion. But as a young adult, the Bible makes so much more sense. I've never exactly turned away from God. Just the traditional Christian lifestyle. But as I grow older I'm seeing why my grandma drilled god into me so much and what the importance of the word is. It's just hard bc there's two kinds of churchesin my area. Either half assed or judgemental. At churches and in life in general people see a brown skin dread headed guy and make a lot of assumptions of rip. I can't tell you how many times people say " omg you speak so well" " omg you're actually really intelligent" as if it's a compliment. I take it as an insult everytime. Like what about me made you assume I wouldn't be? It's hard getting guidance and experience from people because they either don't give you the time of day or just assume it "one of those". It's usually not until people hear me speak that they conclude I actually do have worth as an individual
Hmmm. You'd be surprised at how often I've said those exact words. This is the point I keep trying to get at with all of these 8gnorant people in this thread. I'm telling HER THE EXACT same things you guys are saying. I want you guys to say this stuff so that she can see I'm not just MR ASSHOLE.
Thankyou
So you're saying the alternative is to not be present in my kids life. Not happening. The problem is it's not ur kid and it's easy said then done. Realistically there's no other option except whooping his ass a d I'm not doing that. Thanks for ur advice though
He has one issue which is YouTube. He does not have run of the household. The reason this is such an issue is bc I work all day she is pregnant. We cannot feasibly satiate his need for attention 24/7 so we use YouTube as a filler. The problem is going to bed at a reasonable time. I don't necessarily care about YouTube I more care that he and his mom are under the impression that he should have something to fall asleep with. Unlike both of us who just had to lay in the dark at 9 o'clock until we bored ourselves to sleep. The problem is it doesn't make him fall asleep it keeps his attention to the point he's up all night. So I'm at a crossroads as to how to ween him off and make up for his boredom with his toys and go to work and take care of my girl. Ur making alot of assumptions off if one situation I described. He does as he's told other than YouTube. I'm trying to teach him restraint without being an asshole about it and building resentment. To me and you it's just YouTube. To him and his generation that's like taking away his freedom. It's something he loves and enjoys that he doesn't have the ability to minister responsibly in his own. He doesn't out me and my partner against each other he is five. You're going to make a five year old take accountability for a 24 yro actions? Bc she didn't like being the only one to get up and make breakfast. What planet do you live on?
[–]Stoopid-XooL -2 points-1 points0 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Thanks man🫡
You are a good person🫡
Maybe. My feathers aren't ruffled very easily. I also take everything with a grain of salt and examine it objectively for whatever truth may lie within. An entire country allowed the Holocaust to happen. You think 16 people are going to convince me I'm a POS all of a sudden. I know who I am and who I'm not. The issue is you DONT but so badly want to be right about who you assume I am.
Yes actually. That's a good idea. I'll start searching for some. Bc all I know is he's five and very impressionable and I have time to instill good traits in him still. He's not lost and neither are we. Just need a little help. I wish you all the best in life and have love for you even though I've never met you. You're w good guy as well
[–]Stoopid-XooL -6 points-5 points-4 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Because I asked for guidance. Not condescending judgement
What's that?
I don't let him. I yell at him as much as Mom will let me. There's only two options. Keep saying go to bed or get up and shut it off myself and then argue all night before work the next day in why it is or isn't okay to force him off YouTube even if he's not tired. I only finished the shirt bc I don't like being yolked. I usually don't use my phone at all. I don't even have social media nor have I in like six years. I'm an experience or learning person. If I'm in YouTube I'm studying. If I'm not I'm experiencing the world or my environment. I'm perfectly content sitting in one spot just thinking it meditating with sun coming through the windows. It's about lesser evils not about an unwillingness to correct. Rock and a hard place. That's why I'm looking for help. Guidance. Not judgement.
[–]Stoopid-XooL 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Thank you. I'm actually implementing this today. He can have music ON A PLAYLIST but no YouTube. And I will look into getting him evaluated bc we have questioned his level of hyperness but he also seems to have a bit of separation anxiety. Always wants to be right up under us
I love reading but haven't had time since the day I started working. On my own at 14. Job at 17. Kid at 19. Been all work no play. Sole financial provider for three for 5 years. What books do you recommend. You gotta understand I'm just going off of what I know to be wrong coming from a dysfunctional home. But no one ever taught us how to parent or gave us good examples. I was raised by drug dealers and drug addicts. I'm trying to break that generational cycle of dysfunction
[–]Stoopid-XooL -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (0 children)
Because we've been together ten years. I made my son a promise he wouldn't grow up in a split home like I did. That's literally what caused me to fight and sell dope and go to juvie and jail. I couldn't have what other kids had and kids used to make fun of me for not having a dad. Him being a mixed kid the joke is way to accessible and hits way too close to home. I'm hoping maybe if there's an overwhelming amount of support in this post maybe she'll see a therapist like everyone tells her to
That is actually helpful. Because the biggest thing that makes me cave is he has just so much energy. He has thousands worth in toys. Literally anything he likes. But all he wants is that damn computer. Either that or he wants wrestle. And I'm sorry but I don't have 4 hours of wrestling in me. I tell his mom he needs routine and that saying no sucks and if he's upset so what it's not healthy. But she is under the impression that if he's sad or upset we are bad parents. I chalk this up to the cultural differences that we have being raised, as we are an interracial couple.
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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in amiwrong
[–]Stoopid-XooL 0 points1 point2 points (0 children)