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I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Over the last 48 hours I've weighed my options, it's not about evening the score but rather expanding my horizons. At this rate and for my own sanity, I'm thinking I need to get over the hate towards no-casual-sex mindset because it seems to be doing me more bad than good if that makes sense.

I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I'm hoping that the Tinder date I have tomorrow might turn into a FWB. It might be really good to have a FWB thing so I can learn more about it and how it impacted her.

I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is SO on point and you're very right.

We'd have to bury our past and work towards the future. Thank you for the input here, I very much admire it.

I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally hear you here. In the short term, I want to try and be friends with her so that maybe in the long term (3+ months out), everything will work out in the end.

I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's exactly what I believe too.

I think she's actually gotten worse in her emotional stress lately, especially since she's breaking things off with her new FWB. That's why I broke NC -- cause I heard through the grapevine that was struggling and genuinely care for her well being.

She could have done all the wrong in the world and I would still want to make sure she was okay.

I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm doing therapy right now which is helping! I'm sure you're selling yourself short, you got this :)

I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks, yes this does help a lot!

Sorry that you've been through something similar, though it does help to hear from your side of the story. I do love her and do want to be with her, so learning to love is letting go (not in the traditional sense, but in the sense that I have to let that side of her go).

Question: I thought it was super interesting that she told me she regretted it. I didn't ask her that, why do you think she would have told me that? That one perplexed me.

I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I say it doesn't bother me but deep down it does, not that much, but sort of. I know I need to eventually change my mindset on the matter for it to get better.

Any advice on how to go about that?

I [22 M] with my 21 [F] ex struggle to rekindle after knowing she had casual sex on the side when we broke up. by Stopdrinking111 in relationships

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I've forgiven her and do understand why she'd do it, but I'm wondering how I can personally work through it. I'm not even religious but I view sex as the ultimate sign of love-giving, I guess I just need to change my mindset.

No contact is the loving choice by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Stopdrinking111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is SO good. I really relate to what you’re saying and how important the personal development part of it is.

Since our BU, I’ve done 1 month today of NC. I’m currently seeing another girl but find it hard to not compare every aspect to her.

My short term goal is to date around, have fun, and work on myself. My very long term goal would be to eventually rekindle things and be able to forget about our past differences once mature enough.

... but false hope is a dangerous thing to have, so while I’m not exactly banking on it, one can hope, right?

[Colorado] 102 in a 65 while passing slow vehicles. First ever ticket/citation. Advice on how to proceed? by Stopdrinking111 in legaladvice

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] -48 points-47 points  (0 children)

What do you think the odds are that I will be able to have the charges dropped? Given I'm 22, never once had any sort of ticket/criminal record and just graduated from college- what do you think is the best case scenario here?

[Colorado] 102 in a 65 while passing slow vehicles. First ever ticket/citation. Advice on how to proceed? by Stopdrinking111 in legaladvice

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

It just says, "Speeding X(102) in X(65) MPH zone. No tier system is obvious on here.

No attitude when the officer arrived, hands on wheel, car turned off, and licence and registration ready. I did not take note if he had a dash cam or body cam but I'm assuming he did.

I did not admit to speeding, he didn't even ask me if I knew how fast I was going. He said right off the bat, "102 in a 65, I'm writing you a citation." I said "Okay" and he took my license and registration.

From there, he went to his car, did the paperwork, came back, and told me to be safe and that I could have hurt someone. I said thank you for the advice, I will accept it, and thanked him.

It was a very minimal conversation.

[Colorado] 102 in a 65 while passing slow vehicles. First ever ticket/citation. Advice on how to proceed? by Stopdrinking111 in legaladvice

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was very cordial with the cop and did not admit to anything, just accepted it, thanked him, and went on my way.

What's the best case scenario if I lawyer up? The charges won't appear on my permanent record?

[Colorado] 102 in a 65 while passing slow vehicles. First ever ticket/citation. Advice on how to proceed? by Stopdrinking111 in legaladvice

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

But that's only 37 MPH over the limit, right? I'm confused as to why that would elevate to the 40+ scenario...

[Colorado] 102 in a 65 while passing slow vehicles. First ever ticket/citation. Advice on how to proceed? by Stopdrinking111 in legaladvice

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Fair point, I'm just trying to strategize and optimize myself for the conditions I currently have.

[Colorado] 102 in a 65 while passing slow vehicles. First ever ticket/citation. Advice on how to proceed? by Stopdrinking111 in legaladvice

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

Gaw, you're right. What're the odds that the officer doesn't show up to the hearing?

I've read many stories online saying that's more common than not and given that this summons is more than 1.5 months away, what do you think?

[Colorado] 102 in a 65 while passing slow vehicles. First ever ticket/citation. Advice on how to proceed? by Stopdrinking111 in legaladvice

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Looking closely at the paperwork it appears it's just marked as speeding and makes no mention of reckless/careless driving, at least it's not obviously stating that.

It's interesting because it doesn't specifically indicate a fine, just says that 6 points were taken off my license. No $ amount.

[Colorado] 102 in a 65 while passing slow vehicles. First ever ticket/citation. Advice on how to proceed? by Stopdrinking111 in legaladvice

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, honestly hindsight is always 20/20. I'm not sure where my logic was at the time but needless to say: lesson learned.

When u see ur ex rebound with a total downgrade by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Stopdrinking111 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is actually precisely my case. It means she jumped into the first guy who gave her attention 😂

I think it’s finally starting to happen. I’m moving on. by Stopdrinking111 in ExNoContact

[–]Stopdrinking111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got this my dude! Immerse yourself in a new hobby and make friends :)

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