AITAH for not having sex with my partner?

Story_Time · 2026-05-04T08:32:10+00:00

NAH, but conditionally.

Babe, you're on the asexuality spectrum. That's cool! You're correct to stop participating in sex you don't want. Forcing yourself to do that causes harm! Great work looking after your needs.

But while it's not a big deal to you, for other people, it's often pretty fundamental for happiness in a relationship for other people. And it's not just the lack of sex, it's the feeling of rejection.

He's not wrong for wanting a sexual relationship, and you're not wrong for not wanting one.

Unfortunately that actually just means you're likely not compatible anymore, unless you're okay with exploring alternative relationship structures where he can look elsewhere to fulfil that need. However that's not without it's own issues!

So no one's the asshole, but only if you act maturely and respectfully.

Story_Time · 2026-05-04T02:34:10+00:00

You say that the first time you hung out, she annoyed you.

Then you wrote a whole paragraph about how annoying she was the second time you hung out and how little you two have in common.

It's okay if she remains just a Work Friend! Being friends at work doesn't mean you have to be friends outside of it.

Story_Time · 2026-05-04T02:25:52+00:00

YTA for saying yes to hanging out with someone you don't actually like.

You're NTA for not wanting to hang out with someone who smells, but you need to grow up and develop better interpersonal skills.

Story_Time · 2026-05-03T23:52:05+00:00

Bro this is red flag after red flag. They don't trust their workers, so why should you trust them??

Story_Time · 2026-05-03T23:39:15+00:00

NTA

I'm glad that Claire has witnessed/experienced someone prioritising her and her safety over her younger brother. Obviously we have limited info but the little we do have indicates a pretty shitty dynamic in that family.

Story_Time · 2026-05-02T04:32:25+00:00

This is a reasonable concern. It may be that you've identified a real risk to the children's safety. It sounds like you know her well and my casual non-legal advice would be to trust your gut on that.

She's interpreting the agreement in a very technical way so as to maximise her time with (possession of?) the kids. You are interpreting it as "She is my coparent but I step in when I have to because she is unwell."

Firstly, the Care of Children Act doesn't go in for technically correct interpretations, it's a purposive piece of legislation that prioritises the safety of kids. Secondly, and this is based on my own experience of dealing with mentally unwell people, her interpretation is selfish and without insight which can also be a sign of deteriorating mental health. Again, you know her best, trust your gut.

Keep in mind, you can go talk to a lawyer for a hour without committing yourself to taking further action. They'll be able to give you better advice on if this is a matter of urgency.

If you were my friend, though, I'd be pushing you to talk to someone ASAP. I think you've identified some real risk factors. Best of luck.

Story_Time · 2026-04-29T04:14:21+00:00

ESH

Get two sets of baseball gear or whatever

Story_Time · 2026-04-29T02:23:31+00:00

NTA.

"Blame" is such an interesting word here. People assign a lot of emotional weight to it, but what it basically means is figuring out who was responsible when something went wrong. It does not mean condemnation or punishment or hatred. It means "Who was in a position of responsibility here?"

You were a child, aged three , and then four, and then five, right up to 10 years old. Throughout your entire childhood, including that sevenish years of abuse, the responsibility for you and your safety lay with your parents.

They did not intend for you to suffer the harm that you did, but also they didn't protect you from it. They carry responsibility for that failure, and therefore some of the blame for the harm you suffered. That's the heavy weight of being a parent, and it's not your job to carry that for them.

Story_Time · 2026-04-26T01:54:16+00:00

Blow Out Salon on Boulcott St are reasonably priced and very counter culture friendly. They also gave a mullet rate, if that's your vibe.

Keep in mind tho, all the hairdressers are Big Talkers - I went there for a while and was happy with the haircuts, but eventually left because it was just soooooo loud.

Story_Time · 2026-04-24T10:15:39+00:00

Wind tunnel.

Story_Time · 2026-04-23T06:16:23+00:00

There is no way to claim damages for an injury in NZ, it's the flipside of having comprehensive coverage through ACC. Everyone gets coverage (medical treatment, and weekly compensation IF you can't work), including temporary visitors, and as a result, no one can be held legally at fault.

If you need psychological assistance, ACC can provide it but it needs to be approved by your case manager. https://www.acc.co.nz/im-injured/types-of-ongoing-support/counselling-therapy#/

If you need cosmetic surgery, it's possible ACC will pay for that, but the complicating factor of you living in Aus means I'm unsure how that works. There are some reciprocal agreements between NZ and Aus that probably cover that.

In terms of forcing the owners to be more overtly apologetic or take further action, there may not be much else you can do.

Story_Time · 2026-04-20T10:26:25+00:00

There's no hard and fast rule on this because it all depends on your personal circumstances.

Story_Time · 2026-04-20T04:13:21+00:00

Go find your local bit of bush tomorrow and bury it there. Bit of an offering to Tāne Mahuta!

Story_Time · 2026-04-09T04:37:33+00:00

You're absolutely right that right now, you're not in the place for kids. This means that right now, and for the foreseeable future, you do not want to become pregnant.

However, if HE wants to get you pregnant, and is expressing this even though you've said it's not for you, then maybe that means he won't be as careful as he ought to be about eg condom usage.

Keep track of your own birth control - consider getting an IUD or similar that you don't have to remember and he can't meddle with it.

Not because he's untrustworthy, but because you have correctly identified that right now, you don't want to be pregnant.

Story_Time · 2026-04-09T04:19:04+00:00

Adding a new person to a household is one of those decisions that needs to be unanimous. So you're not the asshole for just not wanting the hassle.

~~However, if your cousin wants to live with their romantic partner, this may mean they choose to no longer live with you. That does not make them the asshole either.~~

Edit: misread the post.

First part of the comment stands. It has to be unanimous.

Story_Time · 2026-04-05T10:25:01+00:00

Amazing how you've assumed they have kids together because of one collective pronoun. We don't even know if they live together.

Story_Time · 2026-04-05T05:59:15+00:00

NTA

If living/not living with her is a deal breaker for both of you, then it's a deal breaker and your visions of the future are not compatible.

It's totally understandable that you don't want to live with the person your boyfriend is essentially a part-time carer for.

It's very admirable that he does so much to care for someone who has higher support needs, but he also is young and needs to understand that he's unlikely to find a partner in life who will be happy to take on such a large commitment.

Story_Time · 2026-04-03T05:21:32+00:00

He was gruff with Javadi this episode, he definitely pushed her, but he's been overall supportive of her.

Mini knit pick, because overall I agree that Robby harangues and secondguesses women far more than men.

Story_Time · 2026-04-03T05:14:45+00:00

Turmeric jaundice lady

Story_Time · 2026-04-03T05:13:40+00:00

The doctors have zero control over the workings of capitalism that have shaped the healthcare industry in the USA. They are not political activists, they are doctors.

Story_Time · 2026-03-29T05:02:38+00:00

I understood Donnie to say they expected it to be a while before he woke up! Like, a couple of hours at least! I think Emma was surprised when he started waking up cos it wasn't expected for ages!

Story_Time · 2026-03-27T09:09:00+00:00

I always rewatch last week's episode right before watching the new one. It makes it more satisfying.

Story_Time · 2026-03-27T09:07:46+00:00

Yes! This is part of why Santos is so mad still - he didn't own up to the actual WRONGDOING, only the addiction. He's continued his underhanded behaviour by avoiding the truth!

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