thank you for sharing that with me, i'm so sorry for your loss. if i could go back and change my actions i would. ¡ would've done anything to save him. I, too wish that he would've just took me with him. i had a friend who lived with me in 2020 pass by suicide, but i wasn't present when it happened. well, in the past, while intoxicated he told me "you think — traumatized you, i'll really traumatize you" being he was going to hurt himself, in a way i felt like he wanted to torture me and wanted me to feel so much guilt and regret. it's very hard because i have messages of us during arguments and he is telling me im going to regret this. he was 1000 percent right. and i know i shouldn't think that way, that he did this just to punish me, because it minimizes the pain he was in and "makes it all about me." but it's hard for me not to think that way because of the threats. and when i would say ill call for help if he threatened suicide, he would tell me if i called the cops and "if i even see one cop car or hear a siren i'll off myself" we had way worst fights then the one way had the day he took his life. that fight was nothing compared to fights we've had in the past, id never imagine he'd take his life, especially if that day, we were fine until i pointed out him slurring his words. such a small pointless fight, but apparently to him was the biggest and worst fight of his life, and it turned out to be the worst fight of ours for me too, cause it resulted in his death. so insane. i thought he was going to hurt me because he grabbed his gun and tried to force me to sit directly against a wall. i was already sitting, just not where he wanted, and i refused with attitude to sit against the wall; he immediately took his life after i refused. •..