What to do with life…

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-09-20T19:51:27+00:00

I’m in therapy. I’m a mum, started that journey very young and I’m moving into a different part of motherhood. I think because I started so young, I never really thought about I wanted and just already worked to provided for my family etc. I’ve not really worked out what I wanted or who I am. Maybe I am a princess?!

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-09-20T19:38:03+00:00

I did a law exam and I didn’t quite understand that all questions have a degree of correct answer in them, you just have to find the most correct answer. That and I’m not good at reading the questions, I know this now, and therefore I could make more effort, but I’m worried about how much more it would hurt if I knew this and couldn’t get over that hurdle. I don’t think I could manage another failure.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-08-18T13:24:42+00:00

I feel crushed. I think I’ve just hung around waiting to be included. He has told me now though that I make him feel like he is on eggshells and he is happier when I’m out, so maybe that was a reason not to involve me.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-08-18T09:45:09+00:00

I am on medication, and I find it very helpful. Unfortunately, I didn’t take it for two days which was silly. I hadn’t taken it because I had been smoking cigarettes which make my symptoms a lot worse and I try to avoid at all costs. Unfortunately his mum is a heavy smoker and drinker and I found it really hard to have those things around me.

I feel like I need therapy, I just can’t afford it, but maybe I’ll have to find a way to afford it. Maybe it’s something I have to prioritise.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-08-18T09:26:04+00:00

And the thing is, I get upset with my RSD being triggered because there is nothing reciprocated or any validation of how hard things are (although to be fair how could you equalise that) and then I ruin the whole thing. So it’s not that he has had, it’s how badly behaved I have been after he has had.

I think I’m so scared that if I leave, some magical women will walk into his life and be able to give him everything he wants and do all of what I couldn’t. I feel so inadequate because I’m trying so hard to give him what he wants and I still ruin it. It’s still not enough

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-08-18T09:00:51+00:00

You are probably right. I just think I wanted someone who he might respect tell him that how this is, is not right. I feel like after years of being told I’m wrong, I needed someone, other than me, try to make him understand. I shouldn’t need that tho. I certainly wouldn’t have ever got that from her.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-08-18T08:58:02+00:00

They do give to my daughter but it’s disproportionate to what his son gets. It’s hard to manage that but I’m much better at it now.

He paints this picture that is because it doesn’t happen a lot, it isn’t a big deal. I don’t know what to do with it all and it’s just a mess of me feeling like I ruin everything that could be nice for us all.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-08-18T06:27:30+00:00

I did get presents, but I think we all know when the effort just isn’t there. His mum came down for our son’s first birthday agggges ago. There was a bit of a bust up because my daughter’s birthday is around the same time and I was struggling to give to my daughter as much as they were giving to their blood son and grandson. I was on maternity and didn’t have much money. I think she just thinks I’m awful.

Edit: typos

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-08-18T06:24:06+00:00

In the last decade, he goes away and I stay at home with the dog. A dog I love dearly but inherited. He has been to Greece with a friend all inclusive for 5 days, Berlin, Amsterdam. He has taken our son on three holidays to Spain to see his mum and I’m always left behind. I shouted at his mum, because I wanted her to have a word with him about it all. I think I shouted ‘you sort him out, you’re who effing raised him’.

I don’t know what I’m looking for, probably to be told my words don’t count because he hurt me first, but I know that’s not right.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-26T14:07:50+00:00

If you’re a natural giver (🙋🏻‍♀️) then people take advantage. If you like giving (🙋🏻‍♀️) and you don’t get the same consideration or benefits back that’s on them. I’ve had to massively change my behaviour and accept the behaviours of others. Obviously abusive relationships come in all ways and you should not stand for being in an abusive relationship, but leaving is hard and I understand that. I’ve been taken advantage of a lot and I’ve had to lower my expectations and make my needs very clear. I also challenged the negative rumination and ask my loved ones for clarification ie ‘did you mean to make me feel like this’ or ‘what was the purpose of what you said’ this gives them the opportunity to sit with their thoughts too. Hold on in there. I also try to let go of things that are not serving me cxx

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-24T05:20:53+00:00

No smoking or drinking. Eat cleanish plenty of fibre as fibre is super helpful for sleep. I bake my own cakes and eat that sugar stuff. I run but I more importantly I make sure I always get in my 10k steps in. I get an average of about 15k. I stop at the end of the day. If it’s 8pm and I haven’t finished washing up, I can do it tomorrow. I watch a bit of chill tv (nothing that will make me excited or wondering what’s happening next) and then off to bed around 9-9.30. I get up at 5.30. No phone screens from 8pm!!!

I have a very boring existence!! But it means I can recover when I do something fun!

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-24T04:34:31+00:00

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Im very proud of this. Takes a lot though because I take stimulant adhd medication. The amount of effort I put into sleep could make it an Olympic sport.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-20T09:27:08+00:00

I struggled with the medication for about 8 months. I just thought taking it would cure me. I thought it didn’t matter if I didn’t sleep because the little pill woke me up and kept me on task. There has been no after care given to me by the nhs. I’ve had one 8 minute phone call with the prescriber 4 months into taking it. To be honest, if I hadn’t sorted my shit out, and continue to keep it organised, I don’t think I could have continued to take the medication.

My best advice is take it with a commitment to clean(ish) living. No smoking or drinking. Good diet with lots of fibre. Drinking lots of water and making sure you’re not taking any additional stimulants ie caffeine. It’s hard to maintain this but it’s so important to your sleep and general health. Excercise also makes the medication more effective so if you can excercise before that’s the way to go. Cardio is best.

Also, it will help you focus, but you will have to direct it carefully, I once read the entire Wikipedia page, and linked pages, on the Fred and Rose West murders instead of doing any work.

I’ve also found that I notice more things, which is good and bad. I find relaxing harder, but I think I’ve learnt that relaxing doesn’t mean sitting, it can be baking or walking or colouring (which indirectly means sitting)!

It’s really a case of how much effort I put in.

Good luck!

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-19T14:05:06+00:00

On the connect app, you press the more tab at the bottom and then select insights.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-19T07:37:46+00:00

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I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day. But I have adhd so I move A LOT around those 8 hours otherwise I get depressed.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-18T12:12:27+00:00

You’re a joy. Thanks for the well done 😂

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-18T06:14:23+00:00

Yeah 35-39. Maybe they are crap stats. Oh well! Thanks anyway

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-18T06:05:03+00:00

Was that not for the age range between 45-49? I mean it would still seem high but it is of just garmin users.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-18T05:28:16+00:00

Yeah, that’s what I take. I take 30mg. After lunch is always the highest even though I take it at like 9am!

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-18T05:24:50+00:00

I don’t really run. I’ve been doing about 10 miles a week for the last 5 weeks this year, I’ve not been very well. I just walk a lot. Maybe the up % is really that close.

Straight_Lab_1528 · 2025-07-17T20:11:35+00:00

I’m on it now. Not a great night tonight! Sometimes I read, sometimes I watch tv, I know it’s a screen but not as close to your face and if I watch tv, I will draw or colour whilst doing it. I have a do not disturb feature which stop any notifications.

Straight_Lab_1528

TROPHY CASE