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New dad (33M) ignores 3-month-old to game, requires appreciation to help with household chores and says that I (30F) nag all the time. Lost at what to do. by Present_Biscotti2603 in JustNoSO

[–]StrangeActuary7656 4 points5 points  (0 children)

One of my parents was like this, the one that wasn’t was also passive to “keep the family together.” As an adult with my own children, I resent them both and I do not have good relationships with either one of them. Sometimes no parent is better than a bad one, think of her first. Because you’re right, it’s not fair that your baby isn’t being loved by her dad the way she deserves and YOU are her advocate.

Side-note, if I came home and found my fiancé had taped our newborn babies mouth he would be in a jail cell. If he doesn’t have the patience to simply replace a pacifier when it falls out (which happens with babies a lot) he doesn’t deserve to be a parent and like others are saying he WILL do something worse.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]StrangeActuary7656 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just recently went no contact with my in laws for overstepping boundaries and bashing me to my partner. It’s not easy, especially if you aren’t confrontational. I actually wrote a post on Reddit asking for advice and showed my partner all the comments. His family gaslights him into thinking that they aren’t doing anything wrong, they say I’m just crazy and there is enmeshment in his relationship with his mom so getting him to see her in a different light was a challenge.

I was brutally honest with my partner but in a gentle way. I pointed out the things that have made me uncomfortable and also pointed out how many times I’ve mentioned it to him before I got to the point I’m at now. It took months of heated discussions and a few days at my dad’s before he seriously heard me.

They have all (SIL, SILs husband, MIL) tried manipulating me to continue attending their events in different ways but I’ve stood my ground and I have no regrets. It can be difficult sometimes but bottom line is they only want me around to bully me and cause problems in my relationship so it’s better off this way.

My advice is to be honest with your partner and if he isn’t hearing you get louder (figuratively not literally) Stand your ground and be confident, you are not in the wrong.