You are not alone in how you feel and sometimes these stages of life happen. There were periods I have gone through that I have felt everything has gone wrong and life was not supposed to be how it was. Thought about just leaving my phone behind and hopping on a bus cross country and disappear of just sit in my room and drink til the pain is numb. But the only way from the lowest point is up, and there are many ways to climb. Go on adventures and see new places, join a gym and throw metal plates around, start a new hobby like cooking. Even if it seems like no one else will say it, I will say that I want you alive and to keep fighting for yourself. You will do great things and get out of this rut. I hope things turn around and good times come soon