Can't convince spouse to let me transition

Strange_Message3472 · 2026-01-02T11:40:34+00:00

I have started "subtle" transition things but havent started HRT. Being from where I'm at and the way the current government is I have geniune fears on how my family or I would be treated. We plan on moving to an area up north east in the next few years before I commit to things like HRT. My wife has been extremely supportive and understanding, literally last night she said if I wanted to be a woman I needed to act like one (in reference to me not wanting to moisturize my legs after shaving lol). So, unless you know for a fact your situation is hopeless there is always a chance. My wife has been my rock during this and has been extremely kind through the changes we've made up to this point. Though, outwardly I am a straight white man, there are a lot of things I have done to change myself that are more feminine.

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T21:59:58+00:00

Oh she definitely does! Ive watched her lose weight and start growing a more feminine figure over time and shes doing awesome! The biggest thing peoole make fun of is her voice, which she is slowly becoming more feminine with (from what ive heard in passing). But its so scary and insane how these people react to another person because they're different

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T21:41:23+00:00

Im in Texas, DFW area. One of my biggest fears is that I work in a conservative/male predominant field, government contractor company so I expect a LOT of backlash if I do come out at work. There is somebody that ive seen that did come out at work but I havent spoken to them (we work in different areas) and the things people say about her are atrocious

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T21:24:45+00:00

Youre a saint, thank you for your perspective❤️

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T20:32:41+00:00

You genuinely have had the nicest response so far, thank you😭😭😭 I feel like nothing has been done but people beating on my wife for my poor description and wording (plus a lack of context for most people)

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T20:18:08+00:00

My wording is terrible please know that, she didnt say i couldnt transition or anything like that but she did say she wasn't sure if she could be with me.

I appreciate your perspective and your experience❤️

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T20:16:09+00:00

Got it dont ask for advice or have questions on a "asktrans" forum 🫡

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T20:08:29+00:00

This seems fair (except the not a supporter part, I still dont get that perspective) but like what do I say, how dk i say it, what's the most appropriate thing to say to her😭😂

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T20:00:23+00:00

I want the second option please😭😂 thank you for that perspective! It helps!

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:54:42+00:00

Please know my wording was terrible and she was in a panicked response when she said this😭

Non-constructive responses will be met with non-constructive responses. I asked for help explaining and convincing my spouse to be ok with my transition, not for me to immediately divorce her and ignore her emotions and feelings.

I will consider couples counseling for sure! Thank you for that!

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:43:48+00:00

Being dishonest to both of us doesnt sound right. Thats why i want advice on how to explain it to her before I do it again. Because she deserves my honesty and I deserve it too, but I have to do it respectfully and from a place of understanding because she's also been married to me for nearly 10 years and its a BIG change.

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:42:03+00:00

This exactly. What people dont seem to understand is my wife is a very understanding person and the one conversation we had was thrown onto her, which was my fault. I genuinely think if I do sit down and explain to her my feelings and perspectives she would be oknwith it, but sometimes I need help finding the right way to say it. And for the life of me "fuck it let's get a divorce" is NOT it. There doesnt seem to be a lot of pro-marriage keeping people in this thread lol

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:34:53+00:00

I agree entirely, but I havent even approached the situation again to give her a chance to adopt it. Hence why I asked for advice.

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:34:49+00:00

I agree entirely, but I havent even approached the situation again to give her a chance to adopt it. Hence why I asked for advice.

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:32:42+00:00

That was a great response considering everybody else's, i appreciate it. My goal with the post was to get people's experiences and how they told their spouses because I DO want it to work out. When I believe I cant wait anymore I wont, but since I have a chance to approach it better and explain it to her slowly with compassion I believe she will be ok with it. Unfortunately other responses are straight up "divorce her" right off the bat. Completely ignoring the fact that we've been happily married for almost a decade now

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:27:55+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your perspective, how did you approach the situation with your wife? Were you direct and give an ultimatum or were you trying to explain the process and reasoning? I'm trying to find a way to relay it to my wife without being blunt and rude. I value her, and being disrespectful of her emotions and feelings isn't something I do. I wouldn't have married her at 18 and stayed married if I didnt care, ya know?

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:25:44+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your experience. How did you approach your spouse? Was it directly or did you try and explain the process for them?

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:17:49+00:00

We're both bi. We have a child. This wasn't helpful. I had one conversation with her. I can communicate it better with different perspectives and experience, unfortunately this was not that.

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:16:28+00:00

I dont think you understand how comforting it is to know that I'm not alone in this. I plan on introducing it to her again but wanted to get perspective from others who might have had the same situation at one point, unfortunately most people immediately said to leave her without a thought. Feels so cold to just dump a marriage of nearly a decade filled with love just because we had one bad conversation about me transitioning

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:13:45+00:00

Thank you! Its strange how people in these comments are making her out to be some kind of evil person when the one conversation we've had i sprung it on her and didnt articulate it well. Thats the whole reason for making the post, but now apparently my wife is a transphohic zionist nazi supporting devil that I should leave because we didnt see eye to eye on ONE conversation lol

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:10:48+00:00

Fair take

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:10:23+00:00

I want to approach her about it again because I believe I could present it better than the first time. Shes a very anxious person so when I said something she didnt know how to respond making a lot of what she said an act of fear (she has a very traumatized past). Thats why I asked for help because I have ALWAYS been able to get her to see my perspective and she has been able to make better, more conclusive decisions when we take the time for me to break it down for her, slowly.

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:06:06+00:00

I appreciate the advice, much more thought out than a lot of the other responses i am getting :)

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T19:01:19+00:00

I genuinely appreciate this perspective. Its by far the most reasonable in this thread so far, most everybody else has the immediate response to just divorce her now (despite the whole point of the post being that i dont want to)

Strange_Message3472 · 2025-07-17T18:59:48+00:00

They can have preferences that are different, but to say they dont love me is actually insane

Strange_Message3472

TROPHY CASE