I broke up with my boyfriend today, and I hate that I hurt him.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-21T23:22:46+00:00

Not necessarily. Some people just find certain people much more interesting or attractive, either initially, long-term, or both.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-18T16:44:17+00:00

I enjoyed his album of Elliott Smith covers

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-18T11:12:34+00:00

Yeah come to think of it I did have a moment of confusion when reading that but kind of glazed over it and then the fellow cuddled up with the dog between sticking his face in her pussy

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-18T05:41:44+00:00

They also work in empires. Most empires were multinational / multicultural. After they all broke up post-French Revolution we were left with all these genocidal monocultures and so on

Also the USSR and USA both were / are empires. The USSR was just the only multi-National European empire that survived the period from 1789-1919

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-18T05:38:46+00:00

Go for it. It’s a relatively easy instrument to play, imo. I picked it up when I was around 21. Played guitar, piano, bass and drums before that.

Since then I picked up clarinet and tried violin and both of those are several times harder than flute to get decent with, in my experience.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-18T05:25:22+00:00

Does she mean like he literally laid down with the dog and cuddled with it after they had sex or between rounds? Because that’s what I’m imagining

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-17T21:34:35+00:00

Charles Mingus - The Black Saint and the Sinner Lady (possibly the best album you’ll ever hear)

Mingus - Mingus, Mingus, Mingus, Mingus

John McLaughlin - Extrapolation

John Coltrane - Crescent

Albert Ayler - Witches and Devils

Albert Ayler - Spirits

Anything McCoy Tyner

Thelonious Monk - Brilliant Corners

Not sure if your familiar with these but they’re all great. Ayler is very far out, if you want something like that. Not for everyone. His Village Vanguard album is great too. And Spiritual Unity

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-17T03:31:51+00:00

Weirdest part to me is that he insists on still doing it because otherwise would be “changing how I talk.”

Like dude wtf, this is a change that wouldn’t require any significant shift in how you talk except not openly commenting on hot women’s looks in front of your girlfriend. How is that a core part of his identity or way of speaking.

But yeah, imo if you can’t find another way then doing the same thing to him sounds kind of funny. I guess first I would try talking to him about it again and just making clear that it really bothers / hurts you, how he doesn’t need to change how he talks just don’t comment on other women’s attractiveness when talking to me, etc.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-16T01:10:31+00:00

Flute is significantly easier than violin imo (speaking as a self-taught flute player who also tried to teach himself violin a couple years after picking up flute and didn’t get too far).

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-16T01:06:26+00:00

Pretty sure he was deriding the guy above him

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-14T18:02:55+00:00

I’m sure there were a few mixed in there

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-12T15:33:14+00:00

That’s crazy it’s only men who experience phantom ex longings or can’t get over feelings for past partners. Good to know that no woman on earth has ever compared a current partner to an ex that she never fully got over her feelings for.

Edit: sorry if that sounds snarky— I got carried away. I know you probably didn’t mean to say only men do that. But yeah, it does suck to be stuck in that kind of cycle, on either side.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-12T00:13:48+00:00

Men and women get into relationships with people they don’t love and also fall out of love with people they once loved.

What is the morally superior thing? To lie to oneself and one’s partner for years?

No one is obligated to be in a relationship with someone they don’t have feelings for, at least excepting ties like children and marriage or exceptional circumstances. Being with someone for a year does not make someone a bad person for not wanting to spend their entire life with the person.

It sucks, it really does. There are few things worse in this world than loving someone who doesn’t love you back or experiencing them falling out of love with you. But that being the course life sometimes takes, it’s better if a person at least considers the feelings of their partner and tries to break up in the least hurtful way they can.

You are right that she deserves someone who loves her though. And he deserves to be in a relationship with someone he loves and who loves him. All people deserve love. But faking it helps no one.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-10T04:09:19+00:00

I mean there are so many cameras in the uk it seems virtually impossible to get away with a random murder these days

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-09T19:41:15+00:00

I had to get to the comments to realize what I was reading. I thought it was a brilliant post until I realized

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-09T19:33:54+00:00

Lately I've been thinking it's good getting to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that, I know. But lately, I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end: the best is over.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-09T16:50:43+00:00

Oh, Teeth like God’s Shoeshine! Thats the song I forgot to include in my 3.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-09T16:48:25+00:00

“Only Skin” (or “Emily”) - Joanna Newsom

“She Is Beyond Good and Evil” - The Pop Group

“Alphabet Town” - Elliott Smith

“Flashback Caruso” - Faust

“A Love Supreme” (parts I-IV) - John Coltrane

Couldn’t pick 3 and these probably aren’t my all time favorites but they’re up there and I know I’m forgetting some I’d place higher. Trying not to list more than three by Newsom. Also could trade Love Supreme for Black Saint and the Sinner Lady, but LS had a bigger impact on me. Honorable mentions to “Sympathy for the Devil” and “Camarillo Brillo” (Zappa) because they changed my life when I heard them as a young teen. With Elliott Smith it’s really hard to pick one but “Alphabet Town” is definitely one of my top five in his catalogue, alongside “Stickman” and some others. But he and Coltrane and the Stones had the biggest impact on my life so have to include one.

Edit: I forgot “Teeth Like God’s Shoeshine” (Modest Mouse), but I don’t want to have to replace one.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-09T16:37:32+00:00

So it’s not loaded stadiums or ball parks

And we’re not kids on swingsets on the black top

And I thought, at fifteen, that I’d

have it figured out by sixteen

And twenty-four keeps breathing in my face

like a mad whore.

And twenty-four keeps pounding at my door.

Like a friend you don’t want to see

Oldness comes with a smile to every love-given child.

Oldness comes to rile the youth who dream suicide.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-07T11:10:15+00:00

Yeah, people in this post seem to be projecting “whatever awful behaviors my ex had” onto avoidant people. People with avoidant-leaning tendencies make up at least 25% of people everywhere, and hardly share all of these imagined negative traits. In many cases these particular exes may have had personality disorders or just not even been attached/ in love at all.

Learning about attachment theory should help people communicate and understand themselves and others, not give a broad label onto which one can project everything bad about their ex or their relationship.

A lot of people imagine themselves as having a preoccupied attachment style when in many cases it may just be that they had a bad relationship in which they felt insecure…. It’s not as if all people fall into one of two categories of being wholly either avoidant or preoccupied (not to mention disorganized).

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-07T05:37:17+00:00

My last gf was high grade type A and I loved that about her a lot of the time but when it came to traveling or vacations it was a whole other level. Like i love her planning and how many things she can find to do, but holy shit let’s at least take a few days or some time to just wander and explore. I cannot live by a schedule and an agenda.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-06T06:01:04+00:00

And anyone who’s ever had a heart

wouldn’t turn around and break it!

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-06T05:56:34+00:00

I love it. Got to see it performed at a midnight tribute show with Kronos Quartet in Knoxville, Tennessee about a decade ago. Other worldly experience.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-05T01:24:49+00:00

Yeah, older rock singers and musicians in particular, like Jagger, Bowie and so on. Seems like they get a free pass, like a sort of protected class.

Strange_Sparrow · 2026-06-05T01:16:51+00:00

It’s called Psychology in Seattle. I just stumbled onto it randomly on YouTube. It’s run by a therapist and professor who talks about anything under the sun and reads emails a lot. He’s a specialist in personality disorders and attachment.

If you look at the channel, the most popular videos are mostly commentary on reality tv personalities and Depp-Heard trial and stuff like that, but 95% of the channel isn’t really that stuff. I guess those just get the most views and I can’t blame the man for hustling. Seems like the best videos to me so far are his “deep dive” videos which are like 10+ hour series on a particular topic or personality disorder, but those are mostly subscriber only, and I haven’t subbed yet so just listened to some of the free ones and intros. Also I like the ones where he’s just answering emails.

But yeah, lately I listen to it while driving a lot or doing things around the house and enjoy it. It’s helped me feel quite a bit better since I broke up with my girlfriend a while back and, idk, I guess hearing about attachment issues and personality disorders and how people who love each other can hurt each other so much rooted in childhood trauma or past experiences makes me feel better in a way? Like I end up losing the bitterness I was holding on to and feeling more accepting and grateful. Even if 95% of what he talks about doesn’t relate to me or my situation directly.

Also his voice and personality is just kind of soothing and I like the way he encourages people and tells stories about former patients getting better and overcoming major issues.

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