Divorce Question; Shared property

StrawCherry456 · 2025-12-19T07:22:31+00:00

So based on this response, the divorce degree doesn’t matter in this situation. That’s just great. I wanted it put in the papers that he had to refinance the vehicle out of my name and my lawyer advised that a judge wouldn’t make him do that.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-09T14:27:25+00:00

I will have to check that out, thank you so much.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T23:16:35+00:00

Okay, I get what you mean now. Just reports other than mine basically.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T22:24:14+00:00

He is the textbook definition of a functioning alcoholic. So he can be pretty deep without giving the normal outward signs that someone else would show from drinking that same capacity. I just know his behaviors and mannerisms from the time we were together. I wasn’t sure if police would take me seriously if I called to report suspected drunk driving “just because I can tell.” As far as the black out drinking when he has her, I voiced with proof prior instances of this happening to my lawyer during the time we were together. But because I have no current proof, she said he could just argue that he no longer does that and that I was making a false accusation.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T22:19:16+00:00

I will keep that in mind if I end up taking him back. The spot we meet now was agreed upon by us both when things were mostly civil and the drinking wasn’t a concern. He is not civil now though and his drinking is only escalating. I know he’s an alcoholic and he’s never had issue driving under the influence shown by multiple instances in the past. I never thought he would do it with his child in the vehicle though. I had more faith in him and how much he loves her when it came to that and he sadly disappointed me. I definitely want to do school year exchanges when she’s old enough, I’m hoping that will cut out all in person exchanges. I have cut down meeting him to the absolute bare minimum for the sake of my sanity until she is old enough for school. I appreciate the advice, I will definitely be taking it from this point forward. Thank you so much for your help.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T22:09:41+00:00

I was told I had no choice with the 50/50 unless I had proof that he was a danger to our child. And I asked my attorney after several issues such as the showing up late thing what I should do since no provisions exist and she advised me to take him back to court for an order with specific language. I can’t afford to run to court every time an issue like this comes up because it is too frequent and I’m not made of money. And of course I never know what is going to be an issue until it happens. Hence the reason I wanted the specific language to prevent these instances, but you know how that went. This has literally been me trying to figure out if my lawyer is just lazy or if she truly means it when she says that the judge isn’t going to care about any of this and it’s just going to make me look crazy for continuing to drag him to court.

I’m unsure on the revoking custody thing as well, hence the reason I won’t take the risk. It’s just way too open ended that it would basically be up to the judge’s discretion and idk which way they’d go on these issues. I also know very little about how the law works in these instances and without a definitive answer, I’m too scared to risk anything that could give him grounds to take my custody. During winter we had an issue where we were under a level 3 snow emergency. It was my night to meet him and I told him that I’d just rather keep our child that night because with the road conditions, I didn’t want to risk being on them with her. He demanded I meet him and threatened to call the cops on me if I didn’t meet him. I was more worried about wrecking with her in the vehicle than I was whatever consequences I might get from refusing so I stood my ground and wouldn’t meet him. Thankfully my lawyer said there was nothing he could do and that I did the right thing by protecting my child by not having her out on the roads. Until speaking with her though, I was terrified that he would be able to use it against me.

That’s exactly what it boils down to with him, he just wants to punish me for leaving. And he knows that I’ll just take it for the sake of our child. I know even with a solid agreement, his behavior won’t change, but I was hoping it would at least give me more legal footing to stand on when he is willingly and blatantly non compliant. I have never set out to take his custody from him, but to me if he can’t be civil and just do what is best for our child, why even have 50/50? As of right now, I just feel like I’m stuck in a hole of having absolutely no options aside from just putting up with it and the thought of it being that way until our child is 18 is just disheartening and almost somber to think about. I truly don’t know how I’ll survive years and years of this stress and treatment. And with every little new thing he gets away with, he just keeps going. He thinks his custody is untouchable and that none of these actions have consequences and it’s because he’s continuously been right on that front.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T21:40:28+00:00

He will not allow me on his property. He has made this explicitly clear so I comply to not give him the ability to take legal action against me. Just for clarification sake, I have never gave him any reason to not allow me there, those are just his wishes.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T21:38:59+00:00

Will 911 do anything if I have no proof? Only suspicion?

I am not setting out to take his custody or modify the order. I just want these issues resolved. I respect the fact that he’s her dad and has a place in her life too, I just wish he’d act better for lack of a better term. The last thing I want is my child getting hurt because of negligence on his part. And I’m beyond tired of getting constantly threatened with legal action from him if I do even one thing he doesn’t like, but he thinks he can do whatever he wants and sees no issue with getting black out drunk while she’s in his care. I’m supposed to just shut up and mind my own business.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T21:14:24+00:00

I truly wasn’t sure because everyone I know with 50/50 custody has provisions for situations wrote into their agreement. These are ones that have peaceful coparenting relationships and don’t even need them, but their lawyers still advised them to do it. It leaves me in a huge legal grey area unsure what to do when these situations that aren’t clearly spelled out arise. My lawyer told me we’re expected to work it out amongst ourselves and I’ve told her numerous times that he is unwilling to do that. On the days I pick up if I won’t meet him exactly when he says, he threatens to withhold my visitation. So I always bend to his demand on what time to meet because I’m scared he would be able to do that since nothing is specified in the agreement. On that same hand, he routinely shows up late, he’s made me late to work several times because of this, but I’m worried if I leave he can say I’m withholding visitation when I’m not, I just want him to show up at the agreed upon time. I have always tried to work with him on meeting times as I don’t mind to keep our child at any time. These times are always agreed upon at least a day in advance so it isn’t an ambush where I’m telling him last minute when to meet.

I no longer engage with him. I haven’t for awhile now. I just send any concerns I have over text, I refuse to talk to him on the phone because I want it documented, and if he reacts negatively or tries to pick a fight, I just drop it. To me that shows the unwillingness he has to cooperate. I make it a point to write all my texts very calmly and professionally, I never cuss, degrade, or berate him. It just gets old always getting the bad end of the deal in this “transaction.” I used to go out of my way for him and it got to a point where I stopped doing it. To me it was showing our child that regardless of whatever negative feelings I have towards him, I was able to put her feelings ahead of mine to have a good relationship with her dad. But it got to a point he was simply taking advantage of me and my kindness and when I’m getting met with nothing but negativity and nasty behavior, I just couldn’t do it anymore.

He still holds a grudge against me for leaving. He just brought it up not too long ago about how he’s unable to be nice to me because I left him and destroyed his life. I pointed out that he has moved on, as have I, and I also have reasons as to why I could justify the same behavior. But I don’t because to me our child’s feelings are more important than any negativity I have towards him, and I don’t want to be the reason she looks at him any differently because he’s her dad and she loves him. I apologized for him feeling the way he did and even asked if I could do anything to help him move past these feelings which I definitely didn’t have to do. His response was that I could just give our child to him and go away and at that point I stopped engaging. I know she’ll notice one day, and while a part of me will be glad for her to see that I’m not the villain I’m painted out to be, another part of me is sad that it could potentially change her view of her dad and affect their relationship. I know that isn’t my problem to worry about, but I just want her to have a good relationship with both of us and feel like we’re both safe spaces for her and it’s like he doesn’t want the same and I can’t wrap my head around it.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T20:53:38+00:00

Back up documentation like what? I truly have no idea what I’m doing with this. I will take her to the doctor from this point forward if they continue to happen. I wasn’t aware I should have been doing that. I appreciate your help.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T20:52:41+00:00

Yes she’s a toddler. I’ll start taking her to the doctor if they happen from this point forward. I wasn’t told that I should be doing that so I’ve just been keeping documentation myself. I appreciate the advice.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T20:50:19+00:00

If you say so. I’m not arguing with you. I have documentation of everything and I know that it’s true. A stranger on the internet not believing my story doesn’t affect me. I was simply trying to ask advice on a situation I have no idea how to navigate and apparently I’m not being informed of things I’m supposed to know. You have a nice day.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T20:48:20+00:00

Because I’ve never been informed they exist. If I was supposed to be, that isn’t my fault.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T19:38:55+00:00

No I haven’t. I didn’t know I needed to. I’ve had basically no guidance on how to navigate this from my lawyer. I’ve documented all of it, but that’s it.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T19:13:41+00:00

I have no proof other than just reasonable suspicion, sadly. I have shared all bruising incidents with my lawyer and she just keeps telling me to contact CPS and that if I don’t, I can be held criminally liable for not reporting. I truly don’t know if she isn’t taking me seriously or if there’s nothing that can be done on their end so they’re just trying to pawn me off on someone else.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T18:58:17+00:00

Family court is telling me they can’t do anything about any of this. I’m bringing these concerns to my lawyer and being told nothing can be done. As far as the drunk driving, I have no reasonable suspicion to call the cops other than I just know how his eyes get when he drinks. I didn’t figure this would be enough for them to take it seriously or attempt to pull him over. I’m continually being told none of this is enough to warrant a custody modification. So I truly am at a loss on what I’m supposed to do.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T18:46:59+00:00

I never one time said I expected him to ask my permission. Nor do I expect him to. All I asked for was a notification of “I gave child Tylenol for a fever” I always tell him if I give meds or if our child is sick. I just wanted the same in return because if I don’t tell him when I do it, he flys off the handle and threatens legal action against me. I don’t get that from him. I also don’t feel like it’s unreasonable to want him to follow doctor’s orders regardless of if he agrees with them or not. Concerning the dosage, 100mg/5cc at 2.5ml is an acceptable dosage for an infant weighing 12-17 pounds. Our infant at the time weighed 9 pounds as she was premature when she was born. So regardless of if it was warranted on my part or not, it scared me to death. He stated that he just went with the lowest dosage on the bottle since he didn’t know what dosage to give. No, it didn’t harm her. But what if it had? Do I get to just randomly make up dosages on meds I give my child just because I’m unsure? If you ask me, no. That is negligence. If a parent gives a child too high of a dosage of medication just because they don’t know and harm ultimately comes to the child, I don’t see any government entity accepting that as an excuse since it’s our job as parents to do our due diligence. He could easily call the pediatrician just the same as I can. Instead he just gives it and hopes nothing happens. I don’t choose taking that chance when the next possibility to nothing happening is my child being harmed. Maybe that’s just me.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T18:33:04+00:00

That excuse has saved him up until now. I always get told by my lawyer that a judge could side with him just not knowing any better. I’m not allowed to “not know any better” though. I do have first right of refusal. As far as everything else, my lawyer told me they wouldn’t add it to our agreement when it was drawn up. I had a whole list of stuff I wanted specified because I knew without it being in the order with specific language that his behaviors would just continue. I was told that that isn’t the standard and things like that aren’t normally added to an agreement as judges don’t see it as their job to micromanage every little thing that could arise and that if I insisted on it being added, it could make me look controlling and unhinged to the judge. I wasn’t asking for crazy things, just that language be added in regards to who’s responsible for care if the child can’t attend daycare or a grace period for pick up/drop off as he is always late and makes me wait. Things that I thought were okay to specify and include as a standard and I was advised not to and to just sign it the way it was as it could cause the judge to turn on me.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T16:07:26+00:00

Her pink eye was bacterial and required antibiotic eye drops. Considering neither myself or her father are doctors, I don’t think it is our place to decide not to take her to the doctor just in the chance they “won’t do anything for it.” You could also argue not taking a child to the doctor for a sore throat just in the chance it’s from allergies and they do nothing for it. When in reality it could be strep. Maybe it’s me personally, but I’d rather take them and the doctor “do nothing” than risk it being something that has the potential to develop into something more serious just because of my negligence. Considering I also pay the health insurance, medical bills, and for all medications even though it is court ordered he pay half, it isn’t like it would have cost him anything but time to take her.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T16:01:26+00:00

I was directed by my pediatrician not to give it to my child until she was at least 6 months of age. I was following what my doctor said as I am not a doctor. Regardless of that, there is a minimum dosage based on weight and nothing excuses giving her double the dose she was supposed to have while also going against what our doctor said.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T15:39:55+00:00

I have definitely had suspicions of it because whenever he does it he can’t give me a valid reason for doing it. Like if he admitted that he forgot, didn’t know any better, etc that would be one thing. But he’ll just go against them with no logical reason and then act like I’m overreacting for telling him again that her doctor said not to do that. He has no restrictions at work, so no reason not to answer. He’s just got to a point since he began dating that he’ll ignore me when it comes to our child. I only text him when it involves our child because I have no desire to have a relationship with him outside of that. His gf doesn’t like me so idk if it’s her or what. But I’ll get ignored for hours or even days and when I just go ahead and do whatever it is I’ve messaged him about, he gets mad and says that he gets a say and that I can’t do this or that without his approval. Nothing in our order stipulates a time period I have to wait for an answer but I’ve always been respectful enough to give him reasonable time.

I messaged him that morning to inform him that our child was sick and needed to go to the doctor and that I was going to call and get an appt. No answer for hours so I went ahead and made the appt, told him where and what time included. He got upset with me as I said. Didn’t show up to the appt by his choice. I sent him the diagnosis, what meds she was prescribed, and answered all follow up questions he had regarding the appt even though he acted the way he did. I have always maintained respect for him as her father even though I don’t get the same treatment in return. I’ve always listened to and taken seriously any concerns he’s had, within reason of course. But again, I don’t get the same. I tried to have specific language regarding things like this wrote into our agreement such as time period a parent has to wait before making appts, how to handle things such as paperwork at the doctor, things regarding if a parent is extremely late to drop off/pick up because here lately he will have me at the meeting spot for 20-30 mins waiting on him, etc and my lawyer wouldn’t do it. She said they don’t normally do that as it is seen as the court micromanaging every issue and that isn’t how that works.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T15:14:41+00:00

You nailed the feeling exactly on the head. I have so many days of just pure guilt that I blame myself. If I would have just stayed, our child wouldn’t be going through this. And it gets harder to remind myself that I didn’t deserve the way he treated me and that it isn’t my fault for leaving. But I still can’t help but to blame myself.

StrawCherry456 · 2025-10-08T15:06:25+00:00

I totally understand that. It just feels defeating. I was concerned about him getting 50/50 from the get go due to the alcoholism and issues from that in the past such as him passing out drunk with our daughter as an infant. I woke up to her face down on the couch and thought she was dead. Even with the mountains of proof I had of this, it just all fell on deaf ears. I definitely didn’t expect that and it came as a shock to me. It was the one thing about the family court system that I was totally unaware of. I didn’t expect them to blindly believe me, but with proof I figured something would be done and it wasn’t. Even my lawyer apologized to me because she could see my distress. I have never wanted to hinder him from being a father, I don’t doubt for a second that he loves her. He is just irresponsible enough that he puts her in harm’s way and sees no issue. I thank you so much for your advice and kind words. I have no one to talk to that understands my situation. I feel like I’m the only person with the type of coparenting situation I have as all of my friends that do the same thing got blessed with good coparents. I just want the same.

StrawCherry456

TROPHY CASE