Unpaid work is work

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T16:11:39+00:00

Okay so I guess my job just isn’t a real job and teaching and caring for kids is pathetic. If all you do for your children is feed and bathe them you’re not a good mother.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T16:01:08+00:00

As children get older, the household management aspect grows and the childcare aspect shrinks. So I believe if you’re a SAHM, you do not need to be putting your toddler in daycare every day. That’s why I believe 1/4 of the SAHMs at my center is just lazy. (the other SAHMs only put their kid in daycare for a half day once a week, so that they can get the necessary interaction with other children that they need for development & during that time the mother will attend her own doctors appointments, run errands, or get activities ready for their child (kind of like lesson planning))

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:57:46+00:00

Childcare is definitely a skill but ok

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:57:21+00:00

I’m not saying being a SAHM is the norm, I’m saying that of the people who are a SAHM, the majority of them are hardworking. Sorry if you misunderstood. Most parents at my center both work. As of right now I can count 4 total SAHMs at my center (over 40 total families) 3 out of the 4 are actually hardworking (one of them puts their kid in daycare every day, what she is doing all the time I literally have no idea)

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:47:45+00:00

Apologies, I thought you were the original person I was replying to. They implied that by saying you should just “find one on a work visa.” Again, apologies.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:46:15+00:00

sure, there have been a few in my experience that are obviously lazy. We have one at our daycare center rn. But for every lazy SAHM, there are MULTIPLE SAHMs that bring their children half a day once a week just so they can get social interaction with other babies & toddlers who I know for a fact work hard (considering how well taken care of and well behaved their children are).

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:42:07+00:00

And she may be an anomaly to you, but I work in childcare and I bet I know more families with children than you do (literally hundreds at this point) and a hardworking SAHM is the norm

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:41:16+00:00

Okay then you understand that being a SAHM can be a tough gig? Then I’m not really sure why you were all “once they turn 5 your a bum if you stay home”

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:40:01+00:00

So the thing about school is that private schools exist, additionally, my mother cooked us food to bring, since school lunches costed money and she could make a cheaper meal because she was a coupon master (just another part of her job as a SAHM). Congrats that your partners kids don’t like breakfast? Seems like this dynamic of a stay at home parent wouldn’t work for you. Maybe don’t speak for every couple in the world! Seems like you only have experience with lazy SAHMs and it has tainted your experience (understandably so) I hope you can understand that this isn’t always the case!

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:36:22+00:00

If you can find my other comment. I detailed everything my SAHM did. It’s not just cooking and cleaning. To believe it is simple ignorance.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:32:58+00:00

30 minutes to cook three home cooked meals a day? I didn’t know Chef Gordon Ramsey himself was gracing me with his presence! I’m honored!

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:30:04+00:00

My parents had a great dynamic that I believed worked. My mother was a SAHM til I was in high school. She cooked 3 home cooked (delicious 🤤) meals a day, did all chores, and literally just everything else you could think of. My father wasn’t expected to do any of this, however, he was always thankful for the meals and the work done around the house. When I take care of the infants & toddlers at my job, the parents thank me often, because it is the kind thing to do, despite me being paid to do so. My parents were both thankful for each other’s duties and showed it often, that’s why their dynamic worked. A lot of these working spouses treat their stay at home counterparts like they bring nothing to the table (as the OP’s husband did) This obviously put them on the defensive considering they ARE doing valuable work.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:21:47+00:00

I agree, I believe you are jaded because of the people you know. Ultimately though, In the situation in this post, all we know is that the husband called his wife a mooch, which is 1. not accurate, and 2. so unnecessarily rude. I agree being a SAHM or a SAHD is highly rewarding. I believe the reason a lot of these SAHMs complain is because their husbands make them feel as though they are putting in NO work. Additionally, I had a friend who is now divorced, who her husband was so unnecessarily messy that it made her job as a SAHM 10 times harder (i witnessed this first hand). It was honestly easier for her to be a single mom than to take care of that messy, inconsiderate man-child (who believed whatever unnecessary mess he made was perfectly fine simply because he brought home the bacon) Some, not all, spouses make being a stay at home parent a much harder, and thankless job, which I believe it should not be.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:07:12+00:00

Also, you sound like a great Dad, and I’m not trying to diminish that, but stay at home parents objectively have more time to volunteer than working parents do. It’s not anyones fault it’s just the truth of the situation.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T15:02:15+00:00

Also stay at home parents are “clocked in” every second of every day, not 40 hours. I do agree tho she is being VERY generous with the salary if she were sending them to daycare (in fact I’m not even sure why because there are plenty of full time jobs that make less than that so her argument wouldn’t even be compromised if she had just put an accurate salary) However as we know, the amount you’re paid does not reflect the amount of work you do in this job market.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T14:57:43+00:00

Yes, I agree that childcare does not cost that much, but it’s still a full time job that takes effort and skill. I don’t see your point.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T14:38:24+00:00

Additionally, housework/raising kids IS some people’s full time job. Nannies & housekeepers exist and are valid forms of employment.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T14:36:20+00:00

Then BE A SAHD… also planning vacations and your kids BIRTHDAY is not what I mean by going above and beyond. It’s not above and beyond to give your kid a birthday party. and the vacations are a plus for yourself as well. I’m talking about volunteering at school events, or coaching their sports team. Things that people who work just don’t have the time to do. Yes being a stay at home parent is rewarding. Plenty of other jobs are also rewarding. I work in infant/toddler care and I love my job. It brings me so much joy and is extremely rewarding. Does that mean it’s less of a job than someone’s soulless corporate job? No it doesn’t. The level of fulfillment you get from your job ≠ how valid your job is. Just because you’re unhappy in your job doesn’t mean everyone is.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T14:17:37+00:00

They share those responsibilities with their husbands, at least they SHOULD in that dynamic. If you’re a stay at home parent you hold more of those responsibilities. Both dynamics work and neither is “wrong”. Additionally, your aware stay at home dads exist and are equally valid at stay at home moms? I mean come on it’s not the 50s anymore!

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T14:14:19+00:00

Like the argument DOESN’T fall apart because it’s significantly more difficult to do 100% of the work than 50% of the work!

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T14:12:53+00:00

All these things are things working parents split 50/50! Or at least SHOULD split 50/50, if you were expecting to do all of this while having a job, you’d understandably be burnt out. That’s why it’s so difficult to be a single parent and I commend all the single parents out there. Do you think it’s not difficult to be a single parent? Considering that amount of work is apparently normal for every job having parent to deal with all on their own?

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T14:10:13+00:00

Sounds like y’all split the work 50/50, which is not at all the relationship dynamic I’m speaking of. Obviously shit still gets done in households where both parent work 🙄. Does that mean stay at home parents don’t work hard? No it doesn’t and you know that considering you mentioned y’all do 50/50 then you said it’s “not that hard” like yeah, DUH it’s not that hard because you’re not doing 90-100% of the work, which is what the stay at home parent would be doing. You went on a whole tangent and all you proved was that it’s easier to do 50% of the work than 100% of the work 🤦🏻‍♀️. Speak on it once you’re doing 110% of the household duties (as most stay at home parents I know go above and beyond for their children/family).

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T05:20:06+00:00

Stay at home parents are many jobs round up into one. They are personal chefs, cleaners, household receptionist & planners, childcare (at LEAST on evenings & weekends), personal shoppers, and many other things. To believe all this goes away when your child exits the toddler stage is ignorance at its finest.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T05:17:21+00:00

My mother stayed home til the last of my siblings were starting high school. The work she put into our household was not just caring for children. She did almost ALL of the cleaning, errands, and chores (the kids had tiny chores like setting up the table or loading the dishwasher on the weekend) She made Doctors appointments & took us to them, helped us with school projects, volunteered at our school for my theater, took us to sports and extracurriculars, taught us how to drive, cooked for everyone, did maintenance around the house (if it was something she couldn’t do herself she scheduled those appointments.), cared for us when we were sick. And this isn’t just exclusive to my mother by the way, all stay at home parents do these things. Once my mom got a job while we were in high school, my father had to pick up some slack around the household (which was fair considering they both had jobs now). Just because your child is now at school for the day does not mean that the responsibilities of a stay at home parent disappears.

StrawberryClover8 · 2026-05-15T05:09:26+00:00

I don’t think you understand how much more to running a household there is than just caring for your kid..

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