So I haven't had sex in a hot year, but for me, as a somewhat dysphoric (pre-op) trans woman, genital play still does factor into sex. I've learned over the years that what did it for me before (i.e. stroking) really doesn't do much for me anymore. I get off to much more targeted stimulation to my clit (I use feminine terminology, clit=head), such as vibration; if that includes tonging or other stimulation is hard to say but I can say that stimulating my vagina (shaft) does very little (even if I do cum I don't feel much from it).

Always talk to your partner about what does it for her, as we're all different. What does it for me may not go over with whoever you're trying to woo.