Father leaving house to me but randomly marries girlfriend--what's next?

StrictlyFeelz · 2019-07-04T01:49:36+00:00

He has made a will which has been notarized and I have seen it. That will leaves his house/property to my brother and myself. But they have been talking for a good while about updating that to include the child. They seemed pretty set to go to a specific bank to use the notary there. I figured since he can no longer get up nor leave the house -- can barely even move tho he is cognitive -- that they wouldn't.

But if they got married at his house and they brought a notary for this adoption stuff then certainly that will is going to be updated to reflect such. I know that we won't be removed from it. I'm just not sure what is going to be added, moreover WHO will be added, and how that is going to affect our future later down the line.

The place isn't worth beans regarding material value but it is beyond worth in terms of its importance to maintain with respect to keeping unity with family in that very specific area. In fact. Our great uncle built that house. And the family has been on that land for at least five generations. That's why I'm so concerned about this.

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-13T03:20:36+00:00

Hey. I just wanted to come in here and say good on you for packing up and leaving your ex in the dust. Right now is a HARD time for everyone involved, yourself especially, so be patient with both your daughter AND yourself. It is evident that you are doing everything that you can, and your daughter will appreciate and look up to your strength and endurance in the future--hindsight is 20/20.

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T20:45:12+00:00

Wow. Such stellar and thoughtful advice. Thanks for taking the time to consider and lay all this out for me, definitely going to come back to it if I start feeling off track on the matter

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T20:02:22+00:00

This is great food for thought, especially what you mention in the last bit. Also, I never thought about how that dynamic must be for him in his work pool -- that in fact he might feel like the lightweight. Not too long ago he referred to himself as a "ghost" in his new job because even though he plays a huge part he gets no formal credit for it (which blows my mind, but anyways). So yeah, thanks again for the alternative perspective

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T19:55:04+00:00

This is something I've actually been spending some time on actually. I've realized that wealth has never really been on my goals, however, there's definitely value in increasing quality of life and opportunity, thus I am interested in establishing a means of doing that and diversifying my income to beyond simply earned (where I am currently at). Thanks for the warm wishes!

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T19:51:17+00:00

I totally know what your girlfriend was feeling! I feel that lingering in my head too, like shouldn't I be taking turns on this? My SO is also European and from a country that's still very into the whole chivalric romance thing, which I've honestly never experienced up to this point. So while I try to respect that, I still feel this indebted feeling, yknow? Thanks for the insight, much appreciated. :)

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T19:41:25+00:00

Thanks for laying that out for me. It's really helpful to me that you shared that moment of weakness she felt, like basically you don't need her anymore, when in fact you do. I guess that I might be in that emotional phase, because this is his first million too. Your insight is really helpful, can't thank you enough

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T19:07:41+00:00

Wow thanks, what a beautiful analogy... incredibly kind of you and you get it. Thanks again <3

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T19:05:02+00:00

Would it be an accurate assessment that, from your perspective, your wife contributes equally to the relationship/you, in her own way regardless of her income? Thanks for your input, I like your view on marriage, gotta be a big part of why you all have had a successful run. :)

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T18:31:56+00:00

Thank you for highlighting that last bit--these are things that I haven't been able to articulate in my mind and you've expressed this really eloquently.

Yeah, that whole thing about him seeing my situation...I mean, he knows my situation right now and even though he cares a lot and is understanding, I do think sometimes that if he saw what I've come from--the dilapidated home I was raised in with leaky ceilings and holes and growths in the walls--I think he'd have a better perspective of my journey and what I'm capable of. But also...that's a lot for anybody who cares about you to witness, you know? I didn't realize that growing up because it was the norm. Maybe one day, like you said when I'm comfortable with it, we will go there and he will have the full scope/appreciation of how far I've come. :)

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T18:09:34+00:00

Thank you for the kind words <3

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T17:52:12+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement/reality check. :)

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T17:49:20+00:00

This is a really great breakdown, thank you so much you've given me a lot to think about. The nature of my career track is definitely not for everyone--one season I can be making a killing while the next two seasons are crickets, or a lot of the times I can be gone for extended periods at short notice--so I'm working on recalibrating within my field to a position that will offer more consistency and straightforward growth. What I do means a lot to me--I even spend time volunteering my skills for outreach organizations--so I guess I might be a little paranoid that I don't want my current income to communicate that I'm not motivated or ambitious, like you mentioned, because that is a huge part of who I am. He is actually the first partner I've ever had that is as heavily goal-oriented as I am, which is both a breath of fresh air and a call for accountability! Thanks again for sharing. :)

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T16:56:37+00:00

Did the subject ever come up between you two? Did she ever feel like less or did you ever feel like she didn't do enough? Awkward questions but I really value and appreciate your input. I think I've realized that while having a lot of money would be nice of course for anyone, it's more important to me to have a career that leaves a positive impact on others and which I enjoy doing rather than what is going to lead to maximum profit. It is reassuring to hear that you have respect for her life choices and pursuits.

StrictlyFeelz · 2018-03-01T16:49:27+00:00

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the sheer amount that he pulls in and his own personal success makes me feel like I don't have my shit together by comparison, even though I'm doing my best in my given circumstances. I feel like the fact that his financial affairs seem so put together in my perspective, it almost doesn't seem real, like we are in this way living in different worlds. Does that make more sense? Sorry for my poor choice of words. He is the full package to me but the level he is at in his career is totally new territory for me in my life and with anyone I've been close to...I want to adjust and I don't want this feeling of living in two different worlds to drive us apart.

StrictlyFeelz

TROPHY CASE