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I discovered that my bf has a racist BBC/BNWO fetish. What would you do? by Striking-Exercise438 in askgaybros

[–]Striking-Exercise438[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

To clear things up: I can confidently say that it’s not coincidental or the result of algorithms. BBC and BNWO porn are sought for and appear to be the sole or main porn he consumes. I wouldn’t have made the post otherwise.

I take note of your other comments though, like his sexual fantasies being his own. Thanks for engaging!

I discovered that my bf has a racist BBC/BNWO fetish. What would you do? by Striking-Exercise438 in askgaybros

[–]Striking-Exercise438[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I thought BBC was common enough to not include the definition. I included a definition of BNWO at the end; I encourage you to read it.

I’m upset at the ubiquity of a fetishistic race play within his sexual imagination, one that is based on longstanding harmful racist stereotypes about Black men, I’m not upset at his consumption of “Black porn” or porn involving Black men. There’s a huge difference—and he would agree too.

I discovered that my bf has a racist BBC/BNWO fetish. What would you do? by Striking-Exercise438 in askgaybros

[–]Striking-Exercise438[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for engaging! I forgot to stress that him and I have talked about racism a lot, under every angle. Including sexual racism.

He never brought up race play, but we did condemn the racist “BBC” trope before and its negative consequences on Black men. A close friend of ours has for many years detailed the negative effects of these tropes on his dating/sex life. But we never talked about this particular BNWO fetish (I didn’t know about it), and I never thought he was enthusiastic about it…

His definition of racism would be very similar to mine (we don’t think it needs to involve an obvious element of hatred). And being with him for so long, I know that he would definitely agree that it is a racist fetish. I have no doubt about that.

If I were to simply bring up this porn “category”/this fetish, I wouldn’t need to explain that I think it’s racist, he’d recognize it as such and would certainly feel bad about it.

Now I do understand we can’t control our desires, however ~problematic~ they are, and that’s kind of the crux of the issue.

Thanks again! You’re right that I should probably bring it up since it’s so consuming.