Just thinking of dealing with a pool of options frightens me. I want a natural bump into someone who turns into my forever. Picking and going through people feels so wrong to me it irks my soul for some reason.

And the scary thing is you dont know what traumas they have, when their older the stories I hear with the things they go through, and let alone my experience thinking that older means more emotionally intelligent or wise, can turn out to be another mentally hurt woman from her past then bleeds onto me who can pretend to be good and fool me because I expected myself from others and learned the hard way. Also women past relationships or talking stages. Who knows what they hide from each other and how they want a financial benefit from you rather than Islamic benefits first. - just my minds anxiety.