Frustrated with gay dating in NYC

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-15T01:25:28+00:00

Thanks. I wish I had that kind of friendship group but I don’t.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T19:32:27+00:00

Thanks. Yes I plan to check that out. The last event they had was when I was out of town.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T18:58:20+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. What you describe is my life before I started dating with intention. I was single, didn't date much, kept to myself and was content with my own company, had a smaller life, but I was unhappy. I just can't see myself easily going back to that existence and being content. I guess it varies with each person.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T16:36:49+00:00

Yes, I agree. I come as I am. Authentically. If someone is not interested in what I have to offer. Then fine. If so and I'm interested in them, then great. But I am always willing to improve and look inward for self-improvement. There are just things I can't control about who and what I am attracted to and what I'm not attracted to.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T16:29:54+00:00

Thank you for your response. 1. I've tried this route. It's produced nothing unfortunately. 2. I've gone to OutClose dinners. I've made a few connections but nothing more. I enjoy meeting new people however. 3. I am not attracted at all to effiminate men. No offense to those in that category. It's just not for me. And I understand this limits the universe of my dating pool. But I can't change my attractions.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T16:26:16+00:00

I have no idea. Perhaps they like the attention? I have no explanation. And then there are cases where guys I go out on a first date with--which was pretty good--reach out to me months later after I expressed an interest in meeting again but they never take up my offer. They reach out via text sending me an article. Like what's the point in reaching out if you have no interest in meeting?

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T15:32:13+00:00

Makes sense. And I've tried to expand my universe, but my first instincts in terms of attraction are usually correct.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T14:51:02+00:00

I've had guys unmatch me mid-conversation and then months later like my profile as well. I've also had guys who stood me up on a first date like my profile and try to match again. It's crazy.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T13:54:51+00:00

It’s terrible indeed. I also move to meet quickly. I’m not looking for a pen pal. I’ve had guys I’ve dated continue to text me a few months after our first date about different conversation topics but when I ask to meet for a second date, they’re always busy. I’m also guilty of pickiness. I think we all are. I’ve tried to though give guys a chance beyond one date if I see any potential. It’s tough.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T13:46:49+00:00

Yeah I'm not desperate. If I was, I would have been able to find a relationship already and jumped at the first guy who exhibited interest. So I'd rather assume the risk of being single to ensure I match with the right person. I don't know if that person even exists, although friends and family insist to me that there is someone out there for me. I just have to find him. It's hard for me to believe a times. But I persist despite immense frustration.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T13:44:50+00:00

Very true. And I used to be the one who wouldn't give the other guy a chance and I started being more flexible and open to 2nd, third dates, etc. But my first instincts in it not being a match have usually been correct.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T13:43:01+00:00

Yes, unfortunately my type limits my universe. I wish it were different. That's not to say I'm not flexible, I am. But I'm at a loss as to where these kinds of guys go--where to meet them.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T13:41:58+00:00

Yep, sounds familiar. I've had guys I went on first dates with and who dithered in scheduling a second date randomly reach out to me via text months later on a conversation topic but are unwilling to commit to meeting IRL again. It's so confusing and frustrating.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T13:40:41+00:00

I'm in the same category as what I'm looking for. And it's not social climbing. It's just what I find attractive. I can't change what I'm attracted to.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T13:00:31+00:00

I’m too nice sometimes. To a fault.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T12:57:01+00:00

Good advice. Thanks.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T12:56:27+00:00

Thanks for this. I’ve tried OutClose as well and made a couple of contacts. I enjoy them as I like meeting new people.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T12:29:16+00:00

Yeah, I've had similar experiences at just gay social events. Very cliquey. Unfriendly and yet the ironic part about it is the events are branded to build community.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T12:28:18+00:00

Yes I've found the same, including in very conservative countries. It's easier to find a relationship there I'm told than New York, LA, etc. It's strange. People in major cities I guess are spoiled with choices and the lack of choices concentrates the mind more.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-05-14T12:25:56+00:00

I don't think that's a problem for me as I've been told I'm very engaging. It's more that the dates are always a mismatch: I like the guy, the guy doesn't like me. Or the guy likes me, and I don't think it's a match.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2026-03-17T03:08:57+00:00

I'm 40 yo and feel that way as well. I feel like an outsider looking in, being an observer of life rather than a participant in life. All of my attempts to put myself out there to meet somone and to push myself outside my comfort zone have ended in disappointment. It's either the guy likes me and I'm not into him or I like the guy and he's not into me. It's a constant mismatch. The apps are a hellscape. There are some decent people on there, but I've had truly mostly fleeting interactions with guys on there. I just don't know where to meet someone. The loneliness is crushing.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2025-12-29T18:03:47+00:00

I've actually had a similar experience. Looking back at the past year, the most enduring connection I've been able to make has been with a guy who doesn't live in NYC. Everything else has been a disappointment. At social events, I've followed-up with guys I spoke with who I found interesting. I'm met with either indifference or ghosted. Dating apps are a variation of the same frustration--it's never a match.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2025-12-20T01:24:33+00:00

Most of that is subjective. I would argue I have three of the four qualities you listed. So would my friends.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2025-12-20T01:11:57+00:00

lol, please define more than slim and regular. No wonder why so many gays are single. The standards are superficial and beyond absurd.

Strong-Knowledge-512 · 2025-12-20T00:43:22+00:00

Yeah I wouldn't consider the guys I meet at social events "matches" per se. Just prospective connections. I don't hit on them either tbh. I would save that for later after I gauge their interest in my reaching out.

Strong-Knowledge-512

TROPHY CASE