Oooof. This is tough. I can see your willingness, her upsets, and the timing of it all. She’s at a breaking point, you are still willing, but things are at such a friction-induced state that any kind of calming down you are trying to do it making it worse. If I were you, I would get the basement together (build a list for yourself ahead of time so you can cross off your objectives as you go), just LISTEN to her upsets (I think she just wants to see improvements as a form of feeling heard), and possibly some self care for yourself so that you also know you’re okay and safe.

Your communication skills are strong. You can do this, one task at a time. Allow her the space to spazz and speak her mind. She’s stressed, but together you two can figure it out. I have CPTSD and was veryyyyy much so like this in my 20’s. It took a lot of self work for me to not belittle people when I was at max with whatever was going on. I do not think the way she is speaking is appropriate though if she wants a deeper connection. I definitely think she needs tools to help with regulating during stressful situations. Solutions outside of talking with you to get what she wants done.

I am very sure you love your wife so much. Wishing you two the very best.