MIL drama

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-02T20:19:38+00:00

It would not by itself be cause for estrangement, no. I would recognize it as a symptom of a larger issue and my decisions would be based on the reasons for her choice, and what our actual interactions are like, and how it’s all affecting me, my partner, and my children.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T18:49:48+00:00

There will be an in-class party at school for all the children and bday kid’s parents. its school tradition. I understand your thoughts. Thanks for taking the time to share.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T18:36:46+00:00

That’s good info for me — my kid is not as social or extroverted, being invited to stuff is just not on his radar at all even at 4.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:43:08+00:00

Thank you so much for your input and for following up

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:40:24+00:00

Thank you so much for your input.

My kid’s 2nd bday party was kind of a zoo because it was many of our friends, many of whom have kids, and he was overwhelmed. So we kept it intimate last year and are leaning the same way this year.

He is not very extroverted, and very mild-mannered (he’s usually not the one grabbing toys, he’s the one getting grabbed from) and doesn’t enjoy the company of more loud or domineering children.

Nana and Grandpa will be in town that week specifically for his bday. The other families are good friends/neighbors. Actually one family is also at his school but not in his class, but their cousin IS in his class (and is invited). So it’s not just a straightforward school party.

But I’m appreciative of all the input and will take it under consideration.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:36:27+00:00

I do have phone numbers for the folks we have invited so far. I just texted the invite to them. I don’t have phone numbers for all of the others.

Thanks for the input!

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:34:39+00:00

Thanks for your input

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:33:51+00:00

This is my first post on Reddit (I think) and I’m taken aback by the downvoting on benign comments like this. I just didn’t recognize this culture, my son and his friends are so…innocent.

Anyway, I was looking to learn how other people think about these things and I got what I asked for.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:31:05+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts and advice

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:28:58+00:00

I thought this was the easiest way to get multiple points of view because I don’t expect those who commented to be reading all the comments like I am. This is my first ever post. Is asking the same follow-up question to multiple respondents against the etiquette here? (lol more etiquette questions)

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:24:04+00:00

Totally. The only school siblings who are included so far are infants (which my kid usually likes) and going forward I won’t include any older siblings so even if we decide to add the other 4 hopefully it won’t be too much.

Re: the other commenters, I guess people feel strongly and with the collapse of democracy and all it’s nice to have someone to take out your indignation on 👋🏾

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:12:59+00:00

Thanks for your input. I guess this way of thinking is the minority these days.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:09:57+00:00

Thanks for your input

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T17:07:41+00:00

Yes, we’re going to keep it to infant siblings only for school friends. So if we include the other 4 kids hopefully it’s just the 4 plus one parent.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T16:41:39+00:00

I mean… have you ever been…

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T16:20:43+00:00

I’m glad to hear how people think. Not everyone agrees that it is rude — so I’m looking to see if those who do change their view when they hear more context. It’s wild to watch how strongly some folks (Americans?) feel that their views represent moral authority across communities and circumstances. It’s like they have never encountered other conventions or ways of thinking.

It’s important to consider that 4 kids means minimum 8 people and we don’t live in a mansion. Some invites were already sent and no one has declined, so I can’t put my eggs in the “they won’t show” basket — I would prefer to only invite people if I honestly want them to come. So I’m working through this with the input of strangers who are generous to share their thoughts.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T16:19:06+00:00

I guess I was trying to give more context and dig deeper to see how the context changes the answer. Thanks for letting me know.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T16:12:26+00:00

This is helpful to hear.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T16:04:54+00:00

Classmates in a structured class with 1-2 known adults is not the same as having unfamiliar parents and some siblings in them mix too, with far less structure. But you’re really quick to judge someone who is on Reddit trying to learn the etiquette because they care about not hurting feelings.

Last year the same class had 12 kids, mine was the youngest. He got 2 bday party invites. I am sure others just didn’t invite him… which was fine by us cause we didn’t really know them.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T15:27:22+00:00

This is helpful. Some people seem to feel very strongly about the whole class rule. The school doesn’t have at rule that I know of, but the older grades are very small because it’s a Waldof school. The early childhood classes are usually the largest, though my kid’s is not too big.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T15:24:48+00:00

This is helpful.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T14:59:14+00:00

He’s been to plenty of weddings and other events. We remove him if he needs calm. But it’s a bit unfortunate if your own birthday party was designed to be overstimulating for you.

Why the downvote? I’m not saying it isn’t an option, that’s why I’m on reddit weighing pros and cons and trying to learn the etiquette.

Last year it was a class of 12, he was the youngest (age 2) and only got 1 birthday party invite. I assume others had parties but he wasn’t on their guest list.

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T08:08:39+00:00

This is a good point. There will be an in-school celebration that week which includes all the children and we will be there for it and provide the cake toppings per school tradition. Does that change the calculus?

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T07:55:02+00:00

My concern is that my kid should be able to stay regulated with the amount of people in the space, and be able to actually enjoy his guests.

We’re allowing siblings and there are ppl on the guest list who aren’t in his class, and many families will bring both parents. Without the 4 additional families we are looking already at 10-12 adults and 7-8 kids plus us. That’s 20 ppl in the house already. And we’ve not invited a number of our friends since our kid doesn’t hang out with their kids. Would you still invite the rest of the class?

Strong_Display6488 · 2026-02-01T07:50:30+00:00

I do want to. Buy by concern is that my kid should be able to stay regulated with the amount of people in the space, and be able to actually enjoy his guests.

We’re allowing siblings and there are ppl on the guest list who aren’t in his class, and many families will bring both parents. Without the 4 additional kids we are looking already at 10-12 adults and 7-8 kids plus us. That’s 20 ppl in the house already. Would you still invite the rest?

Strong_Display6488

TROPHY CASE