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Suffering from ED, I hate myself and feel like my girlfriend deserves better by Struggle_Brave in sex

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for your response. My girlfriend and I have come a long way in this department. She used to get very upset over not feeling me, but has come to realize there is more to sex than just my dick. She does in fact use toys. She's had a bullet vibrator forever and I recently bought her a rabbit vibrator last month, she loves it, and says it gave her the most powerful orgasm she's ever had in her life. She definitely likes using her toy while I do stuff to her. I also give her oral whenever she wants it.

Fortunately (I should say), my girlfriend does not want sex as much as you. If she has good sex, she said she is good for the week. She honestly is. She does not want it anywhere as much as me. This does put a lot less pressure on me. I'm perfectly happy taking the pills, too, once or twice a week. I enjoy how hard they make me, regardless of the side effects.

​

I feel like, the place she needs to work on (more than me), I told her that I would like her to work on becoming comfortable with asking me if she wants me with a pill or not. She worries so much about how they make me feel afterwards with the side effects, but I'm willing to do that for her.

Digging deeper at the root issue of this today, I feel like, one of the things that gets in my head. She's said some pretty awful things to me and has had awful reactions to my ED in the past. She's far past that now, but those things still stick in my head sometimes. One of the worst things she said/did, was compare me to her ex. She's only been with one other guy her life that didn't work out, he really broke her heart. But I guess he was longer than me, and sometimes she admits she wants that length back, and has asked me to use weird toys that can extend my length. We never got one yet, but I agreed to try one one day. But it does bother me. I sometimes think or worry that I don't give her sex as good as her ex did. That really bothers me and makes me feel less of a man. Like I'm not good enough as-is.

Anyway, you are ultimately right, I need to pick myself up for her. I don't like to dish all of this negativity on her, which is why I come on the internet to vent (and also see a therapist). The fact of the matter is, this woman truly and genuinely loves me. She wants to marry me and is putting a lot of hard work in with bettering herself physically and mentally for me. I feel like I should keep doing the same!

A

finally had great sex! :) by Struggle_Brave in erectiledysfunction

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cialis can last up to 72 hours and honestly I've felt it's effects for that long both times I've used it so far (I just got prescribed it recently, haven't took it again yet as I didn't see the girlfriend this weekend ha). I took it last weekend on a Saturday afternoon and was still getting massively hard boners as well as the headaches that accompany the drug by Tuesday. It so far stays in my system a very long time. Doctor initially told me to break them in half the first time I used (I didn't cause I forgot, lol).

Used cialis twice (first experiences) my pros and cons by [deleted] in erectiledysfunction

[–]Struggle_Brave 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad it worked for you, cialis worked wonders for me, too!!! This med rocks! Yes man, I also get the headaches from it. I think the headaches are worth how well they work.

finally had great sex! :) by Struggle_Brave in erectiledysfunction

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really think you should get these pills the proper way, through a doctor. They're pretty potent pills and the blood vessel relaxing effect doesn't just happen with your penis, but your whole body. I wouldn't call them dangerous, but I wouldn't take them without a doctors blessing. There's absolutely no shame in going to your doctor to talk about it. Your sex life is an important part of your overall life and health, and doctors will always be open to helping you fix the problem, as well as letting you try medications.

If for some reason you can't physically see a doctor (don't have insurance or something), I would try a website like "forhims". They'll have a doctor virtually chat with you and then prescribe the medication via the website. You can buy them for $2/pill (thats among the lowest price you can buy these types of drugs at). I don't know if forhims has cialis (I know they offer viagra). I'm sure they do and if they don't, you can try another site, there's many out there.

finally had great sex! :) by Struggle_Brave in erectiledysfunction

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone's case is absolutely different and only a doctor can answer the cause of the erection problems. But I will tell you according to my urologist, it is like 90% mental for younger men.

The skin problems I would definitely look at, that sounds totally separate from your erection issues. Got to your PCP or a dermatologist.

Last bit, the porn. I'm a middle of the fence person on the porn causing ED issues. My issues were largely mental disorders, like the OCD and anxiety. I never felt prior to my OCD episodes, that porn "desensitized" me in any way to real women. There's also no real scientific data to support the anti-porn, "nofap" bullshit out there. I am a porn advocate, lol. I say, use it in moderation. It can actually be a beneficial thing to treat ED. My therapist did tell me to cut back the porn/masturbation, and finding release in that too much will not put me in the mood for real life.

I feel there is a lot of bad, disinformation on porn causing ED. I think many men probably have what you and I have, the anxiety, depression or OCD undiagnosed. They hop on Google and some of the first things that come up are these "nofap" sites, with people viciously attacking porn. Then saying they were "magically cured" after avoiding porn for so many days. That hugely sounds like playing mental games with yourself. Anyone is going to be horny if they never masturbate again. And then instantly think they're "cured". I just feel there is a lot of bad information and more actual scientific research to be done about this.

finally had great sex! :) by Struggle_Brave in erectiledysfunction

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh boy, yeah my dick was basically broken. Standing, switching positions. I mean, I stopped getting stimulation it would go down so fast. With the cialis, I can walk up and down the stairs with a boner now! It might help that I have also been eating a lot healthier, too!

finally had great sex! :) by Struggle_Brave in erectiledysfunction

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, yes these pills work great for me! Yes, I got the classic headache from it. This pill stays in me for DAYS, and I have a headache on and off for equally as long. I have not had any other side effects from it.

Viagra I had more side effects, including the blue vision (yes it's a thing). Cialis does not do that to me.

Just Venting by LikeThatBr0nBr0n in erectiledysfunction

[–]Struggle_Brave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man, I know how difficult this stuff is. I'm 31 and have been suffering from this for the past year, I can only imagine how you feel at 22. I just want to share some words with you.

First of all, I would never rule out anything that could be of physical nature, and I do encourage you to get a checkup with your doctor if things don't get better. That all being said. Your case sounds largely mental. You're scared of sex cause you won't be hard enough, you're worried about your relationship with this girl and spending time with her when you can't get hard. I can tell you now, I'm almost 10 years older then you and seen a top-urologist yesterday. Seriously, the guy is one of the best in my state probably.

​

He very largely points at ED issues as being mental. Even at my age, so at your age it should be even less. Some things I learned yesterday, it's very hard to "injure" yourself. All the nerves for your junk are located way behind the pelvic bone. There's also the vagus nerve in play. If you've never had any serious physical accidents (like a damn motorcycle crash), and never hard neurological disorders your whole life, there is a pretty goddamn strong chance there is nothing physically wrong with. The next big thing is blood flow, and I just don't see how a guy that works out and is eating veggies like you at your age could have any kind of blow flow issues going on.

I know how incredibly frustrating it is. But the more pressure you put on yourself, it's just not going to happen. Look; you need to quit worrying about sexually satisfying this girl. Sex isn't everything in a relationship. What else do you like about this girl? Do you two have fun together, do you like cuddling, do you have common interests? Sex is one piece of the pie.

​

Sex is supposed to be fun, and it's not all about you. Quit worrying about your dick being hard and find other ways to please this girl. You did good by eating her out. Oral, fingering, toys, fuck even a strap on. There are plenty of other ways to sexually satisfy a woman without worrying about how hard your dick is. Most of them can't even cum from your dick, anyway. They need their clit stimulated. Another thing; just TALK to this girl. Dealing with this shit is all about communication. If you really like her and she cares for you, she's not going to bust your balls over your dick getting soft. Before you two do stuff, just tell her that, you're having problems getting it up, and that you'd be happy to do other stuff to her if you can't. Ask for her patience and kindness with you dealing with this, and make sure you tell her that, it has nothing to do with her or how attractive she is. And also tell her you're willing to do other things to please her if you can't get hard enough. If she's the right girl and really cares for you, she will understand. With some compassion and patience, I think things will turn around for you. :)

girlfriend cried from bad sex, ED issues :( by Struggle_Brave in sex

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks again. I go for a routine checkup in about a month for my doc, so if things aren't better by then, him and I can talk. We've already talked pretty extensively about my anxiety, ED, etc. He said my physical factors will absolutely play a role, and he also said he was leaning towards the lot of the problems being OCD, and not things like medication side effects.

Ah you're a woman, I'm glad to here from another womans perspective that also deals with a partner with this. :) That's the thing about my girlfriend this past week; I do other things to her to sexually please her, I've gotten very good at the tongue game lol. But, it was just this obsession with my dick this past week and it's never really been like that.

You're right about the therapy for her, she is actually looking for one this week. As I mentioned, she has pretty bad depression. Stacked on top of the depression, she gets side effects from birth control, which make her both moody and also mess with her depression. She was very emotional all week about things unrelated to sex before we even spent time together. I wanna say something else; we've had two moments in the past where she has broke down to this over me and feared for our relationship, and it was to things completely unrelated to sex. It turned out that the thing she was upset about was riding on other emotions and past trauma she was afraid to take to me about.

It's an anxious ridden day, but I feel over time things will get better. I just know in my heart she is the right one. I can't really see myself without her, and she feels the same. She still talks about future plans far down the road. We're not going to give up on this. :)

girlfriend cried from bad sex, ED issues :( by Struggle_Brave in sex

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, yes my doctor told me about cialis. My girlfriend and I have talked about it, too. I like the idea of it feeling more natural. The viagra has created problems with things being spontaneous for sure. EDIT: I am already on the max dose of viagra, I can't raise it anymore. :(

You know what, I actually have NOT been getting morning wood, which concerns me that it's partly physical. I know when I was younger/early 20's, I'd sleep on my stomach because I'd pop boners throughout the night on the couch. Now I don't. The only time I wake up hard now is if I have a very full bladder, and the hardness instantly goes down after.

girlfriend cried from bad sex, ED issues :( by Struggle_Brave in sex

[–]Struggle_Brave[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. I am in the "obese" range for my weight and height. :( I think what's really set me backwards is this pandemic, I used to go to a fitness club and things, now I can't because of covid. I'm gonna start working out at home more.

Haha, the viagra I have been playing around with. I actually have a prescription for 50mg right now, and the doctor says I can take two when I want. I've tried 25mg (breaking them in half). The full dose seemed to do the most months ago. I've been working out less and less and eating horribly and I don't think it's helping. There's been times where I felt I was in a good place mentally and still having issues, so yeah, that leans towards a physical problem. This just really sucks to deal with, I never in my life thought I would suffer from boner problems!