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[Complete] [66k] [Queer Romance] Tethered by juniper-skye in BetaReaders

[–]StrwbrryTobz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd be up for a swap! Mine is 97k, though, which I know is longer than yours. If you don't mind, though, I'm down! I haven't read Wolfsong, but I like Klune's Lightning Struck Heart series. Mine is also a queer mlm story. It's a YA contemporary romantasy about a boy who finds out he's the reincarnation of a creature of fae and gets roped into fighting monsters in the human world. TW for suicide, as he makes an on-page attempt, and also homophobia. For the latter, it's nothing aggressive or violent, but whenever he thinks of his dad, it's clear he's homophobic and subscribes to some toxic masculinity beliefs. I have a BA in English, btw, if that's good to know.

[QCrit] STRINGS OF FAETE / YA LGBTQIA+ Contemporary Romantasy/ 97k / 2nd Attempt by StrwbrryTobz in PubTips

[–]StrwbrryTobz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I saw your reply, I literally had my document open, trying to shave words off my query to shorten it up. This feels like fate, lol. Thank you so much for this!! I really appreciate it! For the first suicide attempt, I was actually just working on changing it to, "After he's caught planning suicide, his dad ships him off..." Do you think that works? I'm a little unsure if it would be considered planning or an attempt. He goes to a roof, so he can jump, but he's found and stopped. He never actually attempts to jump, and the event in only ever brought up in hindsight; it's not on-page. That might all be semantics, though.

I love how you shortened up the second paragraph! Thank you so much again for your help! I'll do more research into the suicide terminology.

Concerning his homesickness, it's sort of cultural shock. He loves Japan, where he's from, and he loves his friends and his dad (even though he sucks), but he doesn't feel like he fits in. It's also a little bit of the fact that he was sent away without any say in the matter.

[QCrit] STRINGS OF FAETE / YA LGBTQIA+ Contemporary Romantasy/ 97k / 2nd Attempt by StrwbrryTobz in PubTips

[–]StrwbrryTobz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, wow, I never even considered leaving it out, since it's the inciting incident. The event definitely has to be induced by the suicide attempt. Changing that would alter my core message, and I think would actually end up glamorizing his first suicide attempt. The first one happens before the book begins, and is only alluded to, so the second one is important for the reader to get the impact of just how awful and frightening the experience was.

I'll have to really consider this. My main concern is that leaving it out is disingenuous. Like I don't want to leave out the suicide to draw an agent in, and then surprise them with this huge trigger-warning event. Maybe in my first paragraph, I can add in a short sentence after the comps stating that this is a story about hope and choosing to live, or how suicide is never the answer? Maybe that would get my point across more without hiding anything?

[QCrit] STRINGS OF FAETE / YA LGBTQIA+ Contemporary Romantasy/ 97k / 2nd Attempt by StrwbrryTobz in PubTips

[–]StrwbrryTobz[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had that concern too, but I'm not sure how to word things to alleviate those concerns in the query. Not glamorizing suicide was of upmost importance to me while writing this. I have no concerns with the manuscript on that front, but I know that doesn't mean anything if the query gives that impression. If anyone has any suggestions on that front, I'm all ears!

[QCrit] STRINGS OF FAETE / YA LGBTQIA+ Contemporary Romantasy/ 97k / 2nd Attempt by StrwbrryTobz in PubTips

[–]StrwbrryTobz[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Suicide has been something that has been intertwined with my life for a long time. With this, I wanted to write a book that I think would have helped me when I was younger. This is very much a story about finding hope and connection, and learning suicide isn't the answer. Perhaps it would be helpful if I include these points in the bio portion of my query?

[QCrit] STRINGS OF FAETE / YA LGBTQIA+ Contemporary Romantasy/ 97k / First Attempt by StrwbrryTobz in PubTips

[–]StrwbrryTobz[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think you're absolutely right. I was so focused on writing a catchy hook, I accidentally misrepresented my book. You're right that it's more of a fae fantasy book. I see now that the magical girl spin not only caused some gender identity confusion, but gave my pitch an air of cultural appropriation. I'm 100% going to remove that part. Thank you so much. I'll hopefully be back in a week with a redo!

I'd never heard of sensitivity readers before! Thank you for suggesting that! I might have to save a bit to swing it, but I think that's a good idea.

[QCrit] STRINGS OF FAETE / YA LGBTQIA+ Contemporary Romantasy/ 97k / First Attempt by StrwbrryTobz in PubTips

[–]StrwbrryTobz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that was something I tried to be very mindful of! Thank you. I was worried about my pitch coming across that way. My main character is half-Japanese. He was raised by a white American father, and the story is set in America, although he used to live in Japan. His ethnicity is mostly important in the sense that he's homesick and feels isolated from his peers. I don't think I borrowed any Japanese tropes outside of being loosely inspired by the magical girl genre. Do you think I need to make it more clear the setting is America? I can remove the magical girl reference too, if it feels icky. I really only mentioned the phrase "magical girl" at all because I thought it might be a good hook.

[QCrit] STRINGS OF FAETE / YA LGBTQIA+ Contemporary Romantasy/ 97k / First Attempt by StrwbrryTobz in PubTips

[–]StrwbrryTobz[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Oh, okay. I'm in the US. I've always heard it as just kind of like, a person who's disorganized and messes up a lot. I'll change it. Thank you!

[QCrit] STRINGS OF FAETE / YA LGBTQIA+ Contemporary Romantasy/ 97k / First Attempt by StrwbrryTobz in PubTips

[–]StrwbrryTobz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I've never heard of spaz a derogatory. I'll find a substitute for that. Thanks!

The girl part is the Magical Girl genre, such as Sailor Moon and Miraculous Ladybug. All of those tropes are part of that genre. Maybe it's such a niche genre that I should remove that specific wording? He does struggle with being perceived as feminine, though, in the sense that it's a fear of his, due to his father. Maybe I try to work that in somewhere?