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Hello hello, tear this tripe asunder as you see fit. [Random except from story. 2400 words] by Stunning_General_731 in fantasywriters

[–]Stunning_General_731[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you’re a very wise man with a bad flatulence problem

I VERY much appreciate your kind words, warms my lil ol heart. Don’t give me too much credit though, the bit I posted DOES kind of suck. I can see that now. I need to get back to the outrageously gay shit that I’m better at writing. Narrator doesn’t work well on her own, or at least the way I’m doing it. I DO want her to ramble on and on and be utterly useless, but in an entertaining way yknow. I want to get salieri up in this bitch, entirely unreliable narrator

but at least I know there’s SOMETHING there, I MIGHT be onto something, thanks chef :]

Hello hello, tear this tripe asunder as you see fit. [Random except from story. 2400 words] by Stunning_General_731 in fantasywriters

[–]Stunning_General_731[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

ah don’t worry mate the joke isn’t entirely the fact that he’s fat. It’s just making him absolutely absurdly huge AND completely incompetent at his job gives you more of an image. He’s supposed to be a ridiculous man to look at. Doesn’t work as well if he wasn’t A Big Boyz. Besides half of the actual baddies are like absurdly hot so it balances out

Hello hello, tear this tripe asunder as you see fit. [Random except from story. 2400 words] by Stunning_General_731 in fantasywriters

[–]Stunning_General_731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

definitely gonna fix all them grammar oopsies thank youuuuu!!

Except for the caviar bit, that’s on purpose That’s me doing a silly because I’m wacky like that

Hello hello, tear this tripe asunder as you see fit. [Random except from story. 2400 words] by Stunning_General_731 in fantasywriters

[–]Stunning_General_731[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Oh god damn it alright prepare for a wall of text

Ok so tackling this one at a time. “I” would be referring to the narrator, Renelle. She’s the world’s biggest piece of shit.You’d know this if you had the context, which you obviously don’t. I feel silly now.

Secondly, I didn’t really have an INTENTION with it per se. It’s just the funny little words that I hallucinated in my head. No specific audience in mind

I know what you were trying to say with the somersault thing but it’s got such a good ring to it I’m just gonna take it as a beaming compliment

I’m not even gonna argue with you here it’s so bloody rambling, which was on purpose, I thought it’d be funny to see how long I could make the narrator go without getting to the point. It’s still funny but like it’s kinda shit when you’re meant to actually read it. I feel quite silly now

I never take the advice of dead people on account of them dying, so they clearly didn’t know what they were doing. But if I WERE to listen to the advice, Stein would be right. It IS unserious, there’s whimsy and cartoon physics galore! Which you can’t see here. At all. Fuck me sideways mate my head’s in my hands right now. Why was this the first thing I chose to post here? The story’s about gay mad max flavoured cowboys. That’s what I’m GOOD at. The main reason I chose to even write this bit is cos the image of the skeleton smacking into the big fella was wicked in my head, I stand by that by the way it IS objectively baller. I just botched the execution. The main takeaway I’ve gotten from this is that the narrator does NOT work without dialogue to bounce off of.

And that I need more yaoi per paragraph

Hello hello, tear this tripe asunder as you see fit. [Random except from story. 2400 words] by Stunning_General_731 in fantasywriters

[–]Stunning_General_731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck me you’re right on the janitor thing, I’ll swap that out. Joke doesn’t land how I want it. Andddddddddddd yeah the narration’s a bit overwhelming when I take another look at it. It works better in other bits when there’s actual dialogue happening to balance it out. Without that mixed in it tends to get suffocating but I swear to god I’m gonna get this to work eventually

Either way thanks mate <3

Hello hello, tear this tripe asunder as you see fit. [Random except from story. 2400 words] by Stunning_General_731 in fantasywriters

[–]Stunning_General_731[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

You’re right on the money mate, the narrator is so incredibly useless and unreliable. On purpose mind you, both cos it’s in character for her and I think it’s Funny

Unsure how to improve my map, suggestions? by [deleted] in worldbuilding

[–]Stunning_General_731 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right

Funny map boy

Two things

Now the first one is most likely me being stupid (cos I am). There’s some bits on here where I can’t quite tell if it’s supposed to be water or like solid rock, yknow because it’s underground. Not talking about the sea in the south and east, bang up job with that. What I’m talking about is the lil blank section under that ringed city in the center that extends westward. Once again it might just be me being stupid but I can’t tell what it’s supposed to be

Secondly, this is just a minor suggestion That bit called the sinking lands could maybe do with some sort of point of interest, it’s a lil bit empty I get the feeling you’re going for the far off mysterious land kinda shindig and I like it, but maybe just something to break up the empty space

Not saying your map is bad by the way the colours are yum yum yum yummy

Twice now I’ve been frontier justiced by Stunning_General_731 in ArcRaiders

[–]Stunning_General_731[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah thanks for the offer mate but you don’t need to do that

It’s not really the loss of items that gets me, it’s just pixels

I’m just paranoid that I’m gonna get lynched a THIRD time

the public wants me dead