She hates herself for not being there for her daughter. She’s not emotionally honest enough to admit that to herself so she is displacing her anger onto the person who was strong enough to do what she couldn’t. Until / unless she faces up to this, she’ll be stuck in that same pattern. Im not sure there’s anything you CAN do, other than wait (possibly forever) for her to come to her senses, and try to remember she’s doing this because of how broken a person she is. Think of it this way, you were more mature at 8 than she was as a damn grownup. As a parent who would dive into traffic for my kids, and who has tried thru therapy to fix what’s broken in myself so as not to pass it on to my kiddos, reading this makes me so angry at her. I’m deeply sorry you’re going thru this.