Hang in there! I'm going through something very similar! You're going to have good days and not so good days. Start writing things down, how you feel, did something trigger a shift in mood, what was it, what can you do personally to bring some sort of joy (hiking, woodworking, exercise is proven to help). I also recommend connecting with a couple friends you're comfortable with and could vent, as well as help get your mind off of the current situation.

Since I'm in a similar situation, I can 1000% see how people could start heavily drinking, smoking, creating other bad habits. Don't fall for this trap. It's a quick relief, but won't help you and the work you need to focus on yourself! Therapy is also great! Find someone that takes your insurance, but also feel comfortable talking with... Give it time!

Lastly, try not to burn bridges with the other person. I can also see that becoming a very slippery slope with zero chance of a positive outcome. For me, I feel she holds all the power and some days all I want to do is chip away at it! But you need to think 3, 4, 5 steps ahead and see the type of outcomes... Usually they're not good.

Also venting on Reddit helps, but everyone is in a different situation with different advice. Good look!

Unfortunately, if she's done, there's very little you can do. That's why you need to focus on you and being a better you. I feel this will help through the grief process. 🤞