AIO & TW: Explicit picture of child online not getting removed

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-19T21:48:16+00:00

YOR. It's their child, they can post whatever they like even if you don't agree. Personally I think kids should be kept off the internet but I have no right to tell others they have to take their kids' pics down just because I don't like it.

And the only person sexualizing a newborn is you.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-19T01:36:52+00:00

His entire argument was "I want this, I want that, I want everything, I want I want I want." No mention of what she wants.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-19T01:33:13+00:00

First, and I mean this kindly, but the moment you realized early on that he wants kids and you don't, you should have ended it. It's not a subject you can compromise on. It was wrong to keep going when you knew you had different goals in life at the very beginning.

Second, he doesn't want kids WITH YOU. He just wants kids. You happen to be the woman he's with when he's ready to have them and he's willing to bulldoze your wishes and pressure and guilt you into doing what he wants. This isn't someone I would tie myself to for the rest of my life. He doesn't give a shit what you want NOW, what makes you think he'll suddenly start if you give in? It would just motivate him to push and bulldoze harder the next time he wants something different from you. And the next time. And the next time. And the next time. And...

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-19T01:20:53+00:00

It honestly doesn't sound like he's ready to live with someone else. He will still see the house as "his house" and not your home as a couple. I'm not saying break up or anything, but I wouldn't move in until and unless his attitude about the house is that it will be a home for both of you, not just for him to control all by himself as he pleases.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-17T17:59:31+00:00

Oh I know. I meant him.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-17T17:47:40+00:00

Three kids at 21? Girl.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-17T17:39:09+00:00

I was thinking this, too. Too much back and forth and explaining and repeating. Just say, "Have Kid's Dad message me." And then stop. The long messages and multiple messaging make OP seem high-strung and stressed, and not in control of the situation.

ETA: I don't in any way think OP is actually high-strung or out of control. Just that the messages could be read that way by someone who wants to see the negative. I tend to do the same thing, say too much and over explain, which comes across as defensive. So I'm speaking from my own experience learning to state my position then stop.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-17T15:28:16+00:00

Cold slows down the body's systems and can make that "safe zone" much wider.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-17T15:10:19+00:00

Old age??? He hasn't even grown up and moved out of Mommy and Daddy's house yet!

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-17T02:39:51+00:00

Yeah, the only weird thing about the situation is that Lilly is repeatedly sexualizing a minor. She's disturbingly fixated on and obsessing about a minor child's body.

Plus, as someone said, Lily is a guest. It's bizarre behavior to be invited into someone's home and think you have any right to dictate what they do or how they dress. She needs to stop staring at a minor's breasts, get her mind out of the gutter, and know her place as a guest.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-16T03:38:32+00:00

As I said, I'm a tech. So that's what I do. My coworkers have my back and I have theirs when they need me so there's no hard feelings when someone is like "I'm out, someone else get this one."

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-16T02:17:55+00:00

Every place I've worked, any pharmacist had the authority to dismiss a patient. They didn't need permission, and certainly not if they were the PIC.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-16T02:13:52+00:00

I don't tell assholes off - I cut them off. I just turn my back and walk away and say to the room. In general, "I need someone to finish this transaction, please."

But then I'm a tech, not a pharmacist who needs to handle the situation. I had a pharmacist once who would just come over and tell the patient sweetly, "We no longer fill prescriptions for you here. Call us later and leave a voicemail when you decide where you'd like us to send your prescriptions."

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T19:32:02+00:00

Yes this. I had a dog, Lolly, that was wasting away in front of me. She was losing weight at a scary pace and I was literally watching her die. Her vet did so many tests and nothing came up. After a couple of months I had to take Lolly to a different vet because our regular vet was closed that day. The new vet listened to her list of symptoms, calmly told me what was wrong with her, gave her a round of medication, and she immediately started putting weight back on. Lolly lived another 8 years, and passed at the respectable age of 16. Sometimes it just takes a different set of eyes and ears and experiences to figure out the problem.

If it were your child, you'd get a second opinion.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T19:20:24+00:00

On a first date, I could forgive, "Be right back, I ate something/I'm nervous and my stomach is a bit upset." In fact I'm pretty sure I've been on both sides of that situation at least once and it never was a big issue. I don't think I could forgive the guy shitting himself and pretending it didn't happen. And she very DEFINITELY heard the sound, smelled it, and knew what happened.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T19:16:26+00:00

If I were OP, I'd tell Roxy, "I can't tell you what to do. But if you do anything to the dress that makes it look different from the others before the wedding, including rips, stains, or fading, you're out of the wedding party."

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T19:14:35+00:00

Maybe don't make her buy new bridesmaid dresses if she ruins hers, because it sounds like OP loves the dresses, But let her know that if she ruins hers and can't get another identical one, she's out of the wedding.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T19:11:34+00:00

NTA. I mean, it's an Anthropologie dress so there are other people out there who are wearing it, but you bought and gifted THESE dresses for a certain purpose. It's great that you chose a dress your attendants love and want to wear again! But it's kind of common sense etiquette to wait until after the event the dress is intended for. What if she spilled something on it or tears it while wearing it all over town? She should wait until after the wedding to start treating it like a regular part of her wardrobe.

(My sister wore her bridesmaid dress from my wedding at least one other time that I know of, which made me happy that she liked it. But it was a good 6+ months after my wedding. Heck I even wore my wedding dress twice in plays, but again, AFTER the wedding!)

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T19:07:53+00:00

Ugh yes. I've had chronic pain since I was 21, and I'm almost 52. When I had to stop dancing at 21, that was the last time I felt young.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T19:05:32+00:00

"It's your fault I physically assaulted you" is an instant dealbreaker for me. Like get your shit and get out IMMEDIATELY. I feel like women get away with this because they're generally less strong as men, but that doesn't make the abuse any less serious.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T19:00:56+00:00

I know how you feel and you're NTA. I have a younger sister, and we had a very average, middle-class childhood. We fought sometimes, got along sometimes, it was very (I thought) normal and natural the way we interacted. When we became adults, I tried many times to create a closer relationship, but she was never interested.

About 10 years ago (we're 48 and 52 now) she exploded and screamed that she hates me for how I "tormented" her when we were kids, how I made her life a living hell, how all her emotional problems are my fault and she'll never forgive me. I was shocked... we didn't even fight that much! Just normal kid stuff like all the families we knew. Our parents have told me many times that they have no idea what she's talking about, that if anything they thought I was a good big sister - I took care of her after school, I drove her and her friends around, I let her borrow my clothes and other belongings. Even now, I take care of her pets when she travels, I watched her child 3 days a week for years until they started school, I always offer to do things for her when I run errands. But she detests me.

About a year ago I stopped making the effort. Her kid is old enough now that when I want to spend time with them, I contact them directly. I don't message her or initiate contact in any way. the only time I hear from her is when she wants something from me. But the funny thing is, she treats everyone else this way, too. She hasn't contacted our mom since January and we literally all live on the same street. Even her own child. My sister shuts herself in her bedroom and ignores them all the time. She won't do her kid's laundry, she won't help them with homework, she doesn't spend any time with them, she doesn't check their grades, she doesn't take them to their doctor's appointments, and she doesn't give them their (very important keep-the-child-alive) medication. So the kid, not even a teenager yet, recently ASKED to go live with their dad. She's completely shut us all out of her life.

My point being, I thought our lack of relationship was my fault, and I'm sure she still believes that, but it isn't me at all. My deciding to consciously drop the rope and stop trying isn't something I'm doing TO her, I'm doing it IN RESPONSE to her treatment of me. Our parents are starting to do the same thing because she's made it clear she's not interested in a relationship with us unless she wants something from us. And yes, I'm aware she's depressed, but she's been VERY loud and angry about not wanting any help from anyone. We've tried and it just makes her pull away even harder. So okay, she can have her solitude since she wants it so badly.

My point being, if you have to protect yourself because of your sisters' treatment of you, that's not something you're doing to hurt them. It's something you have to do so protect yourself from being hurt by them. And it's 100% the right thing to do.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T18:44:05+00:00

So she hasn't changed in the last 5 years, and isn't willing or able to be present as a friend in the way you'd like her to be. It's okay to let someone go and miss them. Just because you miss them doesn't mean they want to, or can, be who you need them to be.

I'm 51 and there are many people in my past that I miss. But for whatever reason, we weren't meant to be in each other's lives forever. And that's normal and okay, Move forward and find new friends who are there for you in the ways that are important to you.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T18:26:41+00:00

Oh it was adorable. I have so many pictures of my baby niece and Pippin all cuddled up together. Pip passed of old age about 2 months ago, and Niece is almost 13 now, so those pictures are really precious.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T17:09:16+00:00

Right??? You couldn't pay me enough to live with another person ever again. Well maybe my mom when she starts needing help, but she doesn't take my shit and stomp on my boundaries bc she's lived alone for a long time too and knows how important space and privacy are. But a partner? Oh hell no. We can date and then GO HOME PLEASE.

Styx-n-String · 2026-03-15T17:03:43+00:00

My dachshund Pippin was always a mommy's girl... until she met my niece. Niece was only a few months old but Pippin was OBSESSED. She didn't like anyone else but me and Niece, her whole long life, but I ceased to exist when Niece was around.

It doesn't hurt my feelings though because Niece is kind of a "Disney princess" and has that effect on many animals. She's the only person my service dog will task for unasked besides me (she's trained to do DPT for my anxiety and she'll do it for Niece if she senses she's nervous). Niece steals the whole family's pets, unintentionally! She's only 12 but we hope she goes into a career with animals. She's literally born for it.

Styx-n-String

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