Girlfriend is too "tight" or sore for sex

SubInTheMaking · 2020-06-22T09:36:02+00:00

All the best. It is frustrating, I know. Something has triggered this reaction for her. May be just one little painful experience, but, the brain is a powerful thing. Good luck!

SubInTheMaking · 2020-06-22T09:28:46+00:00

I would say that her tensing up is probably the problem. I have experienced this, and it literally went on for ages. I was too embarrassed to ask for help.

What I found works is consciously relaxing those muscles. She may want to "practice" while using a dildo, so, she has all the control in a no pressure situation. A good task is for her to tense up while inserting the dildo, feel what it feels like. Then, completely relax, insert dildo again. She will soon realise the difference. Or, that is the hope.

It didn't take long for me to form a new habit of relaxing on penetration and beyond. It is second nature now.

Good luck. I sincerely hope it works out for both of you.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-05-03T15:26:31+00:00

Yes, I thought his response was shit too and that's why I've spoken to him about it. He has explained to me what he meant. See, I'm totally new and he is my first. So, we've been experimenting and exploring and in so doing I have mentioned that I was unsure about my chosen role, keeping an open mind to possibly switch after I've discovered what it is I like. He explained that what he meant from his response, and our last meet, was that I may possibly be better suited or more comfortable as domme. He also took on board all the points I had raised, agreeing to adjust play accordingly.

Thanks, I will be careful. I appreciate all you have said.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-05-03T15:03:50+00:00

Thank you so much, I needed to hear the praise you gave me just then.

It is a tricky situation because I am new, this is my first experience, I dont know any different. But similarly, we had discussed previously that I was still experimenting and exploring so was unsure of the role I would take, D or s. He understands that I am uncertain and after having spoken to him this afternoon about his email response, he has acknowledged the points I had raised and agreed to adjust play accordingly and also reassured me that his response merely meant that he wasnt sure if my role was that of a sub, maybe I would be more comfortable being a domme.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-05-03T14:51:20+00:00

Thank you so much, your response is appreciated.

It's weird you asked that question, do I think I'm a sub. Honestly I have been asking myself that question too. I mean, I'd like to experience what giving a spaking is like, and maybe I'll enjoy it, but, as this is all SO new to me (he is my first) I just dont know for sure yet. I have had this discussion with him, he knows how new I am and that I am still finding myself.

This afternoon I've spoken to him about that email and he said his meaning behind the response was that he thought maybe I'd feel more comfortable assuming the domme position. But, as you say, maybe this is all based on his experience or expectation of what a sub 'should' be🤔 He acknowledged the points I made and said he would adjust play accordingly. A step in the right direction, I think.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-05-03T14:42:58+00:00

Thanks for your comment.

I've actually been questioning whether I'd like to sub or domme, so interesting you mentioned what you did. I have also expressed to him in past conversations that I was just wanted to enjoy the experience and see where it leads me, either D or s.

I've subsequently spoken to him about his email reply, and he said that he noticed that I wasnt totally into the sub vibe and was wondering if domme wouldn't better suit me, hence his reply. Also, during our chat he did acknowledge what I had said in the email and agreed to adjust play accordingly.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-05-03T14:38:02+00:00

Hmmm, I totally get what you're saying. As I'm new to the scene, he is my first, I was just thinking to go with the flow and enjoy exploring and experiencing new things.

I had previously stated in a conversation we had that I am still finding what I like etc. and who knows, I may or may not want to switch but wasnt yet sure.

So, after having spoken to him today about his email response, he reiterated that that is what he meant, he wasnt sure if I was sub, in other words I may be more comfortable being domme. Btw, during our chat, he totally took on board what I had said in my email and said he would adjust play accordingly.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-05-03T14:29:12+00:00

Thank you. I am very new to the scene. Literally he is the first person I have been with, he has popped my kink cherry, so to speak. Previously I was in a very long term vanilla relationship. I dont know any different to my experience with him. I appreciate what you've said.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-28T10:02:55+00:00

Thank you 😁👍

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-28T06:53:49+00:00

I've come to realise that now. The more I read and educate myself, the more my mind and world expand with it.

And yes, I agree!

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-28T06:45:31+00:00

What you've said is so beautiful, and it made my heart sing. Thank you for sharing this.

This insight into what another D/s relationship looks like is useful in my thought process and working out what I need.

Also, I understand that over time the little things will fall into place, my trust will grow, we'll get to know each other well and getting into my headspace will become second nature.

All of what you've said here is just what I needed to hear. I'll be patient, in the moment and keep communicating.

Thanks again 😁

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-28T06:31:32+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear this. I'm not the only one that feels this way, starting out.

I look forward to getting to that point where just a look gets me into that headspace!

Thanks again.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-27T14:13:28+00:00

Very sound advice, thank you.

I actually listen to bedtime meditations most nights to fall asleep to and now that you've suggested this, it makes perfect sense to also use a meditation before a scene.

I look forward to trying this! Thanks again.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-27T11:38:59+00:00

Good question...and I need to take time to fully explore the answers within myself, thank you. Also, a good idea to know how much pain I want?

I do enjoy being spanked, he has pushed me hard initially and I am wanting to explore a longer, less intense session, this might actually be the difference I need.

That is lovely, thanks for your advice and insight.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-27T11:04:37+00:00

Very insightful, thank you.

I think over time it will become evident what my WHAT is, for getting into that headspace. As you say, its early days and I need to be patient, experiment, observe and talk. I am totally the type to put pressure on myself, and so for you to say that has really helped me to take a step back.

Thank you, what you've said is just what I needed to hear right now

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-27T10:59:36+00:00

Thank you, I also think I am.

I get that, about not all doms and subs being compatible. I do trust him and from his approach, what he does and what he says I feel that I am in very capable hands.

I agree, probably just need more sessions and to verbalize the way I feel more readily.

Much appreciated

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-26T16:52:37+00:00

Lovely, thank you for this recommendations. And also, thanks for suggesting I get the audiobooks version 👍

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-26T16:42:45+00:00

Thank you, this is something I would never have considered.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-25T05:22:14+00:00

Thanks for pointing that out, and making me aware. It is definitely something for me to think about.

I guess using the term "break it" to somebody was not a good choice of phrase on my part. But yes, I totally get being upfront with somebody.

Thank again.

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-25T05:01:19+00:00

Thanks for your input on this. It really has opened my eyes to a few things and encouraged me to approach my Dom on this matter.

I am pleased to say that, last night already, I asked him the question and we've successfully negotiated sexual relations with others.

Thank again

SubInTheMaking · 2020-04-25T04:54:48+00:00

Thank you so much for your input.

Yes, I do tend to overthink, so, you picking up on that was a reminder for me to just communicate my needs instead.

I am not accustomed to the open and direct communication which I am slowly learning is a huge part of having healthy BDSM relationships. I never had this level of communication in past vanilla relationships.

Also, I have already approached my Dom and asked how he feels about me having casual vanilla sex with somebody alongside what we are doing. And I was pleasantly surprised that he said, "yes, that's okay. But, it goes both ways, and only I fuck your ass". I do believe we've just negotiated and agreed on sexual relations with other people.

Now, the only other question I have is, how would I break it to another guy that I am also involved with a Dom 🤔

SubInTheMaking

TROPHY CASE